Life with Anorexia

I’m just going to go straight into it.
I’ve been dealing with anorexia since the beginning of last summer (July). My weight has gone from 130lbs to 95lbs, and it’s currently at a plateau. I can’t stop feeling the fat on my body, not that I feel fat, or I’m grabbing the fat, but any bit of fat left on me I can just feel, y’know?
Everyone says I’m losing it too fast and that I’m stick thin now and it’s not an attractive look, but I don’t see it at all. I’m currently going to counselling sessions with a clinic to discuss and make improvements on my eating, which goes well for the first few days after the meetings (every week roughly), but then it slowly slips.
I’m supposed to eat a breakfast, snack, lunch, snack and dinner, but usually I make sure that stays under 1000-1200 calories and try to make it look like I’m eating a lot, when I’m really not.
Today I had next to nothing for breakfast, a small sandwich, two apples, tiny bit of cake, ice cream, banana, yoghurt, some chocolate and some prawns for dinner. I feel like I binged, even though I then did an hours worth of cardio, plus thirty minutes walking today. I tried to throw up for the first time today but I physically couldn’t do it, like my body wouldn’t let me. Now after trying for a good twenty minutes, I feel dizzy, tired and I have headaches.
This f****** sucks, and I implore none of you to get into this state at all. Please, don’t ever get like this, it’s f****** horrible, especially when revising for exams.

Just needed to rant because I’ve never honestly talked about it before fully. Thanks.

One thought on “Life with Anorexia

  1. It sounds as if you’re making a bit of progress. Would you please also share this same information with your doctor and therapist so that you can continue your progress toward greater wellness? Keeping a journal of your struggles and progress might also help your treatment along. Be well now.

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