failing
Posted by IK in Alone on Apr 14th, 2011 | 10 commentsI was saved in November. I feel like at first I changed so much. My life is so different, but now I feel stagnant. I feel almost empty. I want God. I have pursued him to a point that I have bible studies every day. I felt the distance then, so I quit some to focus more on personal disciplines. It has improved, but it is still there. Distance. Feeling like he isn’t there even though scripture tells us he is. I don’t know how to improve this. I want him more than anything. I am terrified of the life I live. I would never choose it again…but if he doesn’t come back I am worried it will be inevitable.
I also almost began a relationship with a guy in my ministry. However, we literally did nothing besides go to church together. Still, I can’t stop thinking about him at times. I look at his facebook daily. I want to block him but feel like it is inappropriate because we are in ministry together. I also agreed to work at a camp with him this summer. A week of him ignoring me and making me feel awful? when I would rather it be a week of sharing God’s light with these young girls. I feel like the issues with him has something to do with the distance. I have experienced so much freedom from guys, except him.
Finally, I am fasting this week. I set up all these things I would fast from. All I have basically failed. I feel like a large part has been the load of everything else that maybe time wasn’t good. but that with the distance, I just feel like such a failure. I’m so very discouraged. :( and I have no clue how normal this is.
10 Responses to “ “failing”
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You sound like you love God. Do you know He always love you. You don’t have to earn one bit of God’s love. Your ministry, relationships, and fasting make me think you are trying to make God love you more. He won’t because He can’t. He loves you perfectly now. Stop striving and rest in His love.
Jesus said if we knock it shall be opened, if seek we will find, if we ask we will receive. (Matthew 7)Don’t give up and make sure you are completely surrendered to Him. God bless you!
Sound advice from Anonymous.
2 Corinthians 1:4 talks about the Spirit of comfort who comforts us in times of troubles so can comfort others. I believe you should also seek out a prayer group in your church in which you feel comfortable about sharing these feelings. They can pray for you.
Be blessed.
We all go through ups and downs in every relationship, including with God. He loves you unconditionally, the other poster summed it up perfectly.
I love the story “Footprints in the sand’ you should read it.
Use your brain. Come to your own conclusions about the existence and nature of God. Come to your own conclusions about what you think proper conduct is. Imagine the possibility that your church or ministry is wrong. I’m not saying they are, but don’t let fear of being different scare you away from being an individual mind.
This fasting sounds like an eating disorder in the name of religion.
I was accepted Christ this February. It was the opposite for me: I felt like nothing changed right away, until recently. It took until the mid-March for me to feel my relationship with God. I pray every night and whenever I want to during the day. I’m still confused too about the relationship, but I think we have to accept that His relationships with us are all different. Just in the past month He has blessed me so much by answering my prayers in anything from minuscule to ginormous ways. I think you just need perseverance and faith in yourself to know that you won’t fall back into your old habits.
As for bible studies and discipleship, they help me understand the Word. I have to pursue a relationship with God through prayer to see a relationship building. Having faith that He is there and listening was the hardest part, but once I believed that everything began to fall in place.
Struggling and feeling discouraged is not failing. Completely normal. You are too hard on yourself and know God does not get mad at you for these things. He is OVERJOYED that you are pursuing Him!
Now about this guy in the ministry, I have a very similar experience too haha. Our early relationship was not very deep either, but I see now that I was not exploring my faith as much I was just going through the motions for him in the fall. I think you need to forgive whatever you’re mad at your guy for because it seems to be emotionally binding you. If he cannot do the same, then he needs to better understand the practice of forgiveness before he can call himself a Christian.
Good luck and you should check out everystudent.com :)
Everything you’re feeling is perfectly normal. By giving yourself to God you’ve been made alive in spirit but you still have your flesh to live through and it isn’t going away. You’ve got to be retrained in your thinking but the only one who can do it is God.
Don’t waste your time with extra prayer groups and church meetings. Church has it’s place but those people can’t help you. I’m not a preacher or healer or anyone special or famous but I feel God’s peace and presence daily. Every second of the day in fact. I used to become horrbily depressed for months at a time but that doesn’t happen anymore. I don’t have everything I want, my confidence is not in my flesh or in my possessions but I have God and his peace daily.
Ask God to let you have these things. Ask him to be with you always. In truth, you already have it all but the only one that can show you it’s true is God himself.
It will take a little time for you to be moved by the things of God everyday so be patient. In fact, would you like to know what to do while you wait for God to open the eyes of your heart?
Absolutely nothing!
Just wait. Be patient (as much as you can be). Live your life. Before you know it, you’ll start seeing things differently.
I promise, God wants you to have Him more than you want to have Him.
In The Hands Of The Master Potter shed the blue print for the future when I was a new believer. Those confusing times are trust building times. I learned that during the times it feels like God is far away, you anchor/trust/get my moral compass from the bible. Life may have its way with me at the moment but God sure visits on His appointed time. I’m proud of you for making the effort to reach out to God. God sure is honored by that. Just look at John 14:21. He that has my commandment and keeps it….is him that loves Me….and I manifest myself to him. That was almost eighteen years ago and am still one satisfied/forgiven ex-heathen. I’m glad he found me, I wasn’t looking for him.
Sorry, but God just isn’t there.
I’m really not qualified to answer, I have so many problems of my own, but – just make sure that you’re giving everything over to him, you can’t hold anything back. We’re not strong enough, but he is, lean on him.