Gay and In Love

I’m gay and I haven’t told my parents. I’m also in love with a girl who already has a girlfriend. She completes me…and I can’t imagine my life without her. She knows, and says she loves me too, but doesn’t want to break up with her girlfriend because it would ruin their friendship. Also, we live on opposite sides of the world. I feel so guilty but at the same time I wish she would just admit it…and come to me. I would die without her…I really would.

Worse than they know

I’m in Therepy weekly to deal with my depression. i’ve had it for 5 years now. i just got to the point where i signed my self up for therapy behind my parents back. i eventually told them about it under my shrinks advice. But the thing is i havent told anyone including my shrink about the suicidal thoughts i have cause im afraid ill get put in the mental hospital like they did to my sister a couple years ago. they let her out a couple days later but she only got put in for being melodramatic. im afraid if i tell them i get suicidal at times theyll put me in there for weeks.

It also kind of makes me sad that i was that depressed for 5 years and not one person noticed, or if they did they never cared enough to ask.

I lie to myself

I don’t believe you love me when you tell me and I don’t believe you even care about me. I think you have another girlfriend somewhere else and you are cheating on me. I think you lie to me constantly and you are a fake. It makes me cringe when I look at you because I know that you are up to NO good. However, I still wash your clothes and fix your dinner, make you feel like your number one. I lie to myself…

Alone

Need to get this off my shoulders.

I’m 19, living at home, have wonderful parents, older brother, and younger sister who i love dearly.

I am a very outgoing girl, love to have fun, always smiling, was never a loner and down to earth.

1.
My dad is cheating on my mum. I found out when he bought another woman home with her. My brother was at his gf’s my mum was on a girls weekend away, my little sister was a friends for a sleepover. I was meant to be going out for the night into town, but plans changed and ended up coming home early.
thinking no one would be home i guess he thought he would bring her home withouth anyone noticing. I’m not sure how long this has been going on for. But now that i know he has been negging me not to say anything to mum or anyone.

The thing that got me most upset was that she sat down on the couch and started talking to me. Like there was nothing wrong.

I was not sure if i had any right to tell my mum. But i thought she had a right to know. After a few months of begging dad to tell her, he didnt so i went and told her.

I sat her down and long story short as soon as i said it she got up walked out of the room with tears running down her face and said that i am not her daughter anymore.

I guess she was just upset and didnt know what to do so she blames it on me.

I have never been exremely close with my parents but i still love them no matter what.

My little sister i think is too young to understand what is going on. when parents fight i usually take her for a little drive to get an ice cream or toa friends house or something. she knows im there for her

2.
My older brother who is a year older than me, we have been the closest of sibling ayone could ever imagine. He is the onl person i feel i could turn to, we were the best of friends.

He has a gf. They have been dating for two years and have just moved into the granny falt at the end of our house together.
His gf has issues. She is a compulsive liar. And will do anything for attention. Including getting rid of me.
Not going into it but she has slowly and gradually turned my brother against me. by making up all these little stories about how i would steal money out of his wallet, sleep around with all of his mates.. just heaps of little nasty things that i would never dream of doing.

anyway, my brother now does not want to know me.

3.
I know im only young, but i have had my bad share of guy toubles. I was dating someone for 3 years. Then found out he had been cheating on me for hte last 6 months of our relationship. After taking him back a few times. The last time was the very last.

I met up with an old friend about 8 months after me and my ex had broken up. We hit it off pretty well and one thing led to another we ended up dating. he had always had a reputation for being a bit of a player. I was hesitant at the start but then learned after a week of him busting out the big “L” word, cheated on me with one of my good friends. I had my suspicions but always approached him and he said i wa just being silly and all that comes with..

4.
I hate my job. It’s pretty slack pay for the amount of work i do. But i can’t afford to study and to have a life (not to sounds selfish) as my parents do not support me in anyway. I pay $10 in board every week, pay for my own food etc. etc. I am greatful for everything they have done, they bought me up to be ther person i am today. I’m prud of myself and i thank them enourmously for that.
but i can’t seem to find a decent job, something that i like doing, or a course i am interested in that is not so expensive. It’s hard to save consierding the circumstances.

5.
I am slowly learning who my real friends are. Slowly learning that people are not who they crack up to be. though lying. sleeping with ex.bf’s, spreading rumours etc etc. the list is narrowing down and i dont know if i can say i have any ‘real’ friends. sure i have firends.. but no one who i can bust my soul out to.

6.
I moved out of home. Expecting to leave all of this behind. Just till sort my head out. but turns out the firned i was living with also was sleeping with BOTH of my Ex’s. I thought she was my best friend.

I had to move back home beacuse i had no where else to go. Its hard living in the same house as a mum who had disowned you and knowing that your dad is cheating on your mum and there is nothing you can do about it.
But i am thankful they let me come back. I still love them.

7.
A friend of mine just died of a heart attack. He was 20 years old. Not at the slightest one bit fair.
I somehow thought that this would bring people together. Make people realise to not take friends for granted. Guess i was wrong.

8. My nanna lives in NZ, i am from Australia. she is sick. And is going to die soon. I think knwoing someon is going to die and not being able to see them because of finacial difficulties and the distance, makes it alot mroe harder.

9.0
A friend of mine tried killing herself the other day.
She backed out and now expects everyone to be fine with it. She does not know how even mentining it affected anyone else. she doesnt know how many people actually care for her.
I can’t explain it any other way. she is slefish and self centred. And did it for attentnion. Not trying to be mean. but iv known her for years. And she is an attention seeker..

So i think it’s safe to say i have trust issues.
I dont know what to do anymore. And i dont have anyone to talk to..

No one knows any of this. And im not sure who i can talk to..

Yet i feel so guilty.. There are people out there who dont even have a family, no home. Nothing. I feel horrible for winging.

I don’t feel I have anyone to turn to..

I am embarrassed to take all of my kids in public with me!

I have five kids and I feel embarrassed going to the store with all of them. I am divorced and would like to start dating….but I have noticed that men do not approach women walking around with a whole bunch of kids. Now my kids are all well manner, well dressed and very nice looking….I just feel like people look at me like something, is wrong with me because I have so many kids.

Now I would never hide from a man my children, once I got to know him and felt he was worthy of meeting my kids…. and that we had the possibility of having a long term relationship.

I am a nice looking and educated woman….that just feels that men who see me with my five kids, will think that I am either an easy piece of ass or that I am desperate for a man and therefore will except anything from a man.

I am very picky and will not accept just any type of man….I just feel like men…don’t need to know how many kids I have until we truly have a connection and a future. Basically…I would get detailed about me and my life after they pass the interview and the background check.

I am curious to know if other people have ever felt this way???

SUICIDE BRUNETTE

I AM SO TIRED AND SO DEPRESSED. I CAN’T SATND ANYTHING ANYMORE. I JUST WANT TO STOP THE PAIN.I WANT TO DIE. I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE. I’M TIRED OF BEING SAD.I’LL PUT AN END TONIGHT. :(

Lonely

I never was like this but lately I’ve been feeling so insecure. I only have a handful of friends which I know love me but I am afraid to meet new people. I say I love meeting new people but it’s not true. The whole time I am getting to know them I am always worried whether they like me or not. I am too generous at times and am always worried about getting advantage of so I keep to myself in every way. I try to be very extroverted but I know it’s all fake which bothers me. I always think everyone I meet hates me until other wise assured. I dont know why I care whether someone likes me or not but I am jealous of people who have a ton of friends. When I feel sad or lonely, I tend to push my true friends away. I even moved to get a fresh new start but I am more scared and even more lonely. I want to just accept myself the way I am without changing but what I want seems impossible without pretending to be someone I am not.

waking up with wolves

I have severe trust and abandonment and jealusy issues

Ironically the only women i ever connect with and really feel anything for are women who i know will cheat, play, leave and hurt me.

em ty

I have always felt empty. i wish i could be “normal” enough for a man to love…i long to have a family of my own…i feel somehow that this will never happen. i will die old and alone…although i am still young, guys tend to use and abuse…i guess i’ll spend the rest of my days living in the art i never make, the music i’ll never write and songs i’ll never sing.

this void i’ve had for many years. the more the years go on the bigger the whole becomes. i swear i can feel the emptiness right in the pit of my stomach.

Baby

I’m 29 years old, pregnant, and terrified of having a baby!
I am scared of losing my life and identity.
I feel completely trapped and guilty for feeling this way.

Alone

I feel lonely. I’ve been hiding it from other people and let them see a new “improved” me. I am a shy and quiet person, and I want to change that image form other people. I am not much of a people person either, and I am longing for friends. I do have a boyfriend who loves me as me, but sometimes, I want too to have friends. It doesn’t matter to me if I have less than 5 people whom I can call true friends.

I envy other people with so many contacts and friends. I’m willing to change little by little. Day after day.

I want to prove to them that I can change. That I am one of the best people they’d meet. I’m happy with my boyfriend–my best friend, lover and soulmate, but there are times I am longing for a friend too. Whom i can hang around with, call in good and bad times, someone who accepts me as ME.

I’m thinking of joining a club in our town for a fresh start.

what is this

i do not even feel like finding out what the future holds for me.