Sad for myself.

I´m so sad. I wanna quit drinking but I can´t find a way. I drink everyday. Should stop it. But why ? Feel so sad about my life style, so sad about it. Will survive. So help me God.

6 thoughts on “Sad for myself.

  1. You are using alcohol to fill a hole in your heart. You don’t like your circumstances and they are hard to change for a number of reasons. Ya, it’s it’s easy to throw up your hands and say, “Screw it”. I don’t like my life situation that much either, it’s a huge change from the kind of life I used to have and that emptiness sometimes makes me want to say the same. It’s the nights that get to me. I love my dogs but it is still lonely. And sometimes scary. I drink a couple of beers every night, almost. Because it just gets old. Are you drinking during the day too? Yikes. I think a support group would help. I’ve been to them before and every once in a while you will hear something that hits home with you and will get you to think. I love self help books from Hazeldon also. I have used audio book that I would listen to when I felt down. Are you married? Does your partner drink? They need to stop in the name of solidarity…if they won’t you are going to have to think about th way you two will fit together if you want to be completely sober and they have an indifference to you regarding this. I don’t feel I need to drink, I just hate nights.

  2. I was where you are 24 years ago. Drank a twelve pack every night for years. Didn’t like my reflection in the mirror or how I felt like I was without a soul, hollow.

    I went to a treatment center, went to meetings, and it got so much better, and it will for you too.

    You’re in my thoughts

    1. Let me tell you about treatment centers. Research them well because they are not all created equal…I went to one for prescription medication after I had back surgery…it’s necessary because withdrawals are difficult without help. Then I went to a treatment center for depression after my husband died because I had a breakdown. OMG…nice place, pretty pictures on the walls, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, unbeknownst to me guess who I had the great misfortune of having as my provider? The most cold blooded vindictive wife of my ex love. I was refused anthing thing for anxiety, anything for sleep…nothing. She had no interest in why I was there (although I suspect she thought I was in town to put the moves on her husband). I laid there cried all the time, got hardly any sleep and she had the nerve to tell me I deserved it because I was an addict. I was not nor had I been on anything in a very, very, long time. She refused to look at my clean lab results when I was admitted. Nice doctor, huh? She said she was notifing my family doctor that I was nothing but a junkie (against hippa laws) and I was not….and ordered me out the door and that I was not to make it revolving with my problems. I had a report all written up on her for the California Medical Board and considered suing her. I backed off not for her sorry as*, but for my old friend. She and her family, which were in hospital business, would have mad his life holy hell. Thanks, Loma Linda….the place where I went to nursing school and worked my rear end off for 8 years.

  3. You will do just fine. You can beat this. Please start going to Alcohol Anonymous today. Go as often as possible and get a sponsor. If you do this, things can and will work out for you. Good luck.

  4. Joanna, you may not know it, but you are loved. You feel sad, I can understand. We all feel pain and even shame when we don’t live up to the greater ideal self that we want to be. But please understand, someone, somewhere in this world cares that you exist. Maybe it’s someone you meant something to in your past or maybe it’s someone right now, who just hasn’t expressed how much they love and care for you to the degree that they should have. Maybe, just maybe, it’s someone you’ve yet to meet. Regardless, as much as you feel like the bottle is the friend that so many others can’t be, it’s been false to you. Yes, it pretends to give you a leg up, to make you feel good. It pretends to let you breathe easier when things get too tough, when you get lonely, or even when you just crave a little fun and insight. But secretly, there’s another agenda. Alcohol is an entity that wants to rob you, cheat you, and to deepen the very despair it promises to help you escape. Why? Because it’s taken a gamble that this will deepen your thirst as well. Don’t let it play you like that. You’ve existed before you drank so deeply. You can exist afterward, if you take the steps to break free… just as you know you want to do. And realize too, by the way, that your drinking isn’t something so simple as a moral failing, a character weakness, or whatever the judgemental of our world want to tell you. It’s more complicated than that. And your desire to quit shows that you have plenty of good character and moral intention, besides. More than enough to actually achieve it. What you need now is somebody to guide you. A sensible doctor, a caring but not overbearing addiction group, even an online community of ex-drinkers that can walk you through it. Don’t waste time trying to do it alone. Find somebody who can walk you through it. They’re everywhere. And many have been through it themselves. Just promise me this. First, that you’ll stop beating yourself or indulging your sense of shame. It’s holding you back not moving you forward. Second, please take the steps — including the physical recovery steps — that you need to take soon. Earlier this year, we buried my brother’s wife at age 49, killed by nothing stronger white wine. We watched her drink away her friends, her very good career, her marriage, and ultimately her existence. I watched vodka destroy my sister’s marriage too. So many others fell under its spell and lost something, even everything. I don’t know you, but I don’t want that to happen to you too. You can stop with help. And you want to stop. So get the help and get it soon. It’s going to be hard, let’s not deny that, but you’re worth it. Your future is worth it. And, I promise you, there’s a beautiful life ahead for you in which the bottle neither needs nor deserves to play a role. Please do it. And start soon. How about this coming Sunday? A beautiful life awaits you… and all those that you’ll inspire with your awesome success. We believe in you!!! With love and good luck, albeit from a stranger…. you can do it!!!

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