Something wrong with my mind

Posted by in Alone on May 29th, 2011 | 2 comments

I constantly have feelings of hurting myself. Not wanting to kill myself, but wanting to cut myself or purge so many times I become dehydrated and sick. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, bulimia and borderline personality disorder.

I only have 9 credits left to get my bachelors degree. The problem is that I am medically suspended from the University until they determine I’m stable and able to complete my classes. I have NEVER been a danger to other people, just myself. I feel so much pressure to be OK, but it is just causing more stress.

I was just forced to change my doctor and therapist in the last month and feel like I have no where to turn. I want to be normal, but it feels like nothing will get better. People just think that bipolar people are crazy, but I’m an incredibility bright, creative and very logical person in the in between times when things are OK. I just want to be that normal person again.

2 Responses to “ “Something wrong with my mind”

  1. cx says:
    July 7, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    Take your time. It’s not about other people, it’s about you being okay. School isn’t going anywhere, so take care of yourself first. Find a therapist you actually like, can grow to trust, and want to talk to. You’re worth taking care of.

    Reply
  2. Star says:
    August 3, 2011 at 10:40 am

    I don’t know if you’ll see this because you wrote two months ago but it is uncanny how similar our situations are. I’ved had eating disorders since I was 12, was diagnosed with bipolar 2 months ago and am unable to finish my final year at university until my doctor signs to say I’m stable.
    I just think you have to take each day as it comes. Some days I feel fine and other days I just want to jump off of my roof, but I’m on a lot of medication now which means I’m less suicidal but have gained so much weight I’m having issues with eating again. Sometimes it does feels as if things will never get better, but you’re not alone. Thanks for posting your secret- I’ve been too scared to post mine but it’s comforting to see I’m not alone.
    Also, I’d seriously advise getting a therapist you can really talk to , who you feel understands you. My therapist has been amazing
    Xoxo

    Reply

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