when will the sun shine?
Posted by Anonymous in Alone on Jan 21st, 2011 | 5 commentsIm lost. im confused. im broken. but you’d never know it. im the optimistic friend, im the sholder to cry on, im the one they all confide in. I cannot cry nor show pain. I can no longer save everyone else. i need to be save. someone save me.
i was raped between the ages of 8-13.
i was abused by a dunken mother until child protective services took me away when i was 14.. i was forced to clean up my own blood off the floor because “i deserved it”.
i wore the same shirt everyday to middle school because clothes were not a nessisity. i was tortued. food was rare. cable? ha. i just prayed for heat, electricy and warm water.
i was kicked out of my highschool and forced into an alternitive one due to the fact that i was “a lazy disobeadent teenager.” but the real reason was because i didnt even have the strength to get out of bed, i would go days with out eating, just hoping, and praying that i would soon die. no one visited. no one called. no one cared.
no one knew my pain, until i met him. i told him everything. i loved him…for 2 years he was my everything.
only i didnt see that he was ******* 8 of my friends behind my back. he destroyed me, my best friends? how could you? i was alone.
i never opened up ever again.
but i continue to smile, and be referred to as “strong” from those around me…
but inside im dying, im cold, im alone, and im scared. i want this all to end. things will get better? when?…i cannot recall a specific time in my life when i could actually say i was happy. i havent ever been happy. and thats what scares me the most.
i’d give anything to be happy.
5 Responses to “ “when will the sun shine?”
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This kind of situation saddens me. In fact i heard a very similar story from someone at my alternative school a couple years back.
I would often just sit in the library and read and usually i would see her there. It’s pretty uncanny how resemblant your story is to hers. Perhaps you can find comfort in the fact that you don’t suffer the same pain alone.
I remember hearing her story in class, all i wanted to do was hug her and tell her that i would be her friend. Of course that thought only came after i envisioned revenge upon those who hurt her.
I suppose we all find our own way of dealing with a shitty situation. You can let it eat you alive, or you can embrace the pain and turn them into scares to harden your resolve.
**Virtual fist pound**
Remember, you’re only alone when you stop looking.
That is a lot to take in. I don’t know you but I find you admirable. Even if you can’t see it now in time you will know you are strong just for living through it. You are not alone and you can get through this.
Even if this is just some kid makin things up your words are poetic. Good luck!
May god bless you with all the love in this world darling, and happiness, prosperity, wisdom, and health!
To live this far, and with such adversity, you are made for the greater goods.
always when we are crushed and shatterd into atoms, we are being made stronger again, where none can harm, again.
u made me feel grateful of my life darling.
forget the ones that made u cry out of sufferings, forgive them, as then u’ll be seen as even better/greater person.
with all the words that i can come up to encourage u…
reach for your stars darling, your dreams.
your way too precious to waste time on such people, your destiny is greater than them!
love your self more darling.
may god be with you and guide you.
You are a survivor, you deserve happiness. More than likely, you don’t believe that you deserve it. I understand. I kept my abuse a secret until I was forty. It’s a long, difficult road but we are worth it. Begin healing, set your boundaries up high, don’t take BS from the people around you anymore. Be prepared to be lonely at times, you’ll feel despair st times but little by little, you’ll begin to feel whole.
Your sunshine is just around the corner. You have experienced a lot of hurt, and there’s no easy way out.
However, Jesus still loves you and will never disappoint you.
There are others who will be there for you; don’t isolate yourself. You’re a precious being. Some people just didn’t realize that.