The love of my life left me and I don’t know what to do
Posted by anon in Alone on Jul 23rd, 2010 | 18 commentsIt’s been almost 3 months since we last talked. I am getting worse insted of better. I am seriously thinking of taking my life. I was in love with him for 8 years. I watched him marry someone else and I myself married someone else. I slept with him the night I got married. He never would have me though as his girl. He was always so good and kind to me. Just didn’t want me. A year and a half ago I moved back to Texas after being gone for 2 years, we were not in contact but I had watched him and his life via facebook and myspace without his knowledge. It killed me.
He emailed me out of the blue and said he was getting divorced, I wanted him so much. I ran to him. I was still married and it was a nightmare. I was trapped financially with no support. He was my rock. We made love the first time I had seen him in 2 years and He told me he loved me. I felt alive for the first time ever. Things were ok but he didn’t want to move forward with our relationship.
Last winter I became pregnant. He told me he wanted me to abort, as neither of us were in a situation to have a baby. I knew he was right but I wanted his baby. I aborted because I dind’t want him to think I was a shrew of a woman who was trying to trap him. It broke my heart but I had him and he promised to always be in my life.
3 months ago he moved in a new roomate and decided I was not welcome anymore. He left me with no explination and hasnt talked to me since. Our baby would be due now. I left my husband last spring and thought things were going to be so wonderful.
Now im 34, alone with nothing and the person I love more than anything in this would has betrayed me like I never thought.
I want to end my life.
18 Responses to “ “The love of my life left me and I don’t know what to do”
Leave a Reply
Subscribe
I’d say it’s a big fat scoop of Karma. He betrayed you?! You betrayed your husband – on the night of your marriage no less.
I’d say all is right with the world.
I agree, you got 100% what you deserved. And you were stupid enough to abort a baby you didn’t want too…for what? A man, a man who showed you time and time again….HE DIDN’T WANT YOU for anything more than BOOTY CALL! Shame on you.
Oh wait, am I suppose to handle your fragile spirit and ego with kid gloves because you want to kill yourself? Forget it. You are weak if you want to commit suicide over a man. A man, who again DOES NOT WANT YOU and showed you that time and time again.
You need to cough up a backbone, pick yourself up, I know it’s hard and move on!
Get therapy. Find a man who actually WANTS you.
I have to agree to a certain extent to the first replier. But you can’t really control ur feelings..but you could control what you do. It does seem like a big bad case of karma. get over him. ur too old to be dealing with stupid stuff like that. go back to the man u actually wanted you and have kids.
I feel your pain. While I don’t condone the cheating, I do understand how you feel. I have been in love with a man who broke my heart 10 years ago. He will disapear for a few years and then call or email me out of the blue. I can always tell he is hoping to hook up but we are both married and I won’t go there. I just hate (yet at the same
time love) how he always finds out how to get in touch with me and then says things to keep me loving him. I guess it is his way of keeping himself front and center in my mind. He was always super manipulative. I know it is all BS, but he has always had that effect on me. It sucks. I wish I could say it gets easier and that you will find love again, but I don’t know how much of that it is true. I married another man 3 years ago and I love him but it’s not the same. I would never cheat on him, but I know that I do not love him as much as the other man. It sucks that we allow these assholes to control us so much but after 10 years of therapy I don’t know how to get over him. I wish you luck and I hope you find happiness. Don’t kill yourself over him, you’ll only wind up causing horrible pain to those who love you. It’s got to get better. You may always love him, but I think the depression will get better. Go to therapy, it hasn’t made me love him any less, but I no longer feel like dying, and for a few years there I wanted to. And I don’t think it is karma, everyone makes mistakes, people just tend to judge some sins more harshly.
PS I live in TX too, maybe the guys here are just really crappy :)
well just take time relax dont do another mistake just try ur hardest to move on if he comes back just know he’s not worth it to try again he made u abort u gave up on a lil baby just for him and what he do ran from the situation he wasnt a man yet so just try opening ur self to choices do somthing that will make u feel better for example work out or go dancing anything that will get him of your mind but do healthy choices p.s yoshi wish u the greates luck and to everyone who came out with such negativity (SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS IN LOVE HELLO ) wouldnt u have done the same thing …. no one cn judge we all make mistakes but the bigger mistake is to not learn from it
I didn’t expect nor want anyone to baby me at all. I realize people think this is a horrible thing. I cannot tell anyone but my two closest friends my situation. My marriage was one of convience for him and I both. We knew each other 3 months, got married he moved me to his homeland and was very abusive and controling. We werent even intimate the last 4 years of the marriage. I was simply looking for a way to escape but with no support or resouces It took me a while to be able to make my escap. The other man at the very least gace me the hope and strength I needed to get away from the abuse and on my own.
Hey:
Forgive yourself and get into therapy so that you are able to heal and move forward.
I love that you ‘added’ he was abusive and controlling after getting called out for your actions. Do you think we will justify your cheating because he abused you?
Why does every woman on here who is complaining about their husbands crap when called on it, claim abuse? It’s getting really old and you all need to come up with a better reason for your actions.
Lisa-
do you just like to get on here and call people out on their shit??? People are confessing their secrets, you don’t have to be such a bitch! You try being in an abusive relationship and see how you deal with it. Don’t judge until you have walked a mile in another person’s shoes.
I have been in a abusive relationship and it was terrible. But the people who treated me like a baby didn’t help me what so ever. I think a LOT of women are lying about the abuse to make us feel sorry for them or justify their actions. Why? Because they don’t bother mentioning it in the first post, ALWAYS after. If they are truly being abused it would be in their first post, because I know first hand what a terrible thing it is.
Sorry if you don’t like my replies, this is an open forum and I am entitled to my opinions as much as you are. Just because you don’t like them, doesn’t mean I need to stop! People come on here opening themselves up to all sorts of responses good, bad and ugly.
If they don’t want to read it, they can skip over it and so can you.
At least I have the backbone to post my name, annon!
I somehow know how you feel..i mean allmost everybody who loved(or thought that he loved)can understand you..but t guys we fall in love with(with manipulative character)know exactly what they doin,they know which words you wanna hear etc. but thats enough you dont have do be physicaly or mentaly addicted. t worst you can do is 2 think bout t great wonderful time you had with him..you betta start thinkin bout t awful painful times you had with him
My advice: Youll find someone else..( im a positiv thinkin person)forget bout that a**h*** n youll have a great life
dont be miserable BE AWESOME
I understand where lisa is comming from. I used to be the same way when I was young and still had never had turmoil or a struggle in my life. I only added that bit cause people were suggesting I go back to the person I married. I am sure a lot of women use being abused as a reason for things they do they are not proud of. It will make you do things you never thought you would.
Like I said I really don’t care if people judge or want to hate me. I just wanted to get it out because I really have no one to talk too about it. Nothing a stranger on the internet could say could make me feel worse than I already do.
Also I DID mention it at first, I stated I was trapped in a nightmare marriage with no support to get out. I just didn’t go into gory details and never will more than I already have.
Wow, posting the name “lisa” is so brave. Funny how you call people out for not admiting things at first then do it yourself. I don’t think you’re a woman or even named lisa.
Also again, if you could read I mentioned it in my first post. This post was about my saddness for a lost love, not abuse or excuses for why.
Watch out, Lisa is going to get mad… Well said Post Maker.
You don’t think Im a woman because I am not saying all the crap you want to hear. But rest assured I am a woman! And a wife and mother.
I don’t know how to teach people good judgment, to tell those who might hurt them from those who won’t. All i can say is we all get hurt in life. Some of us have great parents as role models, some have terrible parents as role models.
At some point, you have to take control and responsibility for your situation. Do not get into another relationship before you’ve been in therapy for a year or two. You need to learn how to make sure you’re with someone who is right for you, but first you need to deal with your own problems or your future relationships will be a real challenge.
I can’t believe nobody urged her to get counseling and if she was serious about feeling like ending her life, call a crisis hot line. We have a Crisis Center in our county open 24/7 with a Doctor, they can really help in a crisis situation.