• Life

    I hate the fact that I hate my mother

    My 18th birthday will be on January 8, 2023. But I’m still stuck in my 8-year-old me. I’m still stuck in my household, without a single freedom from my mom. I’m almost 18, yet I feel caged up with my mom’s feelings to protect me from the outside world when in fact, I don’t want to be a prisoner. I don’t want to be with her. I want to explore on my own. Don’t get me wrong; they’re not abusive. But too much love is bad for me. Too much protection is bad for me. I hate her with all my heart, yet I feel stuck knowing she only does this because of her past. But I still can’t help but love her, with the same amount of hate. I feel suffocated. I can’t go out with my friends at night because she’ll get mad and check the CCTV camera. I hate that I can tell her how much my boyfriend means to me because she’ll get mad and call my boyfriend and break us up. I hate how much I hate her because I know I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t hate someone I can relate to.

  • Life

    planning isnt working out

    4 years of taking care of person i love most in the world they were diagnosed 1 -2 years …..am dying myself …..so decided on against revealing illness or getting treatment
    Have used everything to keep me going to take care of her….but losing all strength ….I cant fail her and can’t tell her or it will kill her

  • Family

    my transition

    I came out to my mom as trans two weeks before i tried to take my own life.

    I told her in my suicide note that one of the reasons i wanted to do such a thing, is because she didn’t accept me.

    When I woke up five days later, her opinion magically changed.

    It breaks me knowing the only reason she accepts me, is because shes afraid i might hurt myself.

  • Family

    I want out…

    I wish I wasn’t a parent. I wish I had not given in to my wife when she insisted on having a child. I wish I had big enough balls to take the possible consequences of that. I wish I had not agreed to a second child. I wish I could walk away but I’m not a deadbeat so I won’t.

    I am very unhappy with my life.

  • Relationships

    His smile, soul, mind and heart is with somebody else 

    God, I don’t even know what I am doing. I never knew he would be the one stuck with me when I for sure know he would never look my way now. I didn’t know what love means until I wish him all the best even though it means seeing him with somebody else and without me being in the picture with him. I remember when I first saw him in elementary school, he was just a boy who means nothing to me but little did I know he would be someone that I couldn’t have but be tattooed in my heart. As time goes by starting from elementary, I notice more details about him but for some reason I hated him and his friends who were stud jerks. This one time in six grade I had the chance to sit with him in a table group……I was invisible to him, he could even talk or look at me. I didn’t took that as an offence because my feeling for him barely developed at the time. Didn’t hurt as much when I heard him talk about other girls with both my ears next to the guy he was sitting with. This and that happened and I had to move away with a guy in my heat who I have mixed feeling for. My life was an upside down struggle, I couldn’t barely keep up, new school, family drama/struggle, my father sickness and more stuff I don’t have the energy to mention. Freshman year comes along and I was starting to be in pain mentally and physically, I gained weight, no friends, stress, grade lowering and ( *there is a lot of stuff that I didn’t mention*). To put it in a word I was behind and left out. People always using my kindness as a weakness not just that I was basically becoming someone who I don’t even know, that old funny me turned into complete silence, can’t form a word. I see the people around me living their best live achieving their goals, in fit and having friends in general. While I was just the opposite. On top of all of that I start to grow more feeling to that guy when again for sure know he doesn’t even remember my name or me. I ask myself how can I grow more feeling for him when I am far away from him in distance and mind. Sophomore year, I came across his and his girlfriend on Instagram claiming how they are each other’s soulmate and gift. He is happy, in love and I know for sure if you saw what I see he would never leave or let her go mind and body, I know that look in his eyes…………………………………I wish him all the best in life (god protect him for me) and he is and will always be in my heart.

    I am fifteenth years old and their is more to life than him, so I will keep facing my journey cause life moves on pretty fast without a heads up, I just know he would always be in my heart even though I can’t have him.

  • Family

    My Mothers scent

    My Mother died ten years Ago. I’ve kept her perfume and used it when i needed to feel close to her, to cry and feel like she’s right there.

    I opened the bottle for the first time in a long, long time today.

    But now i felt like the scent is mine. That it’s My perfume to wear.

     

    I cant decide between feeling like i’m stealing it from her, Stealing One of her most prominent memories, her Signature.

    Or am i honoring her, keeping her Close with me in My daily life. Integreating My sorrow and her memory into me. Carrying her Close, charing her with others around me.

     

    I dont know, honor or betrayal?

    Will the memory of her in the scent fade if i start using it?

     

    Is it wierd to want to smell like your dead Mother?

     

    I feel so very sad and confused.

    And i miss her so much.

  • Relationships

    None

    Ill betaking my life shortly. I moved across the world for someone only for them to leave me in person. we have been together for 6 years. I thought he would propose. I have nothing left.

  • Relationships

    I’m scared my beloved doesn’t actually love me

    I am a Teenage girl and my beloved is also a teenage girl, and I confessed my feelings to her and she agreed. I absolutely adore her and would do anything to make her happy.  we never really put a specific name to anything gut she adds loving and kind honorifics to my name when referring to me.

    knowing her, she is pure and would never do anything to hurt anyone. so if she didn’t actually love me when I confessed my love to her, it is possible that she was lying in order to protect my feelings. she is usually busy and so we don’t have a lot of time to be together, I’m afraid that she doesn’t actually love me. and we weren’t really particularly close when I started catching feelings. what should I do?