I don’t care anymore!
Posted by Me in Alone on Oct 8th, 2010 | 3 commentsI’m depressed because I don’t know how to get to people or talk to them. I have friends, sure, but I suck at being a friend or even making conversation. My life is the most boring life. I don’t do anything fun and I’m alone most of the time. When someone invites me to a party I don’t go because I don’t know how to dance and think I won’t have fun, but inside of me I know I’ll manage and that I WILL HAVE FUN, but I still don’t go bc I’m afraid. I’m always afraid of EVERYTHING!
I suck at the things I do. I draw, but I never practice so I’m not the best and I don’t wanna practice bc I wanna also do other things. I play the flute but I SUCK at it and even when I do practice I don’t get any better. I like to read, but I never finish a book. I’m a good student but I don’t like to study nor do I ever pay attention to teachers so I’m the SECOND of my class. And I just suck at everything else. I don’t want to be the best, but I’m frustrated bc I don’t have a real talent.
I wish I could have someone to tell these things to, but I don’t have any close friend, and the only closer one just likes to criticize me for everything instead of giving me a good advice or just trying to cheer me up. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I talk alone all the time. I’m that lonely.
Sometimes the pc is my only window to the world for I never get out of my house, bc I don’t even have any place to go. I know the things I can do, I know the things I can/should fix about myself, I know there’s no really something wrong with me and most of the time I’m happy with being who I am, but I’m just too much afraid to try anything; to try to get out of my lonely bubble; to try to be a better person, TO JUST TRY, and I’m just soooooooooo frustrated.
Talking throught internet is a lot easier, and even so, I can’t join the fun most of the time. That makes me feel even worse.
I don’t want to be popular or loved by everyone, less yet the soul of the party. I just want to catch up with the others and have fun with/like everyone else.
Some ppl may believe this is not a confession, but to me it is, bc I need to share these thoughts and feelings I’ve never shared with anyone. I need to say it, and not just to myself.
*Sigh* if I just could stop being afraid and start trying…
3 Responses to “ “I don’t care anymore!”
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Hi Alone, sounds to me like you might have some ADD, anxiety or depression (IDK exactly, I’m not a doctor) But seeing a professional therapist can help you learn the skills you need to get to where you want to be. You sound like a smart, strong individual, don’t be afraid to ask for help.. I have a feeling with just a little bit of help, you’ll be fine. Good luck
The fact you recognized that you scared means you are ready to overcome it. It’s okay. You’re incredible. At least you read! you know how to play the flute! Don’t care if you’re good or not, you’re better than me! And likely better than the rest of the 80% of the population that probably can’t tell the difference between a flute and an oboe. you are SECOND in the class! Do you know how many people would kill for that position? Or do something as drastic! you have a brighter future in front of you than the rest of your class has!! Popularity and stuff really isn’t that important in the long shot of your life. Bill Gates once said ‘be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them.’ goes to show… something.
You do have talent. I’m guessing you probably haven’t noticed it yet. Talent isn’t something that just comes to you. It’s something that you hone. (though some people are blessed with a talent that sticks out a mile, most people are not.)
So you have that ‘talking to yourself problem’ too huh? it’s not a bad thing! you end up thinking a lot more, and reflecting on your life a lot more than most people would. It gives you more insight than you would care for sometimes, but all in all, it’s not a bad thing. you can even use it as an ice-breaker.
“hey, are you talking to someone?”
“Er… no! I have this habit of talking to myself. Wierd huh? (cue light laugh)”
Errr… that was lame. sorry.
If you fell like you can’t relate to people around you, then more often than not, it’s because your way of thinking has progressed a lot faster than others and your afraid of being rejected. Relax, and think of yourself ten years from now, and realize that by the time you’re ten or even just 5 years older, all this is not going to be a problem. by that time, you would have stepped into society as a fantastic person, and strut your stuff down the road with some random awesome theme song from ‘charlie’s angel’ playing in the background. You’re incredible and i can tell than just by reading your entry!! So strut your incredible stuff!! It ain’t gonna be easy, and sometimes you just want to scream FTW, but trudge on, and you’ll be great one day. I’m sure of it!!
Hey im the same way you are but then again we’re different. I like to draw also im taking art this year best choice of my life I was afraid at first because i didnt know anything about art all i knew is that i could look at a picture and draw it with ease. im a reader too theres only a couple books i havent finished though. im sorry if im not making you feel any better but im trying.if u need a friend then know that im here i really cant be much of a friend now since i dont have a phone probably wont be gettin one until feburary nor do i have a computer i just got stuck over my aunts house for the time being and if you really do want someone to talk to then as soon as i get a phone ill let you know on here you can give me your email and we can exchange there. i hope i can be some help to you oh almost forgot im a good student also i dont study or listen but i somehow pass not really sure how that work out i try to make myself invinsible but teachers alwayys notice me…calling on me for stuff, like i actually know the answer…keep your head up conqure(?) your fears have a good time!