Secret Confessions

I’m 39, female and still single. no kids, either. Some days I love my life, other days life sucks. I’ve always wanted my freedom. Being married or even in a relationship, is confining. I don’t want or need sex. What I need is a sugar daddy. Some rich old man who pays my way with no strings. I just want the money. I know I’m selfish. But I’m not into being hurt again. Love is a joke. A fantisy created in books and movies. The fairy tale doesn’t exist. Just ask Princess Diana. I don’t hate men, I hate ALL people.

I have HIV and have had it for 5 years since I was 19 instead of telling people that try to get close to me I push them away and shut myself out… Most times I think of killing myself.

You don’t know this but the day you called from abroad to say you had met someone else and couldn’t talk to me anymore was the day I was going to tell you I had lost our baby a few weeks earlier. That last night we spent together when you made me feel like a hooker cos I had walk out of the hotel alone, was the night our child was conceived. I lost our baby and even though you didn’t know, I hate you for the conversation you didn’t give me a chance to have with you. I hate the fact that I blamed myself - that maybe I had done something wrong. I’m over you but I will never get over the big empty space inside me. You’ll never know how close you came to being a father and I can never tell you. I do wish you happiness and I hope no one ever hurts you as much as you hurt me that day…..

My father is in the military, my mother is a stay at home mom, and I have a 13 month younger sister. My father dosn’t talk to me much thanks to my loss of spot. My mom and I couldn’t clash more, she sees her life as an episode of the desperate housewives (although she refuses her alligations). And my sister and I are practically at eachothers throats whenever my parents aren’t around. I just moved to the other side of the world, and hate it here. My dad’s pretty high ranked, so I have to lie to everyone who is here when I say that I am indeed enjoying it here. I hate this place, let me go home! I’ve always been rather shy, so when I was finally able to surround myself with good friends I could tell the world to, I felt complete in some way. And now that I’ve been dragged over here… my friends, my real family has started to ignore me. I guess you could consider that being a fake friend, but they wern’t fake. My parents keep trying to get me to make friends over here, but I can’t seem to do that. When I thought I did make a friend, she started to boss me around, make fun of me, and treat my sister badly, and I can’t get away from her. There is no sancturary here. I have no where else to turn.

I’m not exactly sure what to say but I am a woman, I am worn out by life and I’m only 33. I have been estranged from my family since I was 16 but put myself through college and have a professional qualification. I have always worked to pay for my education, flat, bills etc. and that is fine but for some reason I am just fed up with everything. Relationships haven’t been much better, but I recently fell in love with a really good man, however he didn’t want to get into a serious relationship and I decided to respect his decision and broke up with him. I guess I sometimes just feel tired, like life is wearing me down and I don’t want to become cynical or bitter but I feel very alone sometimes. I am not suicidal or anything like that but I just wonder what is the point in living when life is just a series of hardships and when you try your best to be a decent person but things seem to never improve for the better. I feel ashamed of myself for feeling this way when I should be grateful for all the good things I have in my life but I guess I’m lonely and would like more support in my life.

I’m 14 years old.

I have been self harming for almost 2 years and I’ve been suicidal twice.
I’m not scared of suicide because I don’t have the guts to do it. I doubt I ever will. I love my friends and family too much.
That makes me sad. Because no matter out I will never escape. I’ll have to live through it all.

People think I’m too young to feel anything and that I’m attention seeking. They don’t understand.

About a month ago, I ended a three-year relationship with my fiance. I thought he was the one. I thought he would be the one to help me leave my pain and sorrow behind. I thought he would be the giver of love and joy for the rest of our lives.

I was wrong, and once again, I was betrayed, and this time the hurt was greater than anything I’ve experienced. All because his pride and ego are too important to him.

That’s when I discovered: In these past 3 years, I have lived my life the way he wanted me to. I like what he likes. I act the way he acts. I think the way he thinks. In short, I have completely replaced my own unique identity with a clone of the man I now loathe with all my heart and soul.

My friends all told me to find someone to help me get over my heartbreak faster. However, I no longer want to depend on a man, and I no longer want to have someone hand me happiness and joy on a silver platter. Those are things I need to discover myself. So until I rediscover my identity, personality, passion, and most importantly, my self-esteem, I have sworn off all men.

It has been 2 months since I made this committment. I am still in the process of searching for me, but I love every minute of it, and it feels GREAT to have power over my own self again!

All my life I’ve been shy. It didn’t bother me at first. But 3 years ago I changed schools and I couldn’t make friends. I am now 16. I tried to change. I let go of my insecurities a little but then I was faced with another problem. Even though now I could speak louder and clearer then before, I could give more specific answers then just “yes” or “no”, I found that it is hard for me to communicate with people. I just can’t think of what to say. Whenever my cellphone rings my hands begin to sweat, my voice shakes and I can’t think straight. I hate it. Every weekend, the people I sit with at lunch go out together. I wish they would ask me to go out too. I know they won’t reject me if I ask if I could come but I don’t want to feel like I’m intruding. I feel so alone and stupid because it’s something no one else has problems with. I wish someone could help me. I’ve been alone and insecure most of my life and I fear it might never change. I hate being alone.

im feel so lonely i have been living with my relatives since i was 13 now im 21(not mom and dad) and they enjoy trying to make me feel like an outcast and tell me all the time how no one likes me if i was to fall on the streets no one would help me because im so horrible,selfish, stupid and that i think im better then them when im not i have high self esteem so it doesn’t get to me like that anymore and they hate it and put so much effort in it.i feel alone at home even when everyone is home and lately everytime i get close to a guy something always happen to make him leave and its so hard for me to really connect with guys on that level and not to be concieted but i get hit on date offers and free things all the time i even got hired onece just because of my looks making realfriends is been impossible even tho im very social at work but you cant call these people when you’re just had a fight with your aunt and need a shoulder to cry on and all the ones i have now we have grown apart execept one and she can only do so much with me as i am writing this there is a party going on at my house and im not there because i feel so out of place.i feel so so alone like im living in a country where i dont speak the language and i hate it so much
help

I feel so alone nearly all the time.
I go on chat sites and talk to strangers to help me forget. I use these people to erase the lonliness I feel. When I’m filling my time talking to strangers who tell me I’m sexy and gorgeous I don’t feel so alone.

My mother doesn’t take me seriously when I agree that I should go to counselling or whatever. She just thinks I’m being sarcastic and insolent.

I have to fight the urge to start hurting myself again.

I have someone who takes away the lonliness. He’s lovely and sweet and kind-hearted. He says he loves me and he wants to be with me.
I can’t believe him because I don’t understand what he sees in me.
And I don’t want to be hurt again.

Only 2 other guys have told me they love me. One ended up telling me he didn’t love me and he never loved me, after months of letting me think he cared for me. The other said he’d love me forever. Let’s just say i no longer belive in the word forever.

Forever doesn’t exist and all guys lie.
I don’t want to think this but I can’t help it.

I don’t want to be alone anymore but I’m too scared to let anyone in.

I think I’ll be single for the rest of my life.
The sad part is that people actually say I’m pretty and guys do hit on me, occasionaly.

well, that’s a big question. Why I want to die? And the only reason is “i m so alone”.
I make friends easily, but everyone takes me as granted soon or later. They think “oh! this guy is going to be with you always.! Just Show him a little affection.” I don’t know but i think that’s true.

Why am i so Hungry for a little love, a little affection, Can’t i get that, Don’t i deserve that.!
Sometimes, i hide myself from my family and cry a lot.
The problem in me is i am a FAT guy. But, there is no place for Love nowdays. Everyone needs Looks.
I just want to Die! just want to Die

I went through a suicidal phase when i was 12, no one knew i was so miserable because I maintained that “grade A student” image. Now, 3 years later, I’m back to being the happy person I used to be but the memories still haunt me.

Okay you caught me.
The little red marks on my arms weren’t from my cat. I don’t have a cat. The reason they’re there is because I knew you would notice them and maybe JUST MAYBE it would tip you off, that you’re killing me. Well it didn’t.

You need to open your eyes

you know that one song you really liked. the Japanese one with the really melodic guitar? i learned it for you. i spent hours every day, getting it perfect for the next time you visited, but three days before you visited i got my finger cut off and as i sat in the E.R. with my finger in hand my only thought was “how will i play it for her?”