I get really sad

Posted by Anon in Confused on May 23rd, 2011 | 1 comment

I’ve got a pretty pleasant life all in all. Loving family, decent place to live, good friends. I’ve got a job that I worked really hard to get and I really love. But occasionally (well more and more frequently) I get really sad. I don’t think it’s a depression as such, just something I’m sad about that I can’t put my finger on. Maybe because I’m single, maybe because I need something to change I don’t know. Just kinda wanted someone else to know.

Im a terrible person and a compulsive liar

Posted by Anonymous in Confused on May 22nd, 2011 | 6 comments

I know the majority of people will question if I am telling the truth and I can for once in my life, honestly admit I am. I have the self esteem of road kill. There is nothing about my body that I look. Even now when Im on a diet and exercising, my mum informs me that my bum and legs are too fat. She knows its a touchy subject yet her and my dad continue to ‘joke’ about even though it feels like they are kicking me when Im down. I am studying to be a nurse and yet it won’t sink in that people have far harder lives then I do. I have never kissed a boy since I was 14 due to shyness and Im now 21. Anytime a boy tries on a night out, I reject him for fear he will think Im a bad kisser and insult me (I know by rejecting him, I am insulting him and I feel bad for that). I lie continiously to my friends about boys. Even going as far to make up imaginary boyfriends. (Yes I know Im a loser :(…) I get angry so easily and Im just so tired of life. I want to be a better person and I think if I can improve myself then things will be easier. Please help me. Any asvice would be greatly appreciated and Im sorry about the self indulgent moan.

My fault

Posted by Itstrue. in Confused on May 20th, 2011 | 3 comments

The guy who I was in love with, and who loved me, just came out as gay, and I feel like it’s my fault.

Planned pregnancy and feels like a huge mistake

Posted by Anonymous in Confused on May 20th, 2011 | 19 comments

I don’t know even how to feel right now. My husband and I decided at the beginning of the year to start a family. Every month I would take a test and be disappointed that it was negative. Hubby and I had a great talk this past weekend about our expectations of having a child and were thrilled we were on the same page. He left a couple of days ago for a two week trip and for some reason I decided to test and it came back positive. I’m pregnant! I was in disbelief and so I bought a bunch of tests that I took at random times and it is confirmed by a digital this evening. Now I am terrified and sad and wish my husband was still home for me to tell him, and now I have to wait two weeks because I don’t want to tell him over the phone or email or text or anything else. I also don’t want to tell any friends or family, because shouldn’t my husband know first? I can’t stop crying. How can something that I was planning for (set up a baby fund, gone over the budget, started stocking up on wipes, even painted and spruced up the room for the would be baby, talked about it with husband constantly, read every online forum and article I could find, went to the Dr. to discuss health risks, have religiously taken prenatal vitamins), how can I have done all that and now, that is real and here I just want to take it all back??? I wish I wasn’t alone and I wish I felt happy and excited instead of depressed and anxious. I feel guilty already that I am not overjoyed. It didn’t take as long as we thought it would and I guess I thought I would have more time to emotionally and mentally prepare, but nope. I am pregnant. Of course, now if I lose the baby for some reason I will be horrified and heartbroken and like I brought it on by all my negative thoughts.

What is wrong with me? I’m not a teenager or in financial ruin or in a bad relationship. I’m a 30 something woman in a healthy, loving marriage with a solid income, a home with plenty of room to grow and caring, supporting family and friends. Why do I feel so blindsided by this and why am I so terrified of the consequences of this? I really wish my dear husband was home. I think I might not feel quite this way if I had him going through this with me, sharing in my disbelief and feeling overwhelmed. Instead, I will get to sit on it for two weeks before I can tell him, unless I break down and tell him over the phone. I just really don’t want to tell him like that.

I feel better typing it out. If anyone responds, please don’t be cruel or judgmental. No matter how whinny and immature this post sounds, My husband and I really put a lot of thought and consideration into having a child. I did not go into this blindly, I am just so taken aback regarding my reaction to the news. I never thought I would feel this way about my first pregnancy. I never thought I would be typing about the utter regret when I read “pregnant” on the test. I really hope this is a short lived emotional phase.

Slacker

Posted by Steve in Confused on May 13th, 2011 | 8 comments

I was born brilliant and was always the best in my class with no effort growing up. Now I’m in college trying to get an engineering degree. I know how to study but can’t seem to motivate myself to unless it’s the day before an important test. I think I failed the statistics class this semester. When I was in high school I took Calc 1 through 3 and got A’s. Now I can’t even pass a ****** statistics class. What happened? I don’t do drugs and barely drink. I’ve been in college for 2 years and have a 2.2 GPA and was on academic probation last semester. I know I’m smarter than all my friends who have GPAs over 3.0 but for some reason I can’t will myself to study or go to class when I need to. It’s looking like it will take me 5-6 years to graduate do to all the classes I have to retake and I’m worried that even when I do graduate no one will hire me do to my piss-poor grades. I love math and physics and building things, why is getting an engineering degree so hard for me?

Alone. Used. Ruined.

Posted by Anonymous in Confused on May 8th, 2011 | 23 comments

I am a nearly 34 y/o professional in the healthcare field. Never married, no children. I have a history of difficult relationships with men that continue to see other women on the side, or have had undisclosed girlfriends. This time, after dating an educated, intelligent, single man for the past 4 monthes, he has not only shared a permanent gift of hsv2 with me, but today I happened to stumble across emails and pictures sent to other women looking to meet up with them. I don’t understand it!!! Why do I only attract men with these behavoirs? And why am I so damn trusting? Now I am ruined for anyone else. Who will want me? My long time dream of being a wife and mother have gone from fading to unrealistic in a very short time. I’m absolutly heartbroken.

It’s Not OK

Posted by KW in Confused on May 5th, 2011 | 6 comments

I lost my virginity to a “friend” who is five years older than me. When we first met he was so nice. He made me feel wanted and special. I had never really had a relationship before I met him I though that it could be really nice with him. We started hanging out more, and more. Then 17 days after our first kiss we has sex. It was not fun or special or anything. Ever since then things between us have been strained and weird. We never talked about having sex. I don’t even think he knew I was a virgin until I told him he took it. Now the only thing I get out of being around him is pain. He is emotionally abusing me in a passive aggressive way. I try and break off the friendship, but I feel like it makes the fact that I lost my virginity to him stupid and dumb and not worth it. I know it’s not but I just don’t want to loose it. So I talk to him again. I don’t know what to do about him and where to go. I’m tired of constantly being confused and having all this pain I can’t tell anyone about.

i need help….

Posted by anonymous in Confused on Apr 27th, 2011 | 9 comments

i have been in a relationship for almost 11 years. in the begining he cheated and i had no idea. he cheated for probably close to 6 years. after that – he broke up with me and started sleeping with a new girl. who he ended up getting pregnant. we got back together when the baby was about 7 months old. and that was about 4 years ago. thing is i have always wanted him to marry me and have a baby with me. and since in the relationship with him – he has never “been ready” to get married. about 6 months ago, i told him i was miserable and didnt want to be with him anymore. he was devastated… he didnt see anything wrong in the relationship and yes – it was cause i met someone else. i had been friends with this other man for a few years and throughout that time we became close work friends. and that was it. but over time as my relationship started to get worse and worse i grew closer and closer to this other man. he does all of the little things that girls want. he gives me attention, love, affection and genuinely cares for me as a person. not that my boyfriend doesnt, but it is sparingly. the other day, my boyfriend proposed to me. i declined at the time and told him that there were things that needed work on our relationship. i just dont know what to do or who to choose. i feel like i love my boyfriend – i always will…11 years is a long time to be with someone and not love them. but with the other man, i know that i am falling in love with him. can you be in love with 2 people at once? how do you know who to choose or which path to take? i really dont care what the feedback from you all is – i just want some input!

Who I am

Posted by Hollins in Confused on Apr 27th, 2011 | 13 comments

I am a 19 year old girl. I am bisexual. I am Catholic. These things can’t live in harmony, no matter how desperately I want them too. So now I am stuck. Do I stay with the religion that I believe in but that doesn’t support me, or do I follow my heart and turn my back on God? There is no one I can talk to.
It would all be so much easier if I was normal. God already cursed me with depression. Why has he given me another cross?

Life is meaningless

Posted by Anon932 in Confused on Apr 26th, 2011 | 10 comments

I see no point to this life at all. Even if there is a spirit world after this one, then what is the point in that? Why does anything exist at all? It drives me crazy. I can’t accept that we just are but at the same time detest the idea of any type of plan.

I’m not unhappy. I have a good life. I have good people in my life. I really don’t want for much of anything. I have a good job where I help people. I get up to lots of things that make me happy. It’s all good but over and over again I question everything and the pointlessness makes me wish I didn’t exist.

Half the reason I don’t want kids is to minimise the amount of people who care for me in life. I’m fairly convinced that once my parents and sibling die or move away that I’ll end it all. Yes, I see value in family connections and I recognise the value people place upon life but I just don’t see the point in it.

I know the answer to this sort of thing is unavailable but without them I think I’ll continue to wonder and life will be shadowed with these thoughts. I wish I could stop existing entirely instead of waking up tomorrow.

i lie

Posted by anonymous in IN in Confused on Apr 13th, 2011 | 1 comment

every time i tell anyone that i’m over my ex-wife it’s a lie. i hate that she is still my friend because it makes me miss her even more every time i see her. she was the only one there for me when i got arrested, even my family didn’t seem to care. i lost my job and i can’t stop thinking about her. i don’t want to love her anymore i get even more depressed every day because i miss our life together.

My life, my talent and passion; All goes to waste?

Posted by Laskie in Confused on Apr 4th, 2011 | 11 comments

I am 24 years old African, talented and self-taught graphic and web designer. I have never been employed (because I don’t have no school papers, I droped out of college because I couldnt afford to pay fees).
I am trying to make it as a freelance designer but I don’t know where to start while totally broke. I can’t pay for a poster ad, I have designed my personal site but I have no money to put it up. I cannot borrow a bank loan either because I have no salary security. I feel that life is unfair to me, all my friends I grew up with are rich and don’t want to associate with me now. They consider me a looser because I dont have a girlfriend, always broke and stay indoors 24/7. They dont know I have talent in design and spend 15 hrs a day trying to improve on it.
Any one out there, give me a practical advice on where to start, give me hopes or something, I really need to make it in life and help my family out of poverty, despite not being able to finish college. Where can I get someone to fund me just to be able to start off. Am sure with 2 clients I will be able to pick up, I believe my work will sell out and bring in more clients.