Secret Confessions

I still remember the war…. 12 years of civil war…. the heads of people cut off on the side of the street…. i was a child then … i still remember and at night they come to me in my dreams ….. its 15 years later when will it stop…. i took a gun to my head to night …. almost pulled the trigger, i remembered theirs more to life but i feel like one one this nights… i will make the demons stop and leave everything behind.

I just wanted to post this in response to the post i just read.

I was sexually abused by my step-father from the ages of ten through thirteen. I was so scared everytime it happened that i couldn’t move a muscle. I would tell my mother every morning after it happened and she would say that it would never happen again, and it always did. I had to live with that man for five years. I finally made him stop but i couldn’t leave so i had to stay until i graduated from high school. when i later brought it up to my mother and accused her of being as much at fault as him, she said that i was crazy and that i needed to be commited for even thinking that it had ever happened. I had told social workers that it happened and they asked my mother for confirmation. when my mother found out about it she said i was lying to get them in trouble. She and i got into a fight after it. I am only saying that it is not right for a father, brother, uncle, neighbor, ANYONE! to touch you without your permission. it is not ok. it is not fine, you cannot self medicate it. it will not stop until you take a stand and MAKE it stop. find a teacher, a cop, a neighbor who you trust. find some way to get out of the situation. find someone to let you stay the night with them and then go to the police about it. Do not let yourself become another statistic. i am sick of the abuse victims who think that they are not good enough to be saved. you are worth it. I made myself worth it and i am going to work my hardest to find a way for others to get out of it.

When I was little I was sexually assaulted by a family member of mine. I was 7, she was 13. It went on for 3 years. It ended finally 6 years ago, but I’m still haunted by it.

I want to tell family or friends, but I fear that the truth will rip our family apart. I’ve become depressed and suicidal over it. As well, it’s made me question my sexuality (I am a girl, as was she).

I’m 16, I shouldn’t have to deal with this. But my family doesn’t deserve to deal with it either. I don’t know what to do, and I can’t talk about this to anyone.

I was the oldest of 5 kids, I hated being around them, and my parents fought all the time, I hated that also, so I grew up closer to the yard dogs than any of my siblings, I’m 62 now and still love dogs better than them.

When I Was In 8th Grade. I Was Used To Stole Things From My Friends Bags But I now have Left Every Thing God Plzzzzzzzzz Forgive Me.

I want to confess, that i used to be a very talented lier since my child hood. My parents always trusted me and used to think that their son never tells a lie. But I was the one lieing …

They used to believe my words more than any of my little brothers and sisters, am sorry i betrayed them.

I confess…

As a boy I was ritually abused sexually and the adults who were supposed to protect me were indifferent, so when a girl my age came to me and demanded sex I didn’t hesitate to satisfy her every wish. How she knew the way I was is still a mystery. Through my life I have always been vulnerable to dominant women and sometimes I think I would have been better off to have died young.

My Mama stopped hugging me when I was 5, when my father left my home. I saw my Mama have sex with another man when I was 7, on my bed.

I was only a child, approximately 8 years old and yet, apparently I was older than my years. I went into one of the rooms in our house, to get something or put something into the wardrobe. I obviously sensed a presence since I turned to look at the back of me and there, standing and hiding behind the door was a man. I recognized the man, he was a workmate of my Mum’s. Not a word was spoken but we looked directly into each others’ eyes for several, very long seconds then I simply continued on getting or putting and left the room. I have no recollection of anything pertaining to that incident since. There was never a mention of it that I can remember. I do not recall my Mum sitting me down to confer and instill the need for secrecy for my part and yet, I knew that my secrecy was imperative. My Mum and I have a very close friendship and we do discuss other affairs, with men, that she has had. However, to this day, that particular event has never been discussed or even eluded to. I can only surmise that the affairs that she willingly discusses must have some justification, in her mind and this particular one was more errant and deceiteful.

How extraordinary that an eight year old child holds the ability to discern or judge what is true, right or wrong, or harmful and instictively exercises a course of action that pledges allegiance. That the innocent child can have such a strong feeling of devoted attachment and affection to ascertain that being loyal to one’s family and preserving it’s harmony is imperative is astounding.

I often find myself thinking, as I look into the eyes of an innocent child, what wisdom lurks there?