i have the life i thought i wanted…

Posted by sad in real life in Confused on Apr 1st, 2011 | 16 comments

so i have the life i thought i wanted.. i have a fantastic husband who absolutely adores me (and so many women want) and would do just about anything for me.. we live in a nice 3 bedroom townhouse in a nice area, he has a great job and we have one wonderful toddler. yet i am not happy and miserable in my life.. i love my husband but i dont think i am in love with him anymore (we have been together for almost 11 years), our house makes me depressed and im in it alot because now i’m a stay at home mom (which is not the job for me. i thought it would be but i was wrong). i got pretty much everything i thought i wanted and where i wanted to be in life but now that i have it i dont want it… there is life i think i want to lead more.. i was always brought up to want the traditional life but i just dont think thats for me.. i dont know what to do now.. and i feel bad for hating a good life that i have now.
and what makes it worse is that i’ve met another man who i have more in common and same values and lives the life i wish i had..

Why do I not care that I was raped again?

Posted by Tonya in Confused on Mar 8th, 2011 | 15 comments

When I was 12 years old I was raped by a friend of a friend. I would honestly say im not sure how I dealt with that or felt about it but I remember alot of anger more than anything. Again at 19 year old I was raped by a date and this did effect me in many ways. Now 30 years old my boyfriend’s brother rapes me at there home while my boyfriend is out of town on business for a few days. I stopped by to clean up before he returned and his brother forced himself on me. I was upset at first but as a little time went on, I lack the ability to be upset or really feel anything about it. I am not angry at his brother at all, in fact we are fine around one another. I only feel slight discomfort around him sometimes. But my question is, why am I not able to be upset by what happened? It was a clear cut & dry case of rape, but my lack of sadnes or any emotion at all makes me question whether he raped me at all!

Do I Have to Pick?

Posted by Anonymous in Confused on Mar 2nd, 2011 | 4 comments

I’ve been dating 2 men for about a year.
One I’m in love with despite the fact that he’s an alcoholic & lives in his moms basement.
The other I really like (not love) but he is in a position to help me further my career.
They both know about the other but now they are starting to push for commitment… I don’t want commitment… I don’t want a serious relationship.
I also really don’t want to stop seeing either one of them.
If I do continue seeing both of them I know it will all blow up in my face & I will lose both of them & my job.
Why can’t they just be happy how it was?

I have a secret that I have been keeping in for years…

Posted by Anonymous in Confused on Feb 24th, 2011 | 5 comments

I am happily married and have recently became the mother of a beautiful little boy. I am a wonderful, devoted wife, mother and friend.

But I have been keeping a secret from everyone…

I want to have sex with another woman.

I want to be married to my husband, and have a female lover…

I have always wanted to make love to another woman. I have fantasized about it since I was a teenager, but I have never made a move. I will NOT cheat on my husband and destroy my family, but I crave the physical affection of another woman constantly…

Everyday. Especially with some of my friends…

Can’t Stop

Posted by Anonymous in Confused on Feb 11th, 2011 | 1 comment

I keep making these stupid mistakes. I am trying so hard to let go of the past, move on, and live the life I know I deserve. I just can’t get past it… So when I am afraid I have to face it, I always run.. Whether using substances, packing up and leaving, or just hiding in my room. I know I need to let it go..

Jinxed

Posted by Anonymous in Confused on Feb 7th, 2011 | 0 comments

I believe I have a jinxed life. A life with a curse. Most of the time, I say something and it will happen later.

If someone crosses a line with me, I somehow gain control of their karma. The karma hits them back a lot worse than what they gave….until they are well and truely sorry.

I don’t want this. It just happens & I feel that I have no control over it….

my dad, whom i have never met

Posted by searching in Confused on Jan 17th, 2011 | 1 comment

i’ve asked my mom about my dad. all she tells me is that it was a mistake. she was 15 when she had me. i know that he is of a different race than her, i am darker, dark eyes and dark hair, and she is fair and blue eyed and blond. none of my mother’s family is dark, they are all northern european.

i know that when she was my age she lived overseas, i think my dad is from there. i don’t know anything about him, nothing, zilch. i want to know.

Going Crazy

Posted by Anonymous in Confused on Jan 15th, 2011 | 1 comment

In a two week time span, my mother got deathly sick and i walked in on my wife with another man. Two years later after relationships on both sides, I still love her. She knows it, We hook up occasionally and spend holidays as a family. It’s hard now to have no family, sharing my daughter, losing my house etc., — she had a bf, I just broke up with mine because i’m still in love with my wife. We’re still not divorced due to the fact I don’t need a judge working out a parenting plan for us. I really am a good guy, successful too — don’t know the right move here — kills me still to hear she’s been out with another guy who evidently is jealous of me. I’m normally very private but going nuts here.

all for nothing

Posted by shay in Confused on Jan 15th, 2011 | 3 comments

i thought getting a boob job would make you love me, you filled for divorce the next week, and i dont even like these new boobs i got

confused

Posted by crunchy.munchiee in Confused on Dec 29th, 2010 | 5 comments

I always said I would never be gay but it has crossed my mind

king abandon

Posted by Anonymous in Confused on Dec 13th, 2010 | 4 comments

the other day was the second time in my life that i sabatoged a relationship in my life over something stupid. this time it was about me smoking weed. my girlfriend and i were seemingly happy, but she didnt know that i smoked as often as i did. the result skyping her high…she didnt really notice just thought i was being more silly than usual. anyways she found out. i didnt deal with it well, other people were fighting in my life and i was stressed. i took up the same stance in the arguement when it came up a couple months ago and that was u either put up with my choice or go. in my opinion i was doing the right thing. i know it wouldve just changed her into a person she didnt want to b just by being around me. i didnt want to accept responsibility for that down the road. she had no idea the path that wouldve been in front of her if she had to put up with it. my reasoning is simple, people around crime become more accepting of it and sometimes fall into it, using that same ideology on being around a pothead, in my opinion she wouldve become accepting to slack behavior and possibly even travel the road herself. i couldnt have that. i couldnt ruin her life.
i feel bad about my decision because aside this one issue she did put up with it. but she felt hurt that i skyped her, and my stressed mindset refused me to see it as anything but another complaint. it wasnt, she was legitimately hurt and wanted me to make it better. so i broke it off. i hope only that my decision was right, because we were incredibly happy together, even if it was for only a short time.
still though i dont know if i couldve found a better way than what happened, my mind seeems unable to come up with what if’s in this situation.

I can’t get over it

Posted by Anonymous in Confused on Nov 6th, 2010 | 2 comments

I moved to Georgia two years ago and met a handsome, intelligent man who made me feel beautiful, but he’d been involved with someone close to me, so he was off limits. The attraction between us was undeniable. We talked on the phone for hours. I moved away and so did he; I have an entire life with someone else, but I can’t get him out of my mind.