I’m bi

I recently came to terms with my sexuality. I’m bi, but I can’t tell anyone close to me because all of my family and friends are pretty uptight conservative homophobes. I don’t want to lose my relationships with any of them, especially my parents, but I don’t think any of them would ever love me again if I came out

3 thoughts on “I’m bi

  1. Dear Friend,

    It sounds as if it is important that you let people close to you know of your sexuality. If you fear losing their love and support, why is it important to tell them this? Do they really need to know or would you feel more comfortable seeing if they would accept you as you are? Were I in your shoes, I would enter counseling for a while in order to sort things through. Then when you decide which course to take and brace yourself for possible rejection, then you may choose to proceed accordingly. There are a lot of good therapists who are able and willing to assist you but you must initiate contact. Take care now and let us know how you’re doing.

  2. I understand completely. In a similar situation – family would never be the same. I’m hoping to come out to a female friend – just to say it to someone.

  3. First of all, I am so proud of you for coming to terms with your sexuality. It is a brave thing to do and something that takes a lot of strength to do in an environment where you know you aren’t supported. Second of all, consider your safety before all else. Only come out when you are sure that you are safe and that you are ready. Whether this means coming out when you are able to move out or twenty years after you move out is up to you. It is YOUR sexuality and YOUR decision. Do not feel pressured to come out. That being said, it is obviously preferable to come out at some point as opposed to staying closeted your entire life. You sound like you want to come out in the future and I definitely encourage you to when you feel ready. In your case it would first be preferable to move out before disclosing your sexuality. Until then, you need to decide if you want to take a chance and come out to some of your friends, go to a therapist where you could potentially talk about things as a way to vent, or whether you just want to power through it. I think that it is definitely helpful to go online and explore the LGBT communities on youtube, tumblr, and other social media sites. There is also a really lovely, helpful forum called “Empty Closets” that may be help to you. If you cannot surround yourself with loving, supportive people in real life, why not make the effort to do so online so that you have an outlet to talk and to vent and to find people who understand what you are going through and who accept you for being you? As for your friends and family, every situation is different and since I am not familiar with your family or friends I cannot tell you how to approach them about this. There is the option of not coming out to them at all, but if you want to keep them in your life it is likely necessary for you to, at some point, share this information about yourself. All I can say is that the people that are worth keeping in your life are not going to let this one tiny fact about you skew their entire view of who you are. It is undoubtedly going to shock your parents, but unless they are extremely, extremely, anti-gay I doubt they would cut you out of their lives entirely. That being said, I do not know your situation, so you need to be the judge of this. If you really believe they are not going to talk to you or are going to cut you out of their lives if you tell them, you are going to have to make a choice between being yourself and living a happy, fulfilling life as an out person, or living a life centered around other (your family namely) people who do not necessarily know what is best for you. If you truly want both in your life then let them know that. Don’t give up. Your parents and friends sound like they are going to need a lot of time and space to come to terms with your sexuality, but it is likely you needed that time and space as well as you came to terms with your sexuality. Let them get used to the idea of you being bi and don’t give up hope of them accepting you if it really means a lot to you. You are strong and amazing and you deserve to live among loving, accepting individuals, even if it takes these individuals time to accept you.

    Whether you ever come out to your parents and friends or not, I wish you luck. You’ve got this!

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