prisoner to my own family
Posted by JaMarie in Alone on Aug 17th, 2011 | 13 commentsFor the past three years I have been friendless, and for the most part confined to my home. Although we’ve moved three times the routine is always the same. These walls of my house feel like my cell. I have no freedom. It takes me back to being a teenager, when I was grounded to my room weeks on end, and the emotional wounds produced from the social isolation are alarmingly familiar. Here I am, married with two small kids, I stay at home. We are limited by one car, my husband works an hr away so I can’t just drive him to work and have the car for the day- gas costs too much, and most the time he works 8:30am-9:30pm. I feel completely socially isolated in this new city. Just me and the kids again today, its always the same routine. I’m bored with my life! I miss my old life of excitement and being spontanious and feeling sexy and fun! I miss being happy. Im 26 I shouldn’t feel this way! I feel my internal light dimming every day. My family is poor, we can’t afford to go DO ANYTHING entertaining, My husband works 6 days a wk so that doesn’t allow for much family time anyway. We can’t even afford a babysitter for a date night. Hell, we don’t even know a babysitter anyway. All I can ever think about is, How can i fake my own death so I can sneak off and do whatever the heck I wanna do? But in reality that would break three ppl’s hearts and I can’t live with that. This is hopeless. I know I should be thankful for what I have But I can’t find those feelings. If there are so many wives/mothers that are lonely like this ( i’ve read other postings online)Why do I still feel all alone? I honestly don’t know if I can take another day like this.
13 Responses to “ “prisoner to my own family”
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What about a mom’s or a play group so you can meet people and your kids will stay entertained?? Maybe contact your school district for info
I feel for you. I wish I was a neighbor so that I could greet you as I come and go, and keep you company. Hang in there. It’s not always going to be this way
Hello there. I certainly hope that you try to get therapy for yourself. It seems as if you are depressed and agoraphobic (fear of being outside). When you feel better, you will likely be able to make use of your immediate environment better. You can use the library, parks and free open spaces when you are feeling better. Maybe you can make some new friends too in your neighborhood which will help to end your loneliness. Talk to your husband about finding a job with fewer hours so that you two can do things together. Reach out to your family if you can. Send postcards and emails. Take care of yourself now. Hope that things improve for you soon.
i feel exactly the same im only 23 with a 3 yr old, partner 24 working 6days with one car aswell, i do not work yet as day care is over priced and no babysitters, Plus people not willing to hire, we live weekly from what we have and usually have nothing left over,I have not yet received any advice with having a hard mother(who toughed it out with 3 telling me to get over it) and im afraid the only thing I can say to you is, keep your sanity for your sake and your kids, i know its hard to wake up and go to bed knowing its going to be the exact same, but it works out better if u try to be positive, i know its hard i battle everyday, just to smile and not cry,i feel like a prisoner, i literally have no friends being a young mum, but in the end im a mother it was my choice and i will do what i can for my baby, I know my happiness will come from her well being and I will live the rest of my life knowing I did the best I could with what I had, I wish u the best of luck though.
p.s research money free activities online
What about a mom’s group or a play group so your kids will stay entertained?Your school district should have some information on groups in your area
this is what life is for millions of people so you arent alone. its not easy to find “happy” but you must try. the kids are the light of the world and your world too….embrace that.teach them, teach them, and teach them some more. find a park…get some sunshine and exercise.I hope this helps.
Hey, you mentioned “city.” Do you live near others? Have neighbors? Live near a bus line? Can you go for walks? Are there parks nearby? A library with a story hour for children?
Staying inside all day can perpetuate feelings of depression!
Also, is there a way you can tell your husband about the difficulty you are experiencing? Maybe he can be supportive in helping you set goals for connecting with other people and things to do.
I felt this way A LOT then my kids started preschool/kindergarten and it made a HUGE difference for me. Maybe when you meet some of the other moms your attitude may change. Maybe not, but seriously give it some time. I promise it will get better!
It is awful that you’re losing your identity. I understand bc I am in the exact same boat, except I only have one kid. I hate it all too. I understand the social isolation. Not having an identity any longer and being defined by your role of “mom,” hits on so many levels. What is not to be depressed about? Too bad we didn’t live closer because you’d have a friend in me who understands.
I can relate because i basically live off my investments and im totally isolated because i have aspergers. I play call of duty and i exercise and yes i drink occasionally. But what keeps me going is having a goal.
This is probably why there was a womans liberation movement. But ok so your dependent on him and life is boring. You can try to get a part time job working from home online as i did once as an insurance auditor for 15 an hour. But the best thing you can do is try to be the best damn mom you can be and get your body in shape so you feel sexy again. Exercise is free and you will find that looking your best might open some doors for you.
I was a stay at home mom, and still am. Now I have a business which I operate from my home (home childcare) and I support myself and my two children, now teens, with zero assistance. When I was married however, life was prison, in that not only were we very traditional but I was expected to do and listen to him always. Confinement just became part of the norm. Now I am living a normal life, with fun and friends and a decent job which means I am still here as an emotional support to my kids as well. When they were small and even today, I felt such pressure to live up to expectations and prove myself as a good mother and wife. Though I was confined in the life I selected (and am grateful to be free of it now) there were definite positives to my situation. Your time is something the kids will always remember and you being there for them is fortunate for you and them. I watch children dropped off in my home and for some that separation is very very hard, and I always think, wow. I’m glad I got to be home with my kids! But I recall very well the feeling of worthlessness from being ‘just’ a stay at home mom, and the sensation of being trapped because there was never any money and when there was it was dictated by my husband. Try to hold onto things that define you as separate of the family… For me, that was journalling, poetry, music, philosophy,etc… but then that was before libraries were so family friendly and there were no early years centers for smallees and their parents. Take a class in something you like or grab an hour at the gym, or call a friend. Sometimes it’s just having someone say ‘hi!’ that lightens the day. Unless you’ve done it, no one knows the series of complexities that arise maintaining the household, preparing the meals, budgeting the life, and raising productive independent thinkers for the future. So, GOOD WORK!!
No offense to this woman but all unmarried without children learn from this. If you want to be a stay at home mom only marry men who either have money or due to their education or skills have strong earning potential!!!
If you marry a man without money or essential skills this will be your life!
This would solve about half of this lady’s problems
Hi, Just want to send you a hug and to tell you that I understand. I feel the exact same way.