old affair new feelings

Posted by anonymous in Confused on Apr 28th, 2010 | 3 comments

ok where to begin? When I was in my 1st marriage I was feeling unattractive and just plain old. I felt tied down w/ little kids, I married very young and ended up having an affair. I don’t really know why. It was all about sex even though sex w/ my husband was great- sex w/ this other guy was phenomenal. It went on for about a year or so until guilt set in and I confessed to my then clueless husband about it. a little while later we divorced. I later remarried had a couple more kids and then HE contacted me…HE meaning the affair.

It’s been many years since the affair and all we do is talk online and talk about sex and talk about meeting but we never do. He’s w/ someone else, not married but it’s pretty serious. It started maybe 3 years ago and it’s off and on chatting. Sometimes its daily then we go for months without even talking b/c I get aggravated w/ the situation. I can’t seem to get rid of him. I’ve ignored him for up to 4 months then I fall back into answering his messages online. Then it’s all about sex and when are we going to meet etc etc.

There are times I want to but other times I don’t because I gained some weight since I last saw him, although he’s seen pics and doesn’t care I do. Then I think about not wanting to cheat on my current husband. I worry about disease and this and that and everything else and I start over-thinking everything.

There’s some sort of connection but I can’t figure out what it is.. we both agree our chemistry is tops, but otherwise we have no other common interests or similarities.

I think what draws me to him is the past. I remember the affair and how good I felt about myself.. I used to be so down on myself and felt tired all the time, and when this affair started I was suddenly feeling good about myself, my appearance, everything and energy like crazy.. I’m starting to feel down again and tired and wonder if we actually did meet if I’d feel better. It’s stupid I know… what’s wrong with me!?

Last Night

Posted by Anonymous in Confused on Apr 26th, 2010 | 0 comments

I saw someone I hadn’t seen in a very long time. I use to love him so much but we had such a tumultuous relationship. He broke my heart and betrayed me but I’ve finally come to a place that I can move on. Now he’s back in my life and I can’t seem to stop thinking about him and wanting to be with him. But now I know it’s impossible. I’m married. Why do I feel like screwing everything up for something that was never right to begin with?

I hate the person I’ve become

Posted by Cate in Confused on Apr 24th, 2010 | 3 comments

It all happened so fast.. I got one promotion after another and finally have the job I always wanted. But it doesn’t really make me happy. My determination to get there has turned me into a cold and bitchy person. It seems like I can only scream or snap at people. I don’t have any friends and most people at work would be more than happy to see me leave. I don’t want to be like this, I never thought I’d become this sort of person. I wish I could just be friendly and happy for a while, but I can’t.

Im Bi

Posted by lin in Confused on Apr 20th, 2010 | 4 comments

im 17 n im bi not many ppl kno that. i would rather be with a girl then a guy.  is that so wrong? wish if i told my parents that they would understand.  its not somethin i can help. i wish everyone would just take me how i am.

Bisexual and Married…

Posted by married and bisexual...confused in Confused on Apr 11th, 2010 | 9 comments

I’m a 37 year old woman and have been happily married to the most wonderful man alive for the past 15 years. My problem is that I have always liked women too. I have always been honest with my husband and told him that I slept with women before meeting him. He has always been very understanding about everything, but I don’t think he really “gets” me being bisexual. He thinks it is something I can just turn off and forget about whenever I want. Recently we have slept with other women together (3-some) and it has been wonderful. On the other hand, though, it has started up all of the woman-lust feelings I have kept buried for the past 15 years and I can’t stop thinking about being with a woman alone again. It is a difficult situation to be in, because he means everything to me and is wonderful as a husband, lover, friend, etc. There is nothing that is missing from our marriage. I just feel the need and urge to be with women too. I don’t know how to deal with my feelings. I guess I have always thought of myself as a woman who “experimented” when she was younger. I am starting to realize that I am in fact bisexual and really don’t know where to go from here….

How can I choose between my husband and a baby?

Posted by Anonymous in Confused on Apr 2nd, 2010 | 12 comments

I am nearly 36, my clock is ticking and I feel stuck in a life that I hate.

I have been with my husband for 11 years and my husband has always said that he would want children one day. However according to him, the timing has never been right, we had to get the house first, now we can’t afford one, etc… (although according to him we would have one tomorrow if we won lotto).

I told him that we’ll never be able to afford one, and that there will always be something and that my biggest regret is that I didn’t put my foot down sooner. My husband who is 46 responded that if I had that he wouldn’t be around and that he doesn’t want any children – he says that he is now too old and doesn’t want to lose his freedom and doesn’t want the responsibility.

Now I don’t know what to do. I feel resentment as I was born to be a mother and it is all that I think about. I feel that I have just wasted 11 years and that he has led me on this whole time. I’m not the type to have an “accident” and don’t believe in having a baby unless both parents want the child.

But I love my husband. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t leave him for another relationship just for the sake of having a baby – I would need to mourn the ending of our relationship, date, meet someone else, fall in love, get married and then have a baby and this would take years! And would probably be too late for me anyway.

So now I feel cheated and stuck… and scared – what happens if I stay and resentment eats away at me and I end up hating him anyway and we break up in a few years time? Then I have wasted more time, and for nothing.

I have tried talking to my husband and he alternates between thinking that everything is OK and that I will give up the idea of having children and between me having to make a choice between staying and going.

For now I just keep putting off my choice.

7 years no proposal, my eye is wondering

Posted by Polyamorous in Confused on Mar 31st, 2010 | 5 comments

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years and we’ve lived together for 5 years. We’re both 25 and he’s graduated from college and I’m about to graduate from grad school and I moved away from my family to be with him during college. I love him so much but he doesn’t seem to want to marry me. All he wants to do it play MMORPGs with stupid people. I even bought a subscription to the game because thats the only way he would really talk to me and spend time with me and prevent fights. Recently I quit the game and we are clashing again. When I bring it up he shuts down and says he’s not married and doesn’t know when he will be. When I see my friends getting proposed to and married and pregnant it makes me cry. I want to marry him and have his children and grow old with him but I really do not see it happening.
Recently I’ve been talking to a guy I knew in high school. He’s so amazing and I admit my eye is wondering as much as I love my boyfriend. I drove 100 miles to go have lunch with the guy from my high school and I sort of hoped it turned into something more. It didn’t because he wants to honor my relationship and he says he doesn’t want me to leave my boyfriend for him. I think it’s because he thinks if I’m doing this with my current relationship what will stop me in a new relationship.

I’m so screwed.

Stuck between

Posted by Anonymous in Confused on Mar 26th, 2010 | 2 comments

This month I met two nice gentlemen named _____ and _____. The bad part is they both like me. I text them everyday and the worst part is…they don’t know about each other. I’m going to see one of them this week and something will obviously happen and the other guy I saw him yesterday. He’s a senior an all my friends think he’s gorgeous. They’re both really nice guys but I can’t choose between them. I don’t want them to find out about each other because I don’t want to hurt any of them.

I never told him I had an abortion

Posted by Liv in Confused on Mar 11th, 2010 | 7 comments

when I was 27 I got pregnant with him. I really didn’t want to keep it. It didn’t work out with my job at all and I’d make a really, really horrible mother. I know that all sounds really cold and heartless, but that’s how it is. I was afraid to tell him, because I feared he’d try to talk me out of it. I had the abortion when he was on a businesstrip, when he came back I managed to pretend nothing had happened. I felt so horrible. Not that I regretted the abortion, but I really missed having someone to talk to. I made a mistake by not telling him, but by the time I’d figured that out it seemed too late to change that.
Eventually things got better and now (2 yrs later) we’re about to get married. One part of me says I should tell him to be able to start our marriage without lies and secrets, but the other part says it would only cause more pain if I told him. He might hate me for it. I really don’t know what to do.

Tired

Posted by Anonymous in Confused on Mar 10th, 2010 | 3 comments

I just want to run away and become a whole other person.

I am really just plain tired of everything. I moved to a city to be close to my parents, left a good job, and now I’m living with them, not working, and what I thought was going to be a positive experience, has turned sour.

I am deeply in debt, and I cannot find a job in my field, but I feel responsible for being here since my sibling passed away a couple of years ago and I’m all they have left. I feel like all this pressure is on me as the one left.

On top of that, I’m in love with someone who doesn’t seem to feel the same way, and I can’t seem to purge this person out of my life.

I’m exhausted and confused. I don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel.

I Like Being Upset..

Posted by Anonymous in Confused on Mar 3rd, 2010 | 3 comments

I dont know why, but i’ve realized that i like to be depressed/upset/sad.. i love the feeling.. and i dont know why. feels as if its just me who feels like this.. i start therapy this week, but i wonder if i should tell them that i feel like that, maybe they’ll think im mental..

Selfish

Posted by Anonymous in Confused on Feb 25th, 2010 | 5 comments

I love my husband, but I love another man as well. I want them both. Maybe I don’t know how to be happy. I feel guilty for hurting this man I care so much for, and I feel like I’m betraying my husband for having such strong feelings for someone else. Why am I doing this to all of us?