You never noticed…

You never will. I’ll be moving out next year and we’ll carry on this charade.

You never cared to look for the signs, just pass over them and talk about yourself or my sibling. I just wish for once you would notice and talk to me. Help me.

My best friend was raped when she was 14. She swore me to secrecy so when you all spoke shit about her because she was going off the rails slightly, I couldn’t stop you.

You talk about me having all these “friends”. When I was little I was bullied physically. You even pulled me out of school to one near by because it got so bad. This new place was apparently brilliant to you. Yes… brilliant. A few times I ran home and hid under the windowsill in our house because these lads were chasing after me! I was terrified. I was only a little girl! These boys were 3 years older!

My so called friends hated me. My supposed best friend told me to shut up all the time. Would never let me talk. She made me feel so stupid. They’d all look down at me and make fun of me. They never wanted me around and I would always catch them making fun of me. They played mindgames with me and I just wanted to curl up in a corner and cry. I’d always be forgotten to be invited to something or I just wasn’t wanted.
Was I not worth friendship?

My dance group were horrible. I went because I loved to dance but my partners would leave or switch me. Then my longest partner spoke to me like I was an idiot but excuse me, you were the one who messed up. You ruined it. Not me. Don’t ever blame me. I went to a sleep over with some “friends” and they made fun of me because of the school I went to and made me feel like shit.

Entering secondary was worse. I was passed from friendship group to friendship group because no one wanted me. My “best friend” treated me like shit and then just left me. It happened again after that. I was just feeling down and she ignored me. Completely. Now it’s been a year and we haven’t spoken and she’s changed completely.
I got people making fake promises to me and faking concern. You haven’t heard from me in half a year, don’t you think something could be wrong? Obviously not. Am I really that easy to forget?
My uncle died and I couldn’t even go t his funeral! I don’t see any of my family anymore! I don’t have the weekends at the grandparents. I don’t see cousins. Nothing. I’ve seen them about…15 times in my lifetime. That is not a lot.

I’m so messed up at the moment yet you still don’t bloody notice! The scars are there but you don’t see them do you? I’ve had breakdowns and smashed things to pieces. I worry and get scared so much I make myself ill. I hardly sleep and when I finally do you yell at me for being lazy. You get pissy with me when dad and I apparently “gang up” on you with jokes. I’m scared about the future. My work isn’t good enough and I doubt it’ll ever be. I can’t get it right and I feel like just giving it up.

We’re so alike yet you won’t aknowledge this. Or maybe you do but don’t want to believe it. Maybe I’ll finish what I started when I was 13.

There is so much more I need to write but I don’t think I’m making sense and my heart is starting to go funny.

Dear Friend.

Dear Friend,

you are the most annoying person I have ever had to live with. I want to go back home and just forget that I ever helped you here, because I regret listening to you,giving you advice, helping your husband move out, cleaning, cooking for the kids and getting them ready for school. You think that no one is good enough and whatever I do around the house or with the kids, you have to re do it in your own “better” way. I have lived here for a year, and it is enough. I can’t take your ungratefulness any longer.

You need to realize that no one is perfect, I’M not perfect, so stop thinking I can be. I do things for you and you walk straight past and don’t even notice. I feel like when i’m doing something while you’re looking, you are constantly judging me.

When i get home, I don’t want to have anything to do with you. But I will stay in contact with the kids.

I would like to tell you this myself, but I know you won’t care and kick me out before I have a chance.

just accept me for who i am!!

i’m asexual. i always have been as far as i can remember. i don’t want sex or a relationship etc. kissing and the idea of snogging makes me want to vomit. i don’t want kids either. i can’t stand kids!! the sounds of them crying just make me wish i was hard of hearing sometimes. i’d rather have a newborn kitten than a newborn baby.

i’m teetotal and hate alcohol. its disgusting!! the effects of what they do to you are disgraceful. and people see fun in ‘getting drunk/wasted/hammered’? not me. there is more to life than alcohol. my friends have only one love, and that love is alcohol. people choose others over me just because i don’t like alcohol or drinking. JUST ACCEPT THE FACT THAT I DON’T WANT TO DRINK & THAT I WON’T DRINK!! i don’t really have much of a social life just because i don’t drink.

i hate her

my closest friend tried to commit suicide, before she did she sent me a txt saying sorry and that she loves me…i called the ambo’s and she’s okay now…they got to her in time…but i cant stand to be near her or talk to her anymore. i love her but hate her because she had the guts to do what i’ve been trying to do since i was 13…her life is actually the closest to perfect u can get, but she doesnt know about my life, i always lie about it, she thinks my life is like hers, perfect…and she doesn’t know that i want to die.
she thinks i hate her for what she did and am disgusted by her.
the truth is:
i love her and envy that she actually could do it.

I hate my friend

secretly hate my friend. She is perfect, well close to it. She has straight A’s, and always comes to school. She doesn’t have any problems with people, and is extremely hilarious. We get along fine but secretly I wish she’d just fail at something, once in here life.

The Truth about friendships

It has been 7 year since I was at high school and when my best friend killed himself, the horrible truth is I could have helped him but I did’nt.

I am married and slept with a good friend

My husband was out of town for over 5 weeks and our very good friend (who works with my husband) and I hung out a lot and he helped me a lot when one of our animals got sick during my husbands absence. This guy and I have always had a fun, flirty relationship that was always very harmless, hence he is good friends with both myself and my husband. We ended up watching a movie one night, he confessed he wanted to snuggle and it seemed harmless, then one thing turned into another, etc. It happend 3 times, and we spent more time just hanging out in between. I adore him and don’t want it to effect our friendship, but can’t stop thinking about him & miss him not being around so much. Not in the same way as my husband, and I am very much in love with my husband we have a wonderful life and have been together for quite some years now. Has anyone else had a similar situation?

Suicide

my friend Sara committed suicide today. i feel betrayed. killing yourself is the meanest thing you can do to someone its like a big up yours to all the people you leave behind. i m heartbroken i never knew her to be a depressed girl. i just wish people my age could know that its always better the next day.

gay marriage

i voted against gay marriage, even though i was apart of the vote no on 8 movement. i’m sorry to all of my gay friends.

Jerk

My best friend’s husband made a pass at me a couple of years ago when he was drunk and walking me home after a party. I pushed him away and ran. I never told her. I’m not the first he has tried it on with. I know he cheats on her regularly. I wish I could tell her what he’s like but it would break her heart and I can’t do that to her. She’s been through so much heartache. He’s a jerk.

MAKE ME!!!!!

Tonight I burst into tears when I walked into the door after you and your husband dropped me off at home. In front of your parents, his brother, sister and husband, his cousin and all the friends assembled he insulted you!!!

I could not believe that he used the phrase “make me” after you righteously told him to control his outburst of expression. I sat frozen, but [name withheld] who was to my right on the same sofa looked at your husband with total shock. After your correct chastising comeback to him your father patted his hand on your knee. What a gentle way of expressing to you that “this was not the time – not in front of everyone.”

You had every right to say whatever you had to say because he was wrong and had it coming. It was your house, but if the same thing happened in my place, your husband and I would have gone outside and I would have had a “Come To Jesus” talk, and told him to apologize to you!!!!!!!

I sense that you two made up, but I think he should have manned up and told everyone that what he did was wrong and that he was sorry for it and that all of it was his fault.

My heart is sad because I know how much you try in this marriage and I’m just an outsider who only knows how much you hurt when you have needed and ear to nibble on.

I will say nothing more of this matter to you when we hang out again, because you will tell me that he apologized and so on, and so on, and so on………….

I heard it with my own two ears; those two words that were said purposeful to pull you into a fight and showed a lack of maturity and a disdain for YOUR correct chastising!!!!

I hurt also, ……because I would never treat you like that……and I think YOU know that.

One Night In College

Back when I was a sophomore in college, I was best friends with my roommate (we still are). One weekend his mom came for a visit. She was pretty cool and went out to the parties with us Friday night. All three of us got very very drunk. My roommate was finally going to hook-up with this little blond girl he had been eying for months so he asked me to take his Mom back to the dorm. I did and ended up hooking up with her back in our room. We spent most of the night together before she finally slipped over to her son’s bed to catch some sleep before around dawn. To this day that 42 year old lady was the most amazing women I have ever been with in bed. Much to my disappointment I was not in for a repeat performance Saturday night as all three of us spent a much more sedate night together in town. I have remained close friends with me roommate over the years. I would never dare tell him about sleeping with his mom. I do feel a little guilty about it. Sometimes that makes it hard when I am around him. Despite having seen his mother many times since that, both during and after college, including at his wedding, I have never had a chance to talk to her about what we did together. Even though its been over ten years and I am married with children of my own I still think about her and that one awesome night we spent together.