Confessions of a whinging bitch.

I love you so much, but I can never tell you because your rejection is what I fear the most. We’re alike in almost every way & you make my world a better place. It kills me when you talk about her. How different you are to her, but you like her anyway.

I have problems connecting with people. That said, I have a lot of friends. Tons infact. So many people have said that I am special & mean a lot to them, but the fact of the matter is I don’t really care much for them. I mean, yes I would be kind of sad if they died or something bad happened, but there’s still no real connection. They’re just comforts. Knowing this pains me & makes me feel like a bitch. I don’t use them & I really do try to make something work out, but it’s no use.

I have only felt connected to two people. My dad, who is getting iller by the week & I fear he wont live a full life.
& you, an amazingly intelligent, kind, deep, thoughtful guy. But at this rate, I fear losing you too & in my mind I will be alone.

I have never had so many friends before, but why do I feel so empty?

My dog has always been the most important thing to me. She still is. When my parents would fight when I was younger, I used to cry behind the couch or under a table holding her & she would lick my face. Whenever I was upset she would come sit by me. She meant to much to me. She died last November & I still cry almost everyday.

I have never felt this alone. I hate it.

I know I just sound like a whinging bitch. I really try not to be. Gahhhhhhhhhhhh.