I want to be me again.
Posted by Sick of Life in Alone on Oct 13th, 2009 | 10 commentsI hate me life. I dont know what I want to be and I hate the fact that Im not in college yet because I have a son with autism. I hate the fact that my husband isnt supportive of me and I hate the fact that he’s cheated on me with his best friends gf. I hate the fact that when hes stressed i encourage him to smoke weed. I hate the fact that we always budget in a bag of weed and beer for him while I get nothing. I hate the fact that Im 25 and in love with my husband and I’s best friend. I hate the fact that Im trying to lose weight for my husband and myself and I still wish someone would kidnap me. I often fantasize about someone cloraforming me where I walk and carving Isnt she pretty on my stomach.Or carving beautiful into my forehead. I think about this all the time. I also think about something happening to me so I can see if he actually cares. Dont get me wrong I love my husband and my kids im just sick of having to be happy all the time and being everyone’s support system. I want to be selfish. I want to have the life I dreamed of for me when I was little and I want the bitch he cheated on me with to DIE! I want to stop being suspicious and sick to my stomach and I want to feel like me again not some depressed bitch. I want to cry rivers and drowned her in them. No one knows how depressed I really am and Im tired of hiding it, my husband thinks depression in an act to get attention. But Im really sad and for alot of good reasons. I sometimes fantasize about killing myself because it sounds great. If I werent here he would get to finally see what its like to be me. Going to all the therapies Dr’s appts and the day to day struggle of making ends meet with one income. I want to be happy again.
10 Responses to “ “I want to be me again.”
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You are in a seriously dysfunctional marriage. GET HELP!!!!
I’m sorry you have so much on your plate. I cannot say I understand but I can say that I feel sorry that you are experiencing so much and it is weighing so heavily on you. Try and hang in there. I will pray for you.
I understand you love your husband but I bet there is someone out there who could love you and your son more. Ive been cheated on and I forgave but realized that just made me a doormat for whatever he wanted to do. Smoking weed over time depresses a person, my advice is to stop that and drinking at once. You cant be physically addicted to weed so that wont be hard. I dont know if you are an alcoholic because you werent specific on how much you drink but hopefully you can give that up. Both will save you money and help you feel better knowing you bettered your life as well as your family’s. If your husband says your seeking attention perhaps you are because hes not giving it to you. Everyone deserves to be loved and even though u dont feel it… you are by God. As well as your son. Now many Christians believe divorce is wrong perhaps they are right… but I think if you pray and try and your marriage doesnt get better, God is telling you that your husband is not worth it. I don’t want you to e angry with me for knocking him I know how it feels to have the one I love be verbally bashed but is this how you want to live your life?
Start flirting around. You won’t know how beautiful you are if you don’t try getting other guys attention…start with his bestfriend so you could return the favor. :))
I was once so depressed because I was on same situation with you..worst I have 3 children. Now Im very happy. I am young, beautiful and could turn anybody’s head my way.
Cheers!
My advise is different. Leave out of the situation ’till you figure out what to do. If you have parents or siblings who you can stay for a while and help you with your kid, do it. You need sometime to think to figure out what you want out of your life and your marriage. Your husband shoudn’t be playing games on you. You deserved to be loved. You’re right, the reason you have all these feelings is you feel rejection and no love. Just get out and think…before it’s too late.
As much as I hate to say this, I think you would be better off without your husband.
The first step is to stop all the hating. Sure you’re emotionally tied to an *******, but YOU are responsible for how you react to a situation. Come to grips with THAT FACT and then you can start to change your outlook.
trust me on this….u ARe a doormat now that u let him come back after he cheated,he’s just gonna do it again and again..if not with the same girl,then with someone else..i’ve been there and it’s never gonna change.so,this is what u do..
1)think of all the negative things about him and you’ll start to realize what an ******* he is to u..
2)$ave $ave $ave money,that way u don’t have to go live with your parents,u can make it on your own.
3)keep losing weight and think positive things about yourself and what u CAN have when u do lose it or even if u don’t lose it,have confidence.Think of what u want and keep playing that in your head and you’ll find happiness…when u give up on it and don’t follow through and change it is when it all never changes and u stay the way u are…depressed and feeling suicidal..lose weight,save money so when u do,u can flaunt it in ur EX husbands face and get any guy u want…don’t kill yourself.you would leave your son and it’s just selfish..u don’t want him to grow up being raised by him,he’ll end up the same way.follow what i said and TRUST ME…it’ll work…maybe the best friend u have will end up loving u in return…
It is awful that he cheated on you, but you having feelings for your/his best friend is hardly fair on the relationship. Your partner cheating on you is clearly never your fault, but it might be worth looking at if you already had feelings for your best friend before your husband cheated, and maybe because of this you were emotionally unavailable to him. It’s been proven that if men don’t get the reassurance they need at home, they’ll try to find it elsewhere.
Everyday that you stay with him you kill a little bit more of your self.
Please don’t hurt yourself anymore, You deserve to be happy. Leaving him does not mean you do not love him, it means you love your self more.