this morning i planned to walk to my towns ponds, fill a backpack wth rocks and jump in. when i got to the pond i started crying so hard i had to sit down, i pulled out my phone and scrolled through ALL my contacts through phone, email, and facebook. there was not a single person i felt like i could call. i dont know … Continue reading alone

I’m a fake

I’m a fake, I pretend to be interested in the same shit that every overly-privileged, consumer driven mind at my school “enjoys”. I told one person I lost my virginity just because I was sick of denying rumours even though surprise I’m still a virgin. I drink alcohol because emotion is too real. I lie to every person that cares about me and I push … Continue reading I’m a fake

I can’t keep going like this

I’m a senior in highschool. I’ve always been a ‘good student’ and people always act like I have the answers, that I’m the strong, emotionally stable one, even though I was diagnosed with depression. But I’m not. I’m failing more than half of my classes. I can’t bear being around even my closest friends. Every day I find myself thinking more and more about ending … Continue reading I can’t keep going like this

Speak no evil

I loved drugs. Ecstasy in particular. It was colorful and stamped with different pictures. Apples, hearts, stars, peace signs, Mercedes, aliens, Supermans, Playboy bunnies, dollar signs… I was young when I did it and I was lucky to walk away from it. I’d go back to it if I wasn’t so scared of what might come out of my mouth. If I thought I had … Continue reading Speak no evil

My kids

Everytime I see myself in my children, I’m disappointed. I’ve made nothing of my life, and only hoped by leaving them with their mother to raise them, they would be better. Yet still, my son may say or do something that I would have done at his age. How do I tell him “no, don’t go down this path, you want to turn out like … Continue reading My kids

Sleep forever

I’m a 20-year-old College girl. I spent months telling myself that I would be better. I’m not better and I don’t know what to do. I cry myself to sleep every night while replaying the same scenario of how I would take my own life OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I have no drive to do anything. I barely get out of bed. My parents don’t … Continue reading Sleep forever