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I hate my daughter

Posted by in Family on Jun 7th, 2011 | 45 comments

I raised my daughter with a lot of love and attention. She was so special to be that I basically gave her everything that she needed. I admit we spoiled her. She was a wonderful girl until she started college. She changed so much. She dates other girls, she has casual sex with men also. She uses Marijuana and drinks a lot. But on the other hand she a great grades and even been admitted to medical school. But those other things make me hate her and sometimes I even wish bad things to happen to her. I prefer her to be a better person instead of having god grades. Her friends love her because she’s very funny also. I hope that someday I can overcome these feelings that I have towards her

My Mother

Posted by in Family on Jun 5th, 2011 | 9 comments

I’m 16. Female.

My mother had her first schizophrenic breakdown when I was 8. I’ve been in the custody of my father ever since. I used to see her frequently, but for the past two years as her mental health has declined and our time we spend together has become less and less.

I can honestly say I almost despise her. She doesn’t even feel like a mother anymore, nor a relative, just a big burden. She’s homeless now, by choice I might add (proudct of her paranoia), and as much compassion as I’ve tried to muster for her sake I just can’t bring myself to give a shit anymore. She’s ruined mine and my families lives past the point of repair.
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Father committed suicide six years ago, still a wreck

Posted by in Family on Jun 5th, 2011 | 8 comments

My father and I had a love-hate relationship. He hated himself and his family, but he supposedly loved us. I later came to understand that he had mental illness and a really difficult childhood. My mother and I have a difficult relationship, as well. I came to realize later that she was living a nightmare with a mentally ill husband and a family of three children that she didn’t really want.

Well, my father committed suicide six years ago, a few months after my daughter was born. He hung himself with a rope. On good days, it seemed me that he was saying, “My work here is done,” by killing himself. Every other day, it seems to me he was saying, “I hate myself and I hate all of you, too.”

Well, it’s been difficult dealing with his suicide. It affects me, my husband and my two kids. I can’t see how they can’t be as miserable as I am. I have a wonderful husband and great kids, but I can’t shake the feeling that I should be where my father is right now.

I am a stay-at-home/work-from-home mother. I work very hard at everything I do. I single-handedly organize the chess club for my daughter’s school. We meet two to three times a month. I raised $3,000 through a fund raiser for my daughter’s school. My kids are smart. They are well-behaved. I earn money from home while taking care of the kids. I do everything to the best of my ability and try to contribute to society. I am working hard to try to make my children’s lives better than mine.

And yet, I can’t shake the feeling that I suck at everything and I shouldn’t be walking on the face of this earth. It’s a lonely feeling… even though I know many people feel the same way. I’d like to move on, but living is hard.

I don’t tell everybody about my father, because it’s pretty heavy stuff and a lot of people don’t know what to say. Also, I sometimes get painful and strange responses from people when I tell them about my dad. That’s why this is a confession.

The case for us…

Posted by in Family on Jun 4th, 2011 | 2 comments

I’m afraid I’m pregnant and I am not ready to change our lives. We’re getting married soon and I just want to live through that first. I wish you would stop passive aggressively telling me we need to have one sooner. I’m barely into my twenties and I want to graduate and feel accomplished before I pop out a kid. I am afraid a baby will change who I am. I finally love me and I don’t want to lose that. Getting married is a big enough step for now.

Please, stop pressuring me. If I’m pregnant we’ll live with it, but you can’t carry me through this one. It’s not selfish to think about how a baby will affect my body and personality.

Hated homeschooling my girls

Posted by in Family on Jun 4th, 2011 | 5 comments

My husband insisted we homeschool our kids from the beginning for academic reasons, not religious (although we are Christian). I have an adult son with disabilities who goes somewhere during the day. Our other kids are an 11yo boy and twin girls age 9. The boy is continuing to be home schooled, but starting this fall we are sending the girls to a new charter school. I am excited that I will finally have some time for myself!
I have been depressed for the past ten years and on various anti-depressants. My boy is like me, needs alone time the majority of the day. I don’t disagree with the philosophy of homeschooling, just don’t think it is right for mothers who are creative and need time alone.
I am scared to death it won’t work out and they will end up at home again! My plan B is to enroll them in a virtual school, even though there are no free ones in our state.
I feel like crying almost every day just from the stress of being around them. Our son was diagnosed with Asperger’s last summer, and that includes a lot more to deal with. Should I feel guilty about wanting time alone?
The girls found a journal I wrote a few years ago about how much I hated them, so I am thankful to have this blog. Although I also have confessed to my priest; I am Eastern Orthodox Christian.

My dad doesn’t care

Posted by in Family on May 24th, 2011 | 3 comments

I’m fifteen and my dad doesn’t like the fact that I have a boyfriend, but my mom is understanding and likes him. This past weekend I was assigned a huge Greek mythology project, which was 416 points. I asked my dad two days ago if I could go over to his house and work on it. He was alright with it. So last night, I thought it would be a good idea to invite him over for supper for helping me get it done. My dad wasn’t home at the time, so I asked my mom. She allowed. He came over and we were talking. My dad came home. and saw my boyfriends car was here and he walked somewhere, he didn’t even come in and say hello. So, we ate supper and then went out in the yard to play badminton. Everyone was having a good time and it was getting dark, so we came up on the porch. My boyfriend was eating a piece of pie and drinking a drink when my dad walked home, drunk. He came up on the porch and my boyfriend greeted him and said hello. All the drunk said was ‘Hi, I think its time for you to leave.’ Immediately my boyfriend said thanks for dinner and left. It started a big fight. My mom and sister started in at yelling at my dad for acting so rude to guests and everything. Although it did no good, I started yelling as well. A lot was said, and he told me that he wanted me to put my cell phone on the counter along with my laptop. Infuriated, all i could was ‘How does it feel to want, dad? You don’t pay for them, therefore I’m not listening to you. and until you change your ways, accept that I’m going to date, and apologize to my boyfriend, DON’T talk to me.’ He was dumbfounded that I yelled like that and all he said was that he didn’t care if he paid for it or not it was his house and everything. I was like well, then leave. Nobody wants to deal with you. He just told me that I was free to leave whenever I wanted. and so I told him that I was going to leave. I walked out onto the porch and my mom followed. She told me to go back inside and all I could say was ‘Take me somewhere, please.’ She said no and walked back inside. The last thing I heard was my dad saying ‘She thinks I’m going to chase after her, she’s wrong. She can go. I’m not chasing her.’ I was like fine, then.. Don’t. and I just lost it. and ran in the woods. I could hear my mom and sister yelling for me. My uncle texted me and told me to text him or call him as soon as possible. Eventually, I came back. and we got in the car to go find my boyfriend. When we got home, the door was locked and all of the lights were out. We go inside and my dad was passed out on the couch. He didn’t care about me. He sat on the couch, and fell asleep. He didn’t care that his daughter ran off. He didn’t care enough to look for her. All he cared about was sleep. When I woke up this morning, he just laid on the couch. I don’t even know if he was awake or not. It hurts so bad knowing that your dad doesn’t care about you. I know he was drunk, but still.. ):

I’m struggling to make them love me

Posted by in Family on May 24th, 2011 | 5 comments

I don’t care who reads this and in all honesty I don’t want anyone to reply, I just need to vent. We were the picture perfect family until we moved to Del Rio,Tx. I was in the fifth grade and the verbal abuse wasn’t as bad, it was only that I couldn’t be friends with them because they made me look like a ****, sure, I guess a group of straight A nerds could make me appear to be a ****. So I dumped them and stayed friendless until seventh grade. I got new friends and even got one boyfriend. My dad told me that if I didn’t dump my boyfriend he would kick me out and then the only way I could survive would be to sell myself like the little **** I was. I was even called fat by them, it made me eat a little less and made my weight go from 70lbs to 44.5lbs. Things got better as soon as I began joining things they wanted me to do and that would make them look good. Stuff they could brag about and that was when they would tell me that they loved me, words I hadn’t heard since the summer of fifth grade, that’s why I loved school. Because they would tell me that they loved me. Well in eighth grade things began to fall for me again. I was slapped by mom that threw me across to the other side of room, I had a bruise that stayed for three days on my face. My dad also threw a table at me. I was kicked out of my house to sleep in the backyard three times. For getting anything less than an A. This year my mom tried to get me but I went into my room and closed the glass doors and sat below it. She punched a hole in the glass and tried to get me that way. Even though the door wasn’t locked. I was kicked out for making a mess that I didn’t even do and slept in the rain on the corner of my street since my dad said if he even saw me on the street I would be sorry. I moved again and I stay locked up in my room now but still I’ve been kicked out in this big old city of San Antonio. It’s not my full story but it’s some and it’ll give me some relief that I got some of their things off of my chest.

Caregiver wants it all to end

Posted by in Family on May 23rd, 2011 | 10 comments

I have been caring for my terminally ill mother for the past three years and I think I’m about to break. I just turned 30, everyone else is starting careers and families and I spend my days wiping my bed-bound mothers ass. I think about crashing my car and just leaving all of this for my sister to figure out. I love my mother but her brain cancer has robbed her of mobility and personality. She looks to me as her mother now and I get so angry and tired. How could I ever have a child and go through this all again? I want it to end for me and her. What would be lost if we were gone?

I Want to Leave My Family

Posted by in Family on May 15th, 2011 | 14 comments

I secretly yearn to get in the car, and drive away. To anywhere. I don’t care. Just as long as it’s far away from here. I love my kids, but I do NOT love being a mom. My marriage is nearly sex-less. I feel unloved. I don’t have anybody to talk to or care for me. I feel alone. I am sad, and I want out. I can’t leave because I’m not financially able. I can’t leave because of family obligations. I can’t leave because I can’t face the humiliation, of being wrong, of everybody else being right. I want to leave, but I can’t. I just want to start over fresh, without looking back.

We never talked about it, so now I never talk to them

Posted by in Family on May 5th, 2011 | 1 comment

We never had any problems in my family. Drugs, alcohol, teenage pregnany, cutting, cancer. Not a problem. We pretended it didn’t happen. Never said a word about it. Eventually we couldn’t even look each other in the eyes.
8 other people in that house and not one of them came to see me in the hospital.
30 years later and they wonder why I never call.

Package deal

Posted by in Family on Apr 3rd, 2011 | 1 comment

I don’t like my boyfriend’s son. At times I feel love for him, but most of the time he is just annoying. And it’s not that I don’t like children–I like lots of children. Just not this one. I hope that as he grows older I will learn to like him more.

My Parents are Driving me Away

Posted by in Family on Apr 2nd, 2011 | 18 comments

Don’t get me wrong, I love them, but I’ve resigned today, I’ve officially lost the hope that they’ll ever listen to me. I’m sick and tired of hearing I’m wrong or stupid or a liar, and I’m done believing it. I’ve never had alcohol or drugs, I dont curse, Im a virgin and will be till marriage,I play piano at church every other week, and I get almost straight A’s but still my parents say I’m rebellious and malicious. I’d rather be stabbed in the heart than be called malicious. I can’t tell them how I feel without being judged and I’m not allowed to cry or show any feeling other than happiness and “contentment”. I’m honestly scared of talking to them, everything I say CAN and will be used against me. I’m just never good enough for them and I never will be! I feel like no one will care when I post this. it will be another of the million confessions. I just can’t take it anymore. they’re always right and I’m always wrong and if i try to protest then they tell me to shut up and that its just an excuse. But I’m done trying, because they’ll never care as long as I pretend. and no one does care.I’m 15 and I already dream of going to college away from this pressure

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