I realize, now, I am not good-looking.

I am 50. Male.

I have never, ever, had a woman spontaneously start a conversation to ‘flirt’. No conversations except transactional ‘business’-type ones.

Only recently have I learned that sometimes women ‘make the first move’ and approach men. Even when I was younger, I would always be the one to initiate any flirtation.

Apparently, I am not now, nor was I ever, ‘attractive’.

9 thoughts on “I realize, now, I am not good-looking.

  1. Attractiveness is subjective to the viewer. Who said you are not attractive and don’t you know, women don’t really look at looks. Women will look at looks if they just want to have sex with a man but a man with money, in control of his life. That’s sexy. Chin up, you will find someone.

  2. Beauty is not on the outside, it is within. My husband is 7 years older than you, and I pursued him. . . He has his head together (for the most part), serves God, is a wonderful father, a very intellgent man (with limited formal education and funds) but a good, God fearing man. I was a pretty good looking woman . . . now, a fat older woman – lolol.

    I was not looking for beauty and neither was he. The most attractive organ of the human body is the brain (and the heart). Flirtation is loads of fun, but not neccessarily about sex appeal – I LOVE smart men. . . You have to connect through the brain for a long lasting real relationship. And really, honestly, looks do not matter. I am quite certain that you are quite attractive to that right person who connects with you, mind and spirit. Be patient. Ignore what people say and be yourself!

  3. Attractive to whom? Different strokes for different folks. If we were all attracted to the same thing very few of us would ever have relationships. The most beautiful man that I have ever been with was thrown threw the window of a Datsun pickup when he was 7. He like yourself thought himself not attractive. Yet I have never been more attracted to anyone as I was to him. And before you start thinking it, I do not then, now or ever have some fetish for scars or accident victims. I cannot explain it the only thing I see when looking at him is how astonishingly beautiful he is.
    Someone out there will feel the same for you too.

  4. Haven’t you ever heard beauty is skin deep? You could be setting off a “not approachable” vibe that you overcome by making the first move. If they always turn you away it could be you usually select already committed women or your pick up lines stink. Surely you didn’t realize you’re not George Clooney (or Quasimodo for that matter) just now at 50? You know attractiveness is a combination of physical and personality. If you’ve gotten laid by a consenting adult consider yourself ahead of all the guys in that sad club that blames attractive women for not going to bed with them. A mid life crisis is not a revelation. It’s a temporary moment of vanity. Enjoy what you have, stop moping and go get some action with someone who is waiting to be approached because they don’t want to appear to be “easy.” You can both close your eyes and imagine George and Beyoncé if that makes you happy.

  5. I used to think that, too. Until friends started telling me that the women I liked but was too shy to ask out had always wanted to date me. I was just too dense to see that they were flirting with me the whole time. Face it: as guys, we aren’t that sharp sometimes. At any rate, who cares? If a woman doesn’t respond to you, she’s not the right one anyway. Just keep looking and you’ll find the one that loves you for who you are. And even if you don’t, that shouldn’t keep you from being happy. If you’re looking to someone else to find happiness, you won’t find it. You have to be happy with yourself first. Cheers, and good luck mate!

  6. I’m a 46 year old female. Guys tell me I’m good looking, but I’ve never had a guy come up and hit on me. I’ve felt very unattractive because of this. But then I’ve been out with women who I would say weren’t super models.. and they get hit on. I think sometimes it comes down to being able to flirt? Send and receive flirting signals? My friends who have been hit on a great at flirting. I am not :)

    Don’t tell yourself you are unattractive! Maybe consider learning how to catch someone’s eye :) … hold it… and smile!

  7. Alot of non attractive people out there that are still enjoying life, and getting love. Don’t give up, loosen up and go for it, who cares what anyone else thinks?

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