naturally selected
Posted by Anonymous in Alone on Mar 16th, 2010 | 13 commentsMy embarrassing confession: I am a 30 year old man. I haven’t had sex in 10 years. The last time was with my last relationship which was really just my first girlfriend that lasted from ages 17-20. I feel pathetic on a daily basis when it comes to the opposite sex. I am social, have some friends that are beautiful single women, have a successful career, a fun lifestyle, and have even been described as a funny and a talented artist. I have had a handful of dates over the last ten years and have even “fooled around” with a couple women. But nothing that lasted more than 3 days. As long as I can remember being interested in girls I have been consistently rejected. I feel cursed. I’v even made-up a handful of stories about having sex just so I am not ostracized too much by my male peers as weird and not judged too much by the opposite sex as inadequate or undesirable. It’s all judgement. All the time.
I am sick of hearing all the tired cliches about love and the surprises it brings. I feel a resentment for society growing in me daily and it makes me even more depressed. I don’t play the “game” and I flirt horribly, and even when I do it feels forced and disingenuous. I have been to therapy and they said that I just have existential depression and topped treatment after 3 sessions as if it is something that is untreatable. They say I’m depressed because I think too much about the world around me. I keep all this to myself because I don’t want anyone to judge me for having low self-esteem. I am chubby so I already get the assumption of that from people.
I see other couples and they treat eachother with such disregard and convenience for they’re own selfish needs and vain void filling. I fear that I would fall into the same trap. I have thought about committing suicide but I am in no way religious, don’t want to hurt my family/friends, and I am way too curious about the future. But waking up every day with no one to relate to romantically is uninspiring and mentally exhausting.
There are plenty of fish in the sea but every day I feel more like an rare, weird-looking, chubby, extinct specie of fish.. naturally selected to die out.
It does feel good to vent the human condition though.
13 Responses to “ “naturally selected”
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Hey don’t worry, you’re not alone. Im 27 and still a virgin.. But i accept it as it is, im just patient and im sure that one day things that are meant to happen will happen!
i always did wonder why a guy like you still, surrounded with all those women, still feels unloved.
maybe you’re not looking hard enough. there’s probably a girl out there who’s maybe shy, but wants to meet you.
are your standards that high to find the girl of your dreams?
I feel for you man. I’m 38 and feel almost the same way. Its been almost 6 years for me. My first time was at age 25 with a woman I spend over 10 years with. Pretty much my first girlfriend. I also fooled arround with a few others prior to that but none since. Needless to say, she was not a virgin and eventually strayed. For all of the stereotypical reasons. The fact that I became unofficial father to her children and remain so today is the only reward I got. It is truly fullfilling and I believe those kids were my calling in life, but my loneliness remains. I thought I was good for almost 2 years involving myself with hobbies, video games, etc. but not anymore. Like you, I look arround and the resentment for society builds. The feeling is hard to shake and has gotten particuliarly worse lately for reasons I won’t get into. Internet dating? Cybersex? Not interrested. Mail order brides from Russia or the Philippines?. Not enough money. I am thinking of going to a church group for singles because that may be the only place left where one might actually connect with someone on some kind of emotional level rather than a purely selfish physical one. Good luck to you.
This is terrifyingly like my life story – had a relationship between 17 and 20, nothing after that for 8 years. Like you, I’m a chubby artist and have been described as “funny” (Not sure why I put that in inverted commas – I *am* funny). Had lots of “big brother” relationships (you know what I mean – I see you as a brother/friend/whatever). Like you, I became increasingly depressed, angry and isolated.
Anyway, I eventually realised that I was living in the wrong town. My home town was small, insular, lots of cliques. I eventually moved to a city where there was a higher ratio of women to men, and within a year I was in a relationship. I know this sounds glib, but making new friends, getting away from the old scene, getting more social and (let’s be honest) losing the weight really helped.
It’s a long, hard road man. I absolutely get where you’re coming from. But stay funny, stay cool, broaden your horizons, and what you’re looking for will come your way. Trust me – I’m anonymous.
Seriously, i have been in same exact situation like you. 29 in good shape and never actually managed to win the hearts(or anything else) of a damsel. Being foreign here and having no friends or family added fuel to the frustration !! Anyhow, i got myself into a arranged marraige and have been happy since ever.
But of course i can understand that is alien to this culture, so perhaps you should try internet dating sites like match.com or chemistry or eharmony !! Good luck to you !!
It sounds like you are really nice guys. I am married now, but believe me I wouldn’t I would ask you e mail.
You are perfect, just that you don’t want to see,
What are you expecting from women? Sometimes guys expect more then they are willing to give. Women are less shallow then men. If your fat so what? are you needy? do you come off desperate? shallow? self defacing?
First fix yourself, see the best in you, stop expecting things from women, if they like you fine if not forget em. Work on your personality, that will get you more from women then anything else. Stop fighting society, if you want a normal women then you have to have some tolerance for normality. Other wise you will be considered a freak.
Hello I am a woman I wanted to thank the original poster. Looked up existential depression and I think I might be experincing symptoms. I have been starving for a reciprocal relationship with ANYONE all my life. People take, and take, and take, and take but do not think to give back. It is draining. People suck!
To Original Poster and April 11th lady…I’m right there with you on the “existential” stuff. I’m 44 yr old male and have had the nagging “Why are we even here?” question for many years. To answer the Original Post, I would encourage you to be totally honest and straightforward. It’s awesome bc…,if nothing really matters anyway, why put on some charade or act this way or that way. So much more refreshing just to be honest. So in meeting a woman, just say I am who I am, I am honest, I’m not going to lie to you, I’m not going to jerk you around…no games. You are at an age now that yo0u will find plenty of women—sad to say, but true—who have been screwed over big time and will welcome truth and honesty. And, if they don’t, COOL bc you don’t want to get involved with some shallow people-pleasing lying type of a person anyway. Maybe you do need to go where the numbers of available women are in your favor. One last thing. Just be you . Feelinf “Completed” by another person is disaster for both parties. Hang in there.
im right there with you dude… im also in this dating game and can’t play it well. i’m a professional and have a good paying job and my dates would always end up to be friendly dates. it’s been a while too since i had sex.. it was with my x girlfriend.. and my weekends just sucks cuz all my friends are married and i am left alone. plus it’s really hard to find and wait for the right partner. at my age right now it seems like all the right ones are already taken…
hey say I’m depressed because I think too much about the world around me.
Who ever told you that is a quack. I have depression. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain, not “thinking to much about the world around me.” See if you can find friends who know you very very well to set you up with people. My best friend set me up with my current boyfriend and we have been together for 2 years. Also all men lie about their sexual conquests thanks to society and its wrong image of how men should be. My boyfriend was technically a virgin before he met me and he was 33 when he met me. I say technically becasue he tried to have sex with this one girl but she made him use a condom that extended the erection and kept the male from climaxing which made his ****** go numb killing the erection before he could even get any. There is a woman out there for you. Do what I did. I went 5 years without sex or a relationship. My mom told me to stop trying so hard and let things happen. The day after I told myself I was going to stop worrying about it, my best friend told me to talk to her co-worker via myspace. We did and we clicked. We Clicked very well. Please don’t count yourself out just yet. :) Also I find porn and some toys for masturbation help during the wait. ;) I know of a site where you can get some really great toys while you wait.
That website is really good. :) My boyfriend and I have found toys for both of us and for masturbation. :)
http://www.jlist.com/ bleh.. That link. lol