Some people think I probably have a really great life and I suppose I do. I have plenty of friends and family and a husband. No children as yet but I dont believe I want them. Husband is very keen to have at least one. He knows Im not very keen and its affecting our relationship. It wasn’t discussed before marriage as I think we both believed it would happen at some point but weve been together 5 years now (2 and a half married) and it now feels the closer its getting the more I dont want to face it. I dont think I would make a good mother, it feels like a colossal burden and Im generally not a happy person. These sorts of things can have an impact on children. Ive had boughts of depression for years. Im still in love with an ex and we met up and had an affair. He wont see me anymore because he has a long term girlfriend and he feels guilty. I dont know if he feels true love for me but I know he’s only saying he doesnt want to see me because he feels guilty, not because he wishes I would go away. We still text sometimes but its always me that texts first. I feel so wrapped round his finger but cant see a way out or how to make myself happy again. It feels like I can only be happy if Im with him which I dont think is going to happen, so I feel like I will never be truly happy again.