no one knows

Posted by Anonymous Girl in Fear on Jan 5th, 2012 | 6 comments

I’ve told a few close friends that my moms ex-bf sexually assaulted me but I haven’t told anyone what he did or even told my mom. I feel like if I tell someone what he did or even told my mom it wouldn’t cross my mind almost everyday. But I’m so scared. What if they blame me for it? I blame myself. It’s all my fault. I should’ve tried to stop it. They still talk sometimes, him and my mom. I even told my friend, and I told him not to tell anyone, and what does he do? He tells the guys son! Who I know. So I’m positive my mom’s ex knows that I told people. I’m so scared.

Tick tock

Posted by Anonymous in Fear on Jun 5th, 2011 | 11 comments

I’m terrified I’ve lost my looks, which used to be all and everything I had.

I’m scared I’ve killed my brain cells with years of alcohol indulgence.

I’ve just started to realise that I’m no spring chicken. I’m 29. So, I’ve just began to worry about whether I’ll ever have a family. And, about how I would be proposed to.

I’m Failing Every Course And I Don’t Know Why

Posted by WhatAmIDoing? in Fear on Apr 28th, 2011 | 9 comments

I just sit and watch as each deadline rolls by. I just don’t care. And I can’t understand why. I’m scared but I can’t pull myself out of this. I want to sit at home, on this computer and spend my life here. I can’t believe this is me. I can’t believe it. It took less than two months to create this monster. Too much time on my hands. What am I going to do?

Violation Dreams

Posted by Anonymous in Fear on Apr 14th, 2011 | 9 comments

sometimes I dream that I’m bring raped.. well it’s almost every night. I’ve never been before but it’s still really upsetting. Sometimes I can feel it and it actually hurts. I can’t sleep at night and I feel like at any moment it’s really going to happen. I’ve told people about this but they don’t really care.

I Sing Alone

Posted by Anonymous in Fear on Mar 15th, 2011 | 4 comments

The only time i can sing in my real voice is when no ones home. i really want to be able to sing in front of people but im so shy and i am afraid that i’ll get payed out. i know i have a good voice but i wish i could be confident

inappropiate hugging

Posted by church memeber in Fear on Mar 11th, 2011 | 4 comments

My pastor is known for the bear hugs he gives to men and women alike. So no one thinks it inappropiate when he hugs someeone.but lately his higs to one our of new members somehow seem intimate in a way i never saw before. last week they hugged so forcefully you could hear the connection. yea my pastor is married but his wife sometimes looks like she notice something and them other times nothing. At bible study last night he almost taught the whole class looking in the direction of this lady. Is ther any way to mention this to his discreetly without disrepecting him as my pastor. i promisie there is a difference. and just for the record I am not jealous he is too old for me i like em young and tender, but i do like my first lady. maybe he don’t realize he is attracted to her and that it is very noticeable

The girl on the fridge

Posted by Angel in Fear on Feb 23rd, 2011 | 3 comments

I’m 38. When I was 28 I was 70′lbs lighter. Yes it’s a lot of weight to gain. I was gorgeous. No not just some fantasy where I think I was hot and I never really was. I really was. And then I gained all this weight. I’m still the same person but now I’m heavy. The problem is my boyfriend is sexually in love with the picture of the 28th year old me on the fridge. He wants that girl. I can lose weight but what if I can never be “her”?

you took everything

Posted by heartbroken in Fear on Feb 4th, 2011 | 8 comments

not only did you take everything away from me and turned by life into a nightmare by raping me, but you gave me AIDS. i can never make love to my husband again, i can never have a happy healthy baby, i can never live out my dreams because you took them awy from me.

Dia-cide

Posted by Anonymous in Fear on Feb 3rd, 2011 | 4 comments

I just found out I have type 2 diabetes. The more and more I read about it the more depressed I get. All I’ve been able to do is think about how I might kill myself to avoid the long term complications of this disease. I can’t concentrate at work, my mind keeps coming back to this damned thing.

I have no one to turn to. My family told me long ago they’d disown me if I got sick. I can’t talk to strangers about all this.

its easier said than done

Posted by anonymous in Fear on Jan 14th, 2011 | 3 comments

i think i like girls.
but i’m not sure if I’m bi or just confused. I’m so supportive to my other bi friends I never really got to evaluate my own feelings. And I don’t know who to tell…especially my boyfriend.

read

Posted by cleo in Fear on Jan 3rd, 2011 | 12 comments

I have been pondering my current situation. And so far this is what I have down, I’m pretty much A BIG FAT LOSER!!! I’ve wasted a lot of my time, which I should have treated as valuable because it is. Here’s the scoop I’m 25yrs old no high school education and no drivers license. I have very little job experience. I live with my parents and I have no job. I’m on unemployment, food stamps and I just recently found out that I’m pregnant by my boyfriend who isn’t employed either. Needless to say I have a lot of ground to cover and I haven’t put in much work. I feel dumb and dumber every day. I can’t focus on anything for too long it’s so irritating because I want to finish what I start but I can’t. I feel so hopeless at times and other moments I feel as I can accomplish anything if I put in the work. As far as the baby goes I feel like I have no other choice but to abort it, I feel I wouldn’t be able to give this child what it needs and I’m in no position to imagine that I could even possibly be a good mother. I have already decided what I’m going to do and I’m not looking for advice. But what I am looking for is different point of views, I feel it’s always good to see a situation with a fresh pair of eyes weather the response be a negative or a positive one.

the horror of obsessive compulsive disorder

Posted by pip in Fear on Dec 28th, 2010 | 2 comments

Fourteen years I was in my first year at college. I’d gone through a period of drug abuse after leaving the air force but had started to get my life together. Anyway I was at a friend’s house one day with his two daughters when this “what if” thought popped into my head. The thought was essentially related to whether I was capable of hurting a child physically or sexually. I was extremely disturbed by this as I had always had good relationships with children, babysat for my mother’s friends when I was a teenager and never had any self-doubt in this area before. However within days of it starting, I was avoiding supermarkets at certain times of day, avoiding walking past schools etc. The thoughts became more and more intrusive, my experiences of anxiety became more and more extreme and my distress grew daily. I really believed I was losing my mind – what I now know to be a classic symptom of anxiety and OCD – which I was later diagnosed as having.

Over the years the problem has been manageable at times and extremely upsetting at other times. I got a degree, MA, worked successfully as a journalist for several years and got married. The contrast was that in my personal life (and secretly) I tried many types of therapy (private and NHS), lots of different anti-depressants, been to OCD self-help and support groups but without ever really getting any better.

There is a lot more to my story than the synopsis above. I can say with all sincerity that my belief in the rights and well-being of children has never changed and to be frank I can’t believe that my OWN mind has done this to me. I’ve compared myself to the worst abusers imaginable, have cried myself to sleep, ritualised over and over again, had so many panic attacks while desperately trying to maintain a facade of normality. I know from my own research over the years and of course from talking to professionals that I suffer from an extremely upsetting form of OCD which is not entirely uncommon and I take comfort from the fact that statistically people with this illness are highly unlikely to hurt others. I do, however, desperately want to improve my well-being, be less afraid, be happier, help other people and even have children. I don’t believe that these aspirations are unreasonable or unrealistic.

As I said I go through periods when it is not so bad. However, recently I’ve had extremely distressing intrusive thoughts about being violent to my girlfriend. It’s unbearable and terrifying – I understand it but at the same time I don’t; the same feelings of “impending insanity” and panic overwhelm me. I think “how can I go on like this?” I feel like I want to avoid her – just like I felt previously that I had to avoid my nieces and nephews and other children.
It’s very upsetting.