I’m lonely

I already tried writing a confession, it took me around 45 minutes, i opened up my full heart and yet i deleted it. The last words were – “Ignore this, you still cannot help me”. 10 minutes passed and i couldn’t hold it. I wont share all of that again, it is too much pain to go through again. I just really want to say that i am lonely. That will be all. I just can’t find a true friend, and if i do, they leave me. All i do is meet bad people, so i decided not to look for Him anymore. That is all. I just realised that i do need to know that atleast someone, maybe, will know atleast a little bit of my suffering, nothing close to the confession i wrote for 45 minutes, but atleast something.

9 thoughts on “I’m lonely

  1. It’s weird.. We’re just small creatures on this small dying planet in space.. I wish I could do something to make everyone feel good.. Life is so short and so many of us are broken. I really wish I could do something.

  2. It happens. But it’s okay. So many out there are like you. All of us are lost. It’s okay to let out what you feel. Someone will definitely understand.

  3. It is really hard for me to explain this but volunteering is not for me.
    I guess it has to do with tje fact that many people i know volunteer, but i despise these people cause i know them personally and i know that when in public they are nice and caring and fun and charming… in truth they are bad people, jealous, not caring about each other, no true feelings or emotions, and….
    There is a twist though, they volunteer to concerts and shows and ect. Su i suppose i could go volunteering to places like care homes and similar but i am too week for that emotionally.
    Aswell, i hate the idea of meetup cause as i said in the confession, i don’t sant to meet any new people cause when i meet them they ussually dissapoint me and make me sad.
    And i really doubt there would be therapies for just lonely teenager.
    But thanks for caring i hope your days are better.

    1. Feelings of loneliness are often a sign for something more. I have started getting therapy after I overdosed, and I can definitely say that it works for some people but not for others. If you live in Britain, CAMHS is really great for this sort of thing, if you’re under 18 still. I’m sure there are other services like that in other countries, but I have no first hand experience in them.
      You are not alone.
      I care about you now. I hope you can find happiness eventually.
      Keep on going, please.

  4. I see you! You are not alone!
    Can I suggest something? Why don’t you try a new hobby, yoga, painting, take classes of something you like. With just one goal: to do something different and have some fun distraction for one hour. Go with no expectations of finding new friends. Do it just for you, you may be surprised with the outcome :)
    Changing our focus to something different just for a while, sometimes it does wonderful things to us.
    Thinking about you now! Share more of your story with us!

    1. Hobbies are another pain for me. What you wrote was exactly what i did many times throughout the years. And i came to sad truth : i understood that everyone of us are skilled in many arts yet to fully achieve something in them we have to invest our time, i always wanted to be a good painter, i feel like i have a quite vivid imagination, at least that is how it seems for me. I always dreamed of sharing those things in my mind, with the outside world, yet i always sucked at painting and i still do, i tried taking some classes, but everyone, including me, agreed that i was murdering art. Thank god we have laughter, this way i can mask the pain away, turning this into a joke, into a part of me, yet the pain is there. I also dreamed of being a comedian, what could be greater then bringing happynes and laughter to others. Now that is a true gift. Yet i don’t have a quick wit like Robbin Williams or Lee Mack, i am not good with dry humour or black humour, overall the only funny joke i have created is my life choices.
      I love music, like all of us, and some say i was gifted for it. From a young age i was attending all kinds of musical lessons or schools, but not the serious ones. When i started going to school i was also accepted to the most prestigious boys choir in our country. It’s strange to say this now, it doesen’t feel very amazing, probably because over the eight years that i was going there for 6 days a week i didn’t really have any friends, like maybe 5 max, with whom i would rarely talk outside the choir repetitions. And after finishing the first part of school, i realised that i haven’t learned much about music, i wasn’t a very good singer by their standarts, and i probably learned the worst instrument that i could have chosen – a freaking recorder. Nowadays there are times when idream that for those 8 yr i woudve learned any other instrument, or that i wkudve learned music theory oe atleast that i wouldve been more social, cause now i have changed schools ( not the musical, the education ) it is all new people and new places, and most of them dissapointed me, this year i faced the real world, the real youth, real challenges, and as everything was crumbling around me the only remaining thing from the past to me was the choir.
      You need to know this information, when you join the choir first 4 yr you are in a small choir of the same age kids.
      From 5 to 8 yr you join the main choir which is way bigger and includes the retirement choir as we call them.
      Cause after you graduate the school after 8 yr you automatically join the retirement choir for the rest of your life but you no longer pay for education and you are not forced to go there, it is like volunteering. Guess what i did, obiouvsly being the stupid guy i was i didn’t go there, and so the last thing conecting me with the njce past i knew was gone. And so, i searched for hobbies yet didin’t find anything intruiging me, things i dreamed about from a young age like painting, comedy, i was not good at, and for example dancing or sports – i turned them down for the choir and yet in the end i waisted my time in the choir and now it’s too late for sports or dancing. So there is that. A little bit more story, like you asked.

      1. And also thanks for caring, though i would suggest just going on abandoning my situtaion cause as i said nothing can really help. Hope everything is better for you good luck

  5. Dear Friend,
    You are certainly not alone. Millions of people feel lonely at times, some longer than others. It’s part of the human condition. Why not try volunteering so that you can feel more useful and help someone even more worse off than yourself? It would likely help you also to indulge your interests and meet like minded people. There are meet-ups now in almost major city or area. One last thing, please allow yourself therapy so that you can discover what works for you. Take care now and I hope that this helps.

    1. Apparently i somehow missed the reply button and just left a comment instead of replying to you, probably because its 2 am and i still cant fall asleep either way, i wish you better and sugges forgeting my confession as no one van really help me.

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