Secret Confessions

I almost killed myself a year ago.

I almost gave up my virginity to him.

I almost thought I could be happy.

Sometimes I can be a very annoying person, I get hyper, I can’t control myself and I have an alarmingly low self-esteem. I have gotten very good at hiding it, most people think that I’m a happy, outgoing person but I’m not. I feel like I can’t talk to my parents or my sibling about it because I’m scared that they might judge me or think that I’m wierd. I have a lot of great friends and I know that they love me, but sometimes I feel like I annoy them so much. If I don’t know all the secerets or everything that is going on I feel left out, alone or that they hate or don’t trust me. I know I have a problem and I told my parents I want to see a shrink but my dad said that it was normal and that it would pass. It still hasen’t passed and it’s getting worse everyday. Now it’s the end of the school year and the only guy I can talk to truthfully is leaving along with his two siblings who are also my friends. I don’t know what I’m going to do next year, especially since I’m going into high school. People also tend to screw me over alot and it doesn’t help my situation. I had to get this out of my head without anyone knowing about it, and this website helped me do it.

I’ve only known you for two weeks, but I already love you so much. The problem is I can’t really tell you, because you’re from my same gender. I’d love to hear you love me too, but we’re 4,000 miles away from each other. You’re the only one I think of when I feel down or in trouble. I guess I’ll never tell you. I don’t know what you think about me. I feel so sad when we don’t talk.

Though I can’t let it be known, I watch the human race, I watch the world, I can’t stop analyzing everything. I’m a good person, though saying that makes you sound awful.

I always want to help, but day in day out life knocks me down and I lose faith in the human race, I’ve helped all who’ll let me, and at times I can’t get up in the morning and face it all over again, the aloneness, the disgusting intentions of people, I have a purpose and it’s to uplift the down, but how can I do that when I’m the one who can’t do it anymore.

You all confess about deep things, but mine is a matter soo deep it goes beyond what you can imagine.

It’s every emotion in one, it’s almost unbelievable.

But I’ll keep giving, no matter how many shadows, I’ll keep lifting.

I’d never tell myself I’d rant off some random site I felt off Google, but I need this off my chest. I’m extremely alone and I want to die sometimes. The only thing that holds me back is I’m afraid of it hurting my family. I don’t know why they would want someone as worthless and bitter as myself, but they do care about me a lot.

I grow attached to people extremely easy, especially females. Only problem is is that they are a) Not Single b) Find me to be Awkard and Dumb or both. I find myself to be going in this endless cycle of constantly thinking about someone then wanting to kill myself because of how lonely and depressed I am. Sometimes I think medication would help, but I don’t want a drug messing up my mind, making it the reason I’m happy. I don’t want that medicated numbness.

I want to be different, I hate the way I am, the way I think. Maybe I’ll be useful one day, but for now, I’m utterly useless.

Yes, I did leave my husband for him! I felt an incredible connection with him that I have not felt in a very long time.
Now here I sit by myself….lonely and wondering what the hell I did!!!!
But I will not go backwards….I can only mov forward and hope that someday I will find the person who loves me as much as I love them.
But still here I sit lonely and wondering.

I think that I am falling in love with a girl. She’s one of my best friends. I don’t know if she feels the same way about me. I’m too scared to ask her because I have so much emotional scarring from people cutting me down all my childhood. I have never been in a relationship. I want to be with her and have for the past 2 years but I don’t know if I can handle the rejection. I’m scared of my emotions. I hate myself.

I’m 17 yrs old and in Grade 12 my mum has Bipolar and I have just been diagnosed with it to its hard because I’m mums carer and have to look after 4 other brothers and sisters my dad walked out on us 5yrs ago and has never come to see us in those 5yrs since he left we have never heard from him and life at home has been hell mum doesn’t want to do any activities with the kids so I have to take them out on weekends so I have no time to study or go out with friends its driving me insane is it to much to ask just for a bit of me time don’t get me wrong I love my brothers and sisters but sometimes its to much to handle and the only way out is suicide I just cant handle it I’m playing mum at 17 for gods sake I hate it I don’t know who to turn to cause we have no relatives in the area or outside friends I drink to escape reality and soon hope to escape it forever by ending my life I just need advice as I don’t want to end my life its just the only option at the moment there is no other way out

My boyfriend and I were together for 9 months… I started growing away from him and he tried so hard to keep things working. But then he started pulling away. I tried to stop what was happening but it was too late and we broke up. Then I found out I was pregnant. So we got back together. He says he can’t believe he’s back with me because of the way I treated him at the end of out relationship. He refuses to sign the birth certificate because if his school finds out he would be kicked out and lose all chance of becoming an officer in the Army. He says he’ll sign after school, but it hurts. He’s 1500 miles away and I would give anything to have him at the birth, to have him sign. He feels lost and confused, unhappy. But I don’t know what to do. No matter how much I love him, I can’t make him feel the same as he did before… I love him so much and would do anything to have him be a part of our lives. But I don’t know what to do.

To my ex-girlfriend

The week you left for school was the worst week of my life.

It became the worst week for you when your brother committed suicide.

The truth is, the only reason I didn’t kill myself was because he did it first.

I’d say “thank God I was alive to be there for you” but then I think that if I were to tell you all of this, you would wish it was the other way around.

P.S. I think about him almost everyday still.

I’ve had a few problems in the past. Major problems. I used to go to an all girls school and I had a weak bladder, so when all the girls found out they called me things behind my back. I tried to tell them the truth, but I knew they’d just tease me even more. Now it’s the future and I have no friends. No one will communicate with me in my new college. When I do talk to people they just stare and smirk. I hate to say this, but because of this I’ve attempted suicide numerous times. I wonder if I did tell them the truth would the be my friends today? Thanks for reading

I am now middle aged but every day for the last few years I have thought about killing myself. Just about the only thing that is stopping me is remembering how devastating my father’s suicide was for my mother and brother. But I don’t know how long that is going to be enough of a deterrent

I am always feeling alone and I don’t know how to deal with it. It got so scary sometimes; I always imagine myself dying alone which is my biggest nightmare. I want to do something about it, I want to be normal, but I don’t know how to start. Truth be told, I’m too scared to begin living. What the hell is wrong with me?

So many people claim that they admire me because I’m “so smart”

because I’m “so independent”

because I’m “so strong”

I’m tired of being strong. I’m tired of having to do everything for myself. I’ve just turned 22… and I’ve already been on my own for 5 years. I lost my mother about a year and a half ago and I still haven’t let myself grieve about it because I’m afraid that if I do, I’ll finally break and there will be no one around to pick up the pieces. I want someone to save me. Is that so bad?

If it’s not… then why is it so hard for me to admit it?
And why can’t I stop feeling so lacking inside?
Then I feel guilty for allowing myself to express how I feel. I know I have no right to complain when there are so many other people who have it worse.

And if one more person tells me that all I need to do is pray… I’ll ******* scream.

Wow.
What a convenient site.
Well, I’ve just started a year at a new school, and as usual I’m having no issues whatsoever making friends. But, my two best friends who I trust the most are at a different school. I haven’t seen them in a while, and I’m terrified of losing them.
I do have a really close friend at my new school, but I don’t feel that she’s the sort of person I’d tell important things…
So, to replace the contact I usually have with my best friends, I’ve begun writing on sites like Livejournal, Mibba, Quizilla etc. and building ‘no-strings-attached’ friendships with people I can relate to. I don’t know if this is a good thing or not, but I really don’t need any lectures on ‘internet safety’ or ‘the dangers of online predators’. Spare me the repetition.
I’m pretty sure it’s better than keeping everything bottled up, I guess. My parents are thinking of sending me to see a therapist, since I’ve been depressed. They recently found out I’ve been taking pain medication when I didn’t need it and they think it’s ‘unhealthy’ the amount of time I spend alone in my room.