I just want somebody to hold me
Posted by Lonely Girl in Alone on Jun 4th, 2011 | 6 commentsI feel so desperate and I don’t know why. I’ve always lived in the shadow of my autistic sibling and my parents both love him so much. I know that they love me too but they don’t show it enough, not enough for me to understand that anyway.
My friend is always moaning about her stupid problems and all I want to do is turn on her and say, “So you got dumped by a boy? I’ve been so ******* miserable for god knows how long and you never notice!”
Nobody notices because I wake up in the morning and stick this massive fake smile on my face. But now I’ve had enough. It’s getting to the point where I wish death upon everybody I love and I feel so.. so drained.
I make up this fantasy life in my head, where I’m pretty and I’m a single child with no diabled brother and I have people who are kind and hold me whenever I feel like I want to scream.
“Are you alright?” “Yes, Mum..” “Okay, whatever.” **** YOU **** YOU **** YOU, I’M ******* MISERABLE!!
6 Responses to “ “I just want somebody to hold me”
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It’s not easy to care for a child, let alone a disable child. Your parents may have to take care of him for the rest of his/their life. It’s not something parents sign up for. I am sure parents want to be free of parents at some point.
However, too much care has been given to him and they probably didn’t give enough attention to you. Just be glad that you are born healthy and able, capable of doing tings on your own. However, you need love to. I really hope that you don’t find love in the wrong places because you crave for it so much. Lots of young people did that mistake and end up in a deep hole. If you want to chat more, write back.
You have to be honest. Stop saying “yes, I’m ok” to your parents and talk to them about it. They will understand.
The truth will set you free.
This must be awful for you and I agree with previous post, you have to be honest, now, because it will continue into your adult life, your parents need to know how you feel. They won’t tell you what you want to hear, but at least they’ll know how you feel.
Life gets really difficult, like for your parents, they’re probably just thankful that when they go to bed at night at least they don’t have to worry about you, because you’re normal and can take care of yourself.
Imagine how happy they must be that at least they have you and you’re okay.
I only ever had one child and my child never told me how she felt until it was too late. If she’d told me I would’ve known and I could have helped her and loved her.
Ask and you shall receive, but be sincere.
I can definitely relate. My brother has issues and all my life I thought that they loved him more. I do everything for myself. I thought if I was good enough, I would be loved. I hated myself for every mistake I made. Now, my brother made it to college and I have chronic depression, an eating disorder, and I am bipolar. I started seeing a therapist a year ago and it has really helped me. Though some days, I really hate my brother. I snap. BE STRONG. Don’t be afraid of speaking. Love yourself for who you are and love the ones that you hate. Make life a little easier at a time.
Yeah, start telling the truth about how you feel.
I understand your feelings. I go through it everyday myself, but they are all right. Talking does help, even if it’s to yourself in your room. No ones life is perfect, and everyone feels alone sometimes. Keep your chin up and look for the good of tomorrow. it pushes me through the days, maybe it can work for you too.