Calories and Thumbtacks

My day rotates around calories.
How many calories can I avoid; how many calories can I work off; how many calories are the total at the end of the day.
For every hundred calories I eat, a line gets written on my wrist underneath a rubber band. Every time the day ends with a positive number of calories left in my system, a line is written (like I eat 400, work off 300, that’s one line). Every time my stomach growls, another line’s written. Every time I want food, another line’s written.
The lines get transferred to the back of my left leg, and scraped in with a thumbtack at night.
I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, especially because no one else believes me when I try to talk.
I’m losing myself…

I’m only thirteen.

Please help

i was an innocent girl, had a bf didnt last. then got with a new guy. i loved him but he pressured me and was jealous…for the past 2 years he has been mean and treated me like property. if hes not doing that he is just iignoring me and he doesnt show me love and attention. im going through depression and anorexia. i recently slept with my ex. am i just a horrible person?? i shouldnt have done it. i dont know whats wrong with me.

should I move on?

I was in a relationship for almost a year about 2 weeks shy. during this relationship my boyfriend was abusive and broke my rib on one occasion and left tons of other bruises other times. he always said sorry and I believed him bc I knew he had mental problems. he told me how he wanted to get married and have kids. when I became pregnant on accident we decided to get an abortion bc we didn’t have the money to raise another child. about 2 months later I had an initial herpes outbreak and he said he didn’t have anything and wasn’t cheating on me so we just agreed not to blame it on either one of us bc we didn’t know. we fought about petty things bc of stress and broke up one time for a week and got back together. we were together a few months after that and one night we had a bad fight over petty things again and we split up. I regretted everything as it was happening and just wanted to be with him. We have been split for a month now and i felt I was my happiest with him he seems like he wants nothing to do with me anymore and I cant bring myself to just say good bye. I love him and still want to be with him, I don’t know if I should move on.

I HATE MY LIFE

i am having a hard time in y life right now. The biggest problem is that I think I have bisexual tendancies and i dont want them but i cant change it. i just hate my self righte now. in addition my parents found out and my mother dosent speak about it and my father is moving like he dosent care what happens to me. And my cousins found out an now the want to beat me up and i am afraid. Plus i started university and alot of people are picking on me and i cant stand it. i jus want to get away from everyone. i miss all my friends from home i want to be free from all this stress. i dont want to be gay but i get turned on eaiser by guys is still kind of like girls but i dont know what to do.

lost

I am falling back into love with my first boyfriend. I am engaged to someone else. Now that he is gone and off to school. I find myself being with my old boyfriend a lot and I can’t decide what I want anymore. All i want to do is be with him, even when my fiance is home for the weekend.

I pick at my face

I pick at my face. I have for years. I don’t want to, but don’t seem to have enough will power to stop the compulsion.

I feel like there is something inside of me that I want out. All the time.

I have scars. It makes me sad. But not sad enough to stop.

I don’t know what to do anymore

I’m 18 years old, only kissed 2 girls, and never had a girlfriend… Just this past friday, I went on a date with a girl, she pretty much asked me out, and when I asked her (after I got home) if she enjoyed our evening she said what all the other girls said “I only see you as a friend, but your a really good friend” it just seems that all I am is just a really good friend. I’ve only asked out 4 or 5 girls throughout all of high school, but when you get the same response from most of them you just seem to wonder if something is wrong with you…are you not boyfriend “material”. I tell myself that the only thing I want in life is love, and it feels like God is making it so hard for me to find it.
When I was 15, I used to cut, it would get things off of my mind, make bad thoughts go away for a while, but I felt guilty, but I guess feeling guilt was better then feeling lonely, and to this day I feel lonely everyday. Every night when I go to bed I just think about how much I want to cuddle with someone when I sleep, and wake up with them in my arms…I’m beginning to think it’ll never happen. Like I said it sucks thinking that something is wrong with you, what is even worse is thinking you’ll be lonely forever.
The only thing I want to do is make a girl feel happy, and it seems I can only do that as a really good friend to them…

Forbidden fruit of the garden

I’m a 15 year old girl, and I live with my parents. We have a little garden outback of our house, and we grow tomatoes, cherry’s, green beans, ect. And my dad has his own special plants growing in a secluded area of the garden. Both my parents smoke pot. Pretty much everybody in my family does, and it has always been that way. My parents are total hypocrites, my mom smokes cigarettes, (a gross expensive habbit) they both smoke pot, and when they were really young, they even messed around with some really bad drugs. (But don’t get me wrong, they are great parents and take great care of me, and love me.) I know that all of these things are bad, but my dad is always saying how great pot is, and that it should be legalized, and it has medicinal puposes, ect, ect. I grew up hearing these things, so I can’t help but belive it a little bit. I would NEVER consider doing the really bad stuff, (like meth, crack, ect.) But I can’t help but be curious about pot. It isn’t as bad as the other drugs. I admit that I have had alcohol before. And lately, I have been REALLY wanting to try pot. I dream about it at night, and have been contemplating ways to sneak some from the garden. But I know I could never get away with it without him noticing. I KNOW it’s bad, and I KNOW it’s illegal, and I feel bad for thinking this way. But I’m just lost. Everytime I go out there to pick tomatoes, and cherry’s ect, I see those plants. Forbidden, yet tempting. Any advice. (Please don’t be mean, I feel bad enough as it is, and I’m kicking myself for thinking this way.)

I’m a Transexual in love affair with an E Indian ….

I’m 35 passable all American and he’s 23 student from India. He lost his virginity to me months ago and we have been having this secret affair ever since. I’ve lived w/ the same guy for 10 yrs but not in love w/ him and we never have sex. But the Indian guy and I are strongly attracted and madly in love and he’s always talked about marriage. Can this really work??? I mean the 2 different cultures?? What if his parents don’t approve?? And I’m a pre-op Transexual white girl. If he asked me to marry him I would. I really do love him so much.

Twisted

As much as I do not want to have any children, if it happened by accident I would not object.
I ponder just taking the pills I was prescribed and just failing to tell my fiancé so he would think it was a miracle.
I worry I will feel as if I missed out on something by not having children, but I also worry I might regret giving up my plans.

my decision

im 15 and 3weeks pregnant. i never wanted to have a baby not even when im older, but im prolife and wont kill my baby because of my stupid decision.ive been thinking rather to keep the baby or to give the baby up for adoption. either way i cant see myself raising him/her and being a good teen mother, and i cant see myself giving him/her away to people i dont even know like my mother did to me. im scarred that with whatever decision i make ill regret it later on.

I’m so scared…

I think I might be a lesbian, but I’m scared to tell anyone. One, because it’ll break my boyfriend’s heart, two, my dad will probably disown me. Three, all of my friends will say “I told you so.” But mainly because my mom would be so disappointed in me…if she were still alive.