Currently Browsing: Childhood

Wants to forgive a lost soul

Posted by in Childhood on Jul 23rd, 2009 | 9 comments

I want to forgive the man that molested and tortured me from age 5-13 over 10 years ago. Im not sure why I just feel compeled to forgive him. I think in a way Im more godly then I thought and this is god telling me too. I just want to give myself to my husband and children whole and healed and not be so scared of every odd looking man I see. I know this will ruffle alot of feathers and piss many people off but I want to do this for myself and for my family most of all.

This is who i am becoming.

Posted by in Childhood on Jul 13th, 2009 | 7 comments

This was me:

1)A fat Bitch
2)A bulimic
3)A person who hated themselves
4)a person who hated life

This is who i am becoming!

1) a slim person
2) a successful TV presenter
3) A person with perfectly straight teeth
4) a celebrity
6) A girlfriend to lead singer/guitarist of a band. and maybe become his wife
7) a model
8) A happy person

And for all the bullying from friends, family and enemies.
To the people who treated me like crap
To the people who made me feel like i was worthless, to the point i used to try and kill myself, hit myself or punish myself.

do you know what they get?

Nothing

they get to see me at my glory for once in my life. And watch me in through the tv screen and the papers. living my life and wishing that had given me the chance, instead of making me feel like that.

I believe in 4 things.

1)Dreams always come true
2)Mine are coming to me before my 19th
3) The universe delivers things you ask for, no matter what
4) The most important… IS ME! I finally Believe that i am worth something. that those years behind me, are just memories and that come september my life will change

It happened twice

Posted by in Childhood on Jun 4th, 2009 | 14 comments

When I was about 13 years old my younger sister and I used to get naked and practice pashing each other and touching each other. It only happened twice but it haunts me every day. I am married now to a wonderful husband and my sister and I are really close but I am so afraid that I have hurt her and I know now how wrong it was at the time. I go to church every weekend and pray that God will forgive me every day. It makes me feel sick that it ever happened. I wish I could take it back.

The Fire

Posted by in Childhood on May 10th, 2009 | 3 comments

When I was young, my brother and I set fire to the church we lived next door to. We were caught trying to put it out with cans of lemonade. It spread and ended up burning our house down. Still, everybody thinks it was an electrical problem in the church. He told me I couldn’t tell anybody so I never did.
I don’t regret it. He means more to me than anyone and it makes me feel closer to him knowing that there is something that we know that nobody else on the planet does.

My Brother

Posted by in Childhood on Apr 12th, 2009 | 16 comments

From when I was 8 years old til when I was 12, my brother used to touch me. He’d make me play ‘games’ with him and bring him to orgasm. I hated it, but I was too scared to tell anyone.

Now i’m 22 and i’m terrified of sex. I still see my brother all the time and he now has two little girls of his own.

No-one knows but it’s ruined my life.

Glad to Fail

Posted by in Childhood on Mar 6th, 2009 | 2 comments

I tried to kill myself when I was 15. I am now almost 30, and for the past 12 years, I can’t even express how glad I am that it didn’t work out.

I CAN’T FORGET MY PAST…

Posted by in Childhood on Jul 13th, 2008 | 3 comments

WHEN I WAS 14-15 I WASNT POPULAR AT SCHOOL , AND HADN’T ALOT OF FREINDS BECAUSE I WAS A SENSIBLE AND A SHY GIRL…AND I USED TO SEE ALL MY CLASS MATES(GIRLS) GOING OUT WITH GUY AND ORGANIZING DINNERS AS A GROUP! I WAS JEALOUS AND ANGRY AT THE SAME TIME BECAUSE NONE OF THEM INVITED ME TO SOMETHING…SO I TOOK A REVENGE AND I WENT OUT WITH 8 GUYS AT THE SAME TIME EVERYWEEKEND! I USED TO FLIRT WITH EVERYGUY AND SOMETIMES GIVE THEM ORAL…I WAS STILL A VIRGIN AT THE TIME.. I COULDNT REFUSE TO GIVE THEM PLEASURE…BECAUSE I THOUGHT THAT THIS WAY I WOULD BE LIKE MY CLASS MATES AND BECOME POPULAR !AND THEY USED TO THREATEN ME AND TOUCH ME HARDLY…BUT I CONTINUED TO PLEASE THEM…I DIDNT KNW THAT BITCHING WAS SOMETHING HORRIBLE….TILL THIS TIME , I STILL CANT FORGET THE DAY I USED TO HAVE THINGS WITH THOSE GUYS, BECAUSE I FEEL GUILTY AND PAIN AND HURT AND ASHAMED OF MYSELF AND BECAUSE I CAN’T TELL MY PARENTS :( IF THEY WILL KNOW ABT WHAT I DID, THEY WILL NOT SPEAK TO ME AGAIN!I WOULD HAVE CAUSED A DAMAGE TO THE FAMILY!

Demons in my dreams

Posted by in Childhood on Apr 4th, 2008 | 5 comments

I still remember the war…. 12 years of civil war…. the heads of people cut off on the side of the street…. i was a child then … i still remember and at night they come to me in my dreams ….. its 15 years later when will it stop…. i took a gun to my head to night …. almost pulled the trigger, i remembered theirs more to life but i feel like one one this nights… i will make the demons stop and leave everything behind.

Its ok

Posted by in Childhood on Mar 22nd, 2008 | 7 comments

I just wanted to post this in response to the post i just read.

I was sexually abused by my step-father from the ages of ten through thirteen. I was so scared everytime it happened that i couldn’t move a muscle. I would tell my mother every morning after it happened and she would say that it would never happen again, and it always did. I had to live with that man for five years. I finally made him stop but i couldn’t leave so i had to stay until i graduated from high school. when i later brought it up to my mother and accused her of being as much at fault as him, she said that i was crazy and that i needed to be commited for even thinking that it had ever happened. I had told social workers that it happened and they asked my mother for confirmation. when my mother found out about it she said i was lying to get them in trouble. She and i got into a fight after it. I am only saying that it is not right for a father, brother, uncle, neighbor, ANYONE! to touch you without your permission. it is not ok. it is not fine, you cannot self medicate it. it will not stop until you take a stand and MAKE it stop. find a teacher, a cop, a neighbor who you trust. find some way to get out of the situation. find someone to let you stay the night with them and then go to the police about it. Do not let yourself become another statistic. i am sick of the abuse victims who think that they are not good enough to be saved. you are worth it. I made myself worth it and i am going to work my hardest to find a way for others to get out of it.

Childhood Nightmare

Posted by in Childhood on Jan 5th, 2008 | 9 comments

When I was little I was sexually assaulted by a family member of mine. I was 7, she was 13. It went on for 3 years. It ended finally 6 years ago, but I’m still haunted by it.

I want to tell family or friends, but I fear that the truth will rip our family apart. I’ve become depressed and suicidal over it. As well, it’s made me question my sexuality (I am a girl, as was she).

I’m 16, I shouldn’t have to deal with this. But my family doesn’t deserve to deal with it either. I don’t know what to do, and I can’t talk about this to anyone.

dogs

Posted by in Childhood on Dec 8th, 2007 | 4 comments

I was the oldest of 5 kids, I hated being around them, and my parents fought all the time, I hated that also, so I grew up closer to the yard dogs than any of my siblings, I’m 62 now and still love dogs better than them.

Stole

Posted by in Childhood on Nov 6th, 2007 | 1 comment

When I Was In 8th Grade. I Was Used To Stole Things From My Friends Bags But I now have Left Every Thing God Plzzzzzzzzz Forgive Me.

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