Secret Confessions

I think I’m in love with a guy that is at least 15 years older than me, married and with 2 kids. I say “I think” because I’m not really sure whether it is love or just a not-to-last passion. God, I’m not sure bout what I feel.

I do love hearing his honeyed voice and I do love the warmness of his body when he embraces me. Besides, I’ve already dreamed of kissing him and doing other stuff. He just makes the world feel all right, and I feel really protected when I’m in his warm arms…He’s got this easy breathing, this calmness in his eyes that makes me feel…balanced.

Thing is, I think I’m in love with him because I had an absent father…And now, I’m trying to fill the missing gap that my father left in my heart and mind.

Oh God, I wish I could take him out of my mind.

And, of course, I would NEVER, NEVER make something in order to harm his relationship.

I want to go away for a week and have no one know where I am, that I am gone, or when I will be back. I don’t want any questions or comments, I just want a break from my life.
Its really confusing. I cheated on my boyfriend with my best friend, now I want back with my boyfriend but I hate the thoughts of being a prick to either one..I really love them both.
I wish I could make things right again..but I am not sure what right is.. The trip away would help..problem is I have too many people nosing into what I do to get away like that…I wish I wasn’t 30 and still at home.

I love my boyfriend with all of my heart, I really do, but sometimes it feels like he is a little too controlling. He’s never actually forced me to do or not do anything, but he’s so judgmental about other people, he whines a lot, he has really high standards, and when he talks to me he uses language like “you can’t” or “you won’t”, and even though those are just words and he would never really force me to do or not do anything, those words bother me because of the implication that he is dominant. Maybe I’m just rebellious and picky with words, but it really bothers me that I can’t do anything without worrying about what he will think about it.

Because I know him better than anyone else, I know he doesn’t have a malicious intent when he does these things. He has stated that he’s trying really hard to not be so picky and annoying about everything, and I know that he really just wants to protect us, because he hates the world and believes that everyone is out to screw everyone else, but sometimes I really wish he would give the rest of the world a chance and allow me to be an adult and make my own mistakes every once in a while.

I want to be able to be on my own every once in a while and not have to worry what he thinks. I want to be able to be reckless and stupid every once in a while without him getting angry about it. I want to be my own person.

Lately am starting to wonder if i’m sraight or not, am kind of attracted to men, but i like man to man sex more than man woman sex,(am a 23 year old women), where as i get sick even thinking about lesb. sex. am soooo confused, unsatisfied, and getting depressed.

****. It’s amazing how tiring life has got. Can’t believe you’ve managed to **** me up when i tried to help u. U nothing but a two bit twat who’s not even worthy to breathe air on this earth. Lemme explain to all u readin on this. I’ve known this guy for years on end. He tried to commit suicide and i thought i’d be that supportive frend. now pumpin in life to him and rescuing him from that its left me drained, exhausted and ****** up. he got better and happy when i was helping. somehow we ended up having sex. i was not that into it but it was good. next thing he started having mood swings and i knew he had to be bipolar. he got angry and punched walls i thot he was going to hurt me. he forced me to have sex and he was happy again. little did i knw he was controlling me. only when i was in a well so deep did i realize it was emotional abuse. i tried to keep afloat and help him. i moved faraway, but he hounded me with phone calls every hour of the day threatinin to kill himself or sayin he had bought a gun and was shooting himself, or jumping off a roof if i ever stopped talking to hm. i got him to calm down a few months later, but by then the same feelings of depression and suicide started to plague me. stupidly i tried to get help from him. all he did was degrade me and force me to do sexual acts. the last time he forced himself on me and anally raped me. he was like another person and he jus would not stop when i tried to get him to. i tried to tell him i was leaving and told him i was going to approach his parents to get him institutionalized, but he blackmailed me sayin he wud expose personal information about me to my friends and family. felt so locked, trapped and alone. cause i could not talk to any1. managed to get things together and breakaway from it all. but feel like i am losing it. feel my head is constantly trapd in this past bullshit. my self confidence has been robbed. i was such a bubbly outgoing person. now i cant even concentrate on the simplest tasks at work. my mind is trapd. i am a very intelectual person. have tryd to read books even turn to god. but i still have these feelings. the other day i was happy to know he was hurting and in pain after being attacked. feel like its karma. i am not a horrible person. just now wana be able to live a normal life again. its not easy to let go of the past. especialy if wounds have been inflictd for yrs. this site has let me say this. this is the first time im sayin help me…

I was engaged to a girl for a year and a half. We left Austin and moved home trying to save money to move to California. While working at a newspaper I met and fell in love with a much more intelligent/talented woman.

I didn’t know what to do, but I stuck with my Fiance’. I was offered a full time job at the paper and moved back for good. My fiance’ decided to stay behind and a week later was dating my best friend ( and bandmate) of 11 years.

Was it happening while we were toegther?

I saw her at a concert for the first time since I left our apartment in tears three months ago. She was with him and he couldn’t look me, I could see his guilt in his entire body. As we passed each other, she grabbed my arm and looked into my eyes, saying nothing and everything at the same time.

What does that mean?

so im going to camit suaside in about a week no one gives a shit and when ppl does they dont try very hard i lost my gf of 3 years we planned a life together started at 15-18 she was sepos to call me to tell me on my 18th b day she will pck me up … the years go by all is great we never get in any fights and we loved eatch other very much she called me when i turned 18 she was 19 then she tells me she is dumping me i balled my eyes out i then tried to kioll my self all that did is send me to the hospitol i got out she called me 2 weeks after i got home i told her i cant handle this and hung up i went on msn to talk to my best friend she went on and put her cam on she had a gun to her head i begged her not to all she said while ballin is i am so sorry and 2 seconds latter blood galor its bin 6 years and a half and i am still in love with her .. WHAT THE **** DO I DO

My girlfriend’s madly in love me, but I’m madly in love with him.
He’s amazing. I’m in awe; infatuated. He’s so beautiful and nice and- I just want to be with him.

Why is this happening to me?

Its been 6 years since we broke up. At first, I was young (19 years old) and I thought I was doing the right thing. I completely broke his heart because I was his high school sweet heart…and the love of his life. As the years go by, I am 25 and still in love with him. Ive had my share of relationships and currenly in one now, for 2 1/2 years but still cant get my ex out of my head. I guess you can say “he’s just one of those ex’s you will never forget”.

A couple of months ago, he found me on MySpace and he wrote me a message, just a general “hey how are you message”, nothing too special. Ever since then I talk to him almost every week. But Im still in love with him, even though I have a boyfriend, I wish it were him. He tells me I should break up with my boyfriend because he knows I am not happy and I dont love him anymore. But why should I break up with him? My ex is currenly in those “I only want to have sex phases” and he’s even told me we should hook up and have sex just one last time.

Am I setting myself up for failure? I know that as long as he’s around, even in my head, Ill never be happy. What should I do? Should I tell him how I feel? Or just move on with my life….6 years later?

through this column me telling about my personal story..looking out for ur responce eagerly.Help me out..i hve nevr been into any relationship till now.But now a days have started spoken to one guy.he rele makes fun of me because i dont get horny so easily.i never got those types of feelings..i dont know is my future in danger if i dont go through all dis??

Today a co-worker said “If you are so depressed and miserable about your life, then go kill yourself already”. How could she say something like that. How does she know that there isnt someone around her wishing they were dead. If she only knew.
Thanks for the words of encouragement, Kay!!

I know you love me or so you say. You are here with me always having sex but yet you never proposed and make excuses not to get married. Why are you always putting me off and why can you tell me the truth. If you don’t want to commit to me and get married then just say so and I can deal with that. But you saying yes we will get married and never doing it is killing me.
I don’t believe you anymore. Can’t you see how much you are hurting me? You always get what you want and make ‘us’ decisions on your own so why can’t I get what I want. I am tired of your excuses and you pushing plans to get married further and further away. It’s killing me and pushing me away from you.
If 5 years isn’t enough to make up your mind then leave me alone. I don’t even tell you about my feelings, problems and everything else that’s happening in my life. I can’t even talk to you about us anymore because you get quite and vex. Why? Shouldn’t we be able to talk about everything? If you really love me as you say you do then why can’t you give me the peace of mind and commit to me or be honest to me. Why don’t you want me like that? Am I not good enough for you and your high and mighty family?
I feel like going out and doing stuff with other men just to make me feel better that you can’t commit to me and love me as I need you to. If I do it I hope you can take it and feel good to know what you have pushed me to do. I love you so much and you hurt me so badly every day I cry about it and I can’t even talk about it with you.

I thought I had overcome my anger toward you and toward myself for how I have reacted to your instability, but evidently I haven’t. I got some mail for you today and opened it and threw it away. I wonder why you choose to get your mail here instead of at your house? To show off! See, I’m still resentful toward you.

I take things to heart far too much.
When people try to give me advice on anything I post on the internet, I feel like they’re patronising me, that they think I’m an idiot, and when I reply to them I always think that I’m coming across as rude and only making enemies. I never like asking anyone to suggest improvements on anything because it feels like I’m compromising my own artistic integrity, and I feel guilty for doing it because I know they’re only trying to help.
I know that this shouldn’t bother me like this, but it does, and even the slightest hint that someone might not like me sends me into a slight depression. It isn’t healthy, and it can’t be good for my relationships with people. I’m terrified of offending people, but I fear that I can’t help doing it. I know people’s emotions are not made of china and won’t shatter at the slightest thing, but I still fear that someone will take something I say the wrong way, and if they do, I fear that I will come across as a bitch.
It’s bothering me a lot more than it should.

I am in love with my girlfriend, been together for almost 2 yrs. but i just cant stop myself from cheating on her after she broke my trust and disappointing me hard. I cheated on her with 7 different women, but yet i find no comfort in them because she’s the one for me no matter what. she is driving me crazy because i get so paranoid when she goes to work, thinking that she is lying again :(

help!