Alone

Posted by anonymous in Alone on Feb 9th, 2010 | 6 comments

Need to get this off my shoulders.

I’m 19, living at home, have wonderful parents, older brother, and younger sister who i love dearly.

I am a very outgoing girl, love to have fun, always smiling, was never a loner and down to earth.

1.
My dad is cheating on my mum. I found out when he bought another woman home with her. My brother was at his gf’s my mum was on a girls weekend away, my little sister was a friends for a sleepover. I was meant to be going out for the night into town, but plans changed and ended up coming home early.
thinking no one would be home i guess he thought he would bring her home withouth anyone noticing. I’m not sure how long this has been going on for. But now that i know he has been negging me not to say anything to mum or anyone.

The thing that got me most upset was that she sat down on the couch and started talking to me. Like there was nothing wrong.

I was not sure if i had any right to tell my mum. But i thought she had a right to know. After a few months of begging dad to tell her, he didnt so i went and told her.

I sat her down and long story short as soon as i said it she got up walked out of the room with tears running down her face and said that i am not her daughter anymore.

I guess she was just upset and didnt know what to do so she blames it on me.

I have never been exremely close with my parents but i still love them no matter what.

My little sister i think is too young to understand what is going on. when parents fight i usually take her for a little drive to get an ice cream or toa friends house or something. she knows im there for her

2.
My older brother who is a year older than me, we have been the closest of sibling ayone could ever imagine. He is the onl person i feel i could turn to, we were the best of friends.

He has a gf. They have been dating for two years and have just moved into the granny falt at the end of our house together.
His gf has issues. She is a compulsive liar. And will do anything for attention. Including getting rid of me.
Not going into it but she has slowly and gradually turned my brother against me. by making up all these little stories about how i would steal money out of his wallet, sleep around with all of his mates.. just heaps of little nasty things that i would never dream of doing.

anyway, my brother now does not want to know me.

3.
I know im only young, but i have had my bad share of guy toubles. I was dating someone for 3 years. Then found out he had been cheating on me for hte last 6 months of our relationship. After taking him back a few times. The last time was the very last.

I met up with an old friend about 8 months after me and my ex had broken up. We hit it off pretty well and one thing led to another we ended up dating. he had always had a reputation for being a bit of a player. I was hesitant at the start but then learned after a week of him busting out the big “L” word, cheated on me with one of my good friends. I had my suspicions but always approached him and he said i wa just being silly and all that comes with..

4.
I hate my job. It’s pretty slack pay for the amount of work i do. But i can’t afford to study and to have a life (not to sounds selfish) as my parents do not support me in anyway. I pay $10 in board every week, pay for my own food etc. etc. I am greatful for everything they have done, they bought me up to be ther person i am today. I’m prud of myself and i thank them enourmously for that.
but i can’t seem to find a decent job, something that i like doing, or a course i am interested in that is not so expensive. It’s hard to save consierding the circumstances.

5.
I am slowly learning who my real friends are. Slowly learning that people are not who they crack up to be. though lying. sleeping with ex.bf’s, spreading rumours etc etc. the list is narrowing down and i dont know if i can say i have any ‘real’ friends. sure i have firends.. but no one who i can bust my soul out to.

6.
I moved out of home. Expecting to leave all of this behind. Just till sort my head out. but turns out the firned i was living with also was sleeping with BOTH of my Ex’s. I thought she was my best friend.

I had to move back home beacuse i had no where else to go. Its hard living in the same house as a mum who had disowned you and knowing that your dad is cheating on your mum and there is nothing you can do about it.
But i am thankful they let me come back. I still love them.

7.
A friend of mine just died of a heart attack. He was 20 years old. Not at the slightest one bit fair.
I somehow thought that this would bring people together. Make people realise to not take friends for granted. Guess i was wrong.

8. My nanna lives in NZ, i am from Australia. she is sick. And is going to die soon. I think knwoing someon is going to die and not being able to see them because of finacial difficulties and the distance, makes it alot mroe harder.

9.0
A friend of mine tried killing herself the other day.
She backed out and now expects everyone to be fine with it. She does not know how even mentining it affected anyone else. she doesnt know how many people actually care for her.
I can’t explain it any other way. she is slefish and self centred. And did it for attentnion. Not trying to be mean. but iv known her for years. And she is an attention seeker..

So i think it’s safe to say i have trust issues.
I dont know what to do anymore. And i dont have anyone to talk to..

No one knows any of this. And im not sure who i can talk to..

Yet i feel so guilty.. There are people out there who dont even have a family, no home. Nothing. I feel horrible for winging.

I don’t feel I have anyone to turn to..