I blame myself…

My best friend is dead. She was abducted, raped, and murdered. I honestly blame myself and their are many reasons why.
Reason one is that because I got caught stealing something, I stopped getting rides in the morning from a friend, and consequently, so did she.
Reason two is that I was supposed to walk to school with her and I didn’t.
Reason three is that she went to my house that morning and I wasn’t there, that’s why she was where she was and why she was alone.
If none of this had happened, she’d be alive.
It will have been 3 years ago soon and I still blame myself.

I hate my husband

I hate my husband and his stupid lying ways. I miss my ex every day and think of him constantly. I believe my husband is a complete and total moron. My biggest regret ever was marrying this loser.
We have a son, and I feel so stuck. Everyone we know thinks that he is such a great guy, but he is a pathological liar and a thief. He has stolen large amounts of money, committed Insurence fraud, even stolen money from our son. My husband is a terrible person, and I’m the only one who knows it. I hate my life.

Sometimes…

Sometimes I wish I could actually tell my friends what I am dealing with. How my grandma told my family that my brother and I are going to hell for not being religious. How I help with other people’s depression when I can’t deal with my own. How I have no idea about who I am, or what I am.

Trapped….

I have three wonderful children, and a man who loves me. Yet most days I think of running away. I love my family, but so often i feel trapped in a life I have control over. I care for them all without fail, and while I love what I am, I feel like I could be so much more! The guilt kills me, but I can’t help what I feel. Am I a horrible person?

i want to turn back time

if i can turn back time i will not accept her love. i will draw myself away from her so that i will not have to worry of her suicidal thoughts. she will kill herself if i leave her. this is what she told me many times.

so i am with her now. problem is, i cannot accept myself for being a lesbian. i hate myself. i hate my life.

Little too late

I’m sixteen and have had a boyfriend for over a year but lately I’ve been thinking things I shouldn’t be. When I was thirteen I dated my best friend who’s a girl and I got scared and broke up with her now years later we are still best friends but I believe I’ve fallen in love with her and I’m scared because I love my boyfriend I don’t understand why girls pretend to be bisexual for attention it’s confusing and frustrating

Addicted

I’m addicted to pain pills. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on my habbit. My tolerence is so high that I now take 4 80mg oxycotin, or 10 methadone tablets plus 6 10mg percocets. It wasn’t to long ago that I screwed up really bad, and not paying attention to how high I was, I nearly died. The thing is, I don’t want to give up my habbit at any cost. Even my own death. For someone who does as much as I do, you would barely know it to look at me, except on occasion where I start nodding out. I’m connective, I speak pretty well, the only tell tale sign is the pin point pupils, and the green eyes, which are normally blue. I don’t want to stop, ever. But in my heart I do hold an enormous guilt to what it’ll do to my mom, my brother, my friends that love me, if next time I slip up to severe, I don’t make it back. And guilt to God, for needing an out from a life I can’t stand to live, but don’t dare to end.

A gay mess

I just graduated from a prestigious college, but aside from that my life is in ruins.
I’m in holy debt, I’m desperate for a job and broke, nothing motivates me and i’m all alone.
So many days I carry a bottle a pills with me and dare myself to take them all, but i’m a failure at that too.
my sexuality hurts me i’m not confortable with it i hate being gay, as if my life isn’t hard enough i have to hide my feelings for women and when i think i do find someone thats great they turn out to use me for sex and money if i don’t have to courage to kill myself i might as well run away, for so many years i’ve thought of the perfect getaway.

just know i’m not dead

Running Miles

I am 15 yrs old

I am obsessed with jogging. Sometimes its too late to jog outside so I do it on the spot in my room, and I cant stop. Even when my family members tease and humiliate me about it I still jog on the spot.

Its a compulsion.

Today mom, you made a dinner joke that you no longer hear my mini earthquakes anymore.

If only you knew I resorted to cutting the soles of my feet with a razor so it hurts whenever I walk on them.

So I can stop jogging at night.

So I can be normal

My best friend’s fiance has a sketchy past…

My best friend, (23) got engaged after only about 6 months, to a 37 year old. They are already getting married next summer. I wouldn’t have a problem with it I hadn’t heard really sketchy things about him. I have heard from numerous people, people that don’t even know her, that; he has a criminal background; he has been engaged before (he told her he never has); he’s commited insurance fraud; his family does not approve of the marriage; and that his friends are saying that he gave her a ring to shut her up, in addition to other things. I don’t know what to do at this point. Should I tell her or not tell her? I feel like if I do she wont believe me and will turn on me.

HELP!!

no one knows

I’ve told a few close friends that my moms ex-bf sexually assaulted me but I haven’t told anyone what he did or even told my mom. I feel like if I tell someone what he did or even told my mom it wouldn’t cross my mind almost everyday. But I’m so scared. What if they blame me for it? I blame myself. It’s all my fault. I should’ve tried to stop it. They still talk sometimes, him and my mom. I even told my friend, and I told him not to tell anyone, and what does he do? He tells the guys son! Who I know. So I’m positive my mom’s ex knows that I told people. I’m so scared.

Suffering in Silence…

I want to die. It is all because of my mother. She hated/hates me, she had the nerve to tell me that she planned on aborting me. The only thing that saved my life was her friend. Well, i wish you would have!!!! She is a totally shallow person. She is definitely the reason why my childhood did not exist. While she was out partying, i was left to care for my siblings. While she was bring different men home, i was the one suffering; now having to live life completely screwed up. I feel like i can Never find happiness. I have built wall so high, that no one can get through. I am gonna die alone and miserable. I feel completely ugly and like i am not worthy of love. If neither one of my parents could love me, how could anyone else? And I can’t talk about these things with anyone but a therapist. I feel like a total burden to EVERYONE in my life. I HATE MYSELF!