Need a hand up
Posted by Anonymous in Addiction on Jun 5th, 2010 | 3 commentsI am an alcoholic and I need help. As much as I admit to myself that I have a problem, I cannot truly admit that I do. I have too many excuses and a big ego I won’t let go of. I worry too much about what other people think of me. Deep inside I’m so scared of what is happening to me. I tell myself an alcoholic is a choice people make, and I picture an alcoholic in my head..a picture of someone I am not. I tell myself that I could stop drinking if I wanted to, but I can’t go a day without it. I hate that I can’t admit it. I’m deeply depressed and can’t let anyone know. I feel like my life is going nowhere and that I shouldn’t be here anymore. I don’t accept my self and I don’t feel accepted. I am so lonely and so far gone. I cannot accept help from others until I can help myself.
3 Responses to “ “Need a hand up”
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its not too late and i see how your scared. And the first step is accepting that your and alcoholic which is wat your doing. you need to get help you seem like a wonderful person and i dont want to see a drink ruin your life. I have witnessed and alcaholic ruin the relationship with her family and every one around her. She lost the respect and trust of everyone. Finally she got help about 3 or 4 years ago and she is happily married with a new baby son and daughter and she is now glowing women who is succesful and happy. getting help will not be easy but you have save yourself before something horrible happens. Please follow my advice i know i have never met you but my heart already feels your pain. So get help stop going out so often to partys until you get help and find a healthy substitute
I know exactly how you feel. I felt the same way. I was afraid of what people would think of me too. I felt lonley, I felt no one understood me or understood what I was going through. If I quit drinking what would I do at weddings ? How could I get on a dance floor ? What will I do on New Years Eve ? I hated myself, believe me I did things drunk that I would never do sober. I finally took a risk and went to an AA meeting. It was kind of hard to walk in the door of a meeting the first time but, there are people available to help you. (www.aa.org) It hard to admit you have a drinking problem let alone admit your an ALCOHOLIC !! Scary word ! I’m telling you, going to a meeting was the BEST thing I ever did ! I met people there that understood me. Alcoholics understand each other. We all have felt the same pain. You can get better. You will feel whole. No longer will you feel alone. It works. Find your way. I have been sober for 26 years. I have never been happier. I have a wonderful husband that doesn’t abuse me. Three children that are good kids because I am a good parent. Pray for the strength to make that call. I never thought I would even admit I was an alcoholic, now I can say I am PROUD that I am an alcoholic ! iCare, please get help XO
I too worked and still do work at an organization that is big and everyone knows me. At 19 I already knew I drank too much. I knew I wanted to stop by 29 but what you described is what I was also afraid of. What will people say? How am I supposed to enjoy “life” without socializing which was a huge aspect of my life at that point. At 32 i put myself into rehab but couldn’t complete it but afterward was determined not to drink. I stopped going out to bars and casinos and lost almost all my buddies because I always said ‘NO” to parties. I am a single father and thought I could do it all on my own. I went 5 years without getting hammered then for no reason, I drank for a week straight that put me into rehab again. This time I completed the stay and have been sober for 2 and half years.
Its a bit long winded but you know how I am surviving this addiction at this point in time? I swallowed my “pride and ego” and asked my friends and family for help. I immersed myself in hobbies i liked and being the best dad i can be today. Yes, the urges remain and i fight them daily. I hate that I gained weight due to dropping booze and cigarettes but my lungs and liver thank me although my heart and pancreas might not. You can do this! You can enjoy life again! Get the help you know you want and need and things will get better. I thought i was indispensible in my job and thought the whole organization would suffer or collapse without my being at work for a month or two in order to seek help. Well, guess what? The world kept right on turning and the organization is still going strong with or without my help. i know now that i am but one piece of the puzzle and that life will go on regardless of the decisions we make for ourselves. As for quitting cold turkey, i went to AA for a while but stopped although I desire to go again and I will. I pray to my God and it helps. It took me months after I stopped drinking to know that the new feelings i was experiencing was actually normalcy. You see, i spent 15 years drinking from Thirsty Thursday to Sunday, feeling ill on monday and Tuesday, having one decent Wednesday and then back again on the same cycle. I didn’t know what normal feeling was supposed to be. Yeah its still hard but I always recall those mornings after a hard nights drinking when I looked into the mirror and said ‘never again”. I don’t miss the puking, cold sweats, nervousness around people, anxiety about work, and the feeling of dread that accompanied my alcoholism. Do what will work for you and good luck. PS-thanks for letting me open up bit here, I feel better having done so.