I just want her to love me.

My older sister has anger problems that make it impossible to have a close, trusting relationship. She goes crazy, like a feral animal, screaming and clawing, and screeching hateful bitter words at anyone who even seems to be opposing her. The entire family lives in fear of setting her off. She might seem ashamed of herself later, but she never tries to make it right or ask for forgiveness. She’s graduated college and has finally moved out of the house, but it’s still a problem whenever she’s with family.

We’re eighteen months apart; we grew up together, even more than usual since we were homeschooled and lived in an isolated rural area. It’s indescribably painful to be so intimately tied to someone that has hurt me deeply and repeatedly.

I love her, but I can’t forgive her. I’ve ended up pretty screwed up, too, and I know I’ll never feel adequate as a human being, because my big sister hates me. My helplessness eats at me. I’m too small to fix this. I want her to, but I know she can’t either. I’m tired, and frustrated, and angry, and hurt, and lonely. I wish I could just let it go, but I can’t. It’s slowly killing me.

Pretending

When we first did, me and my ex, I did like it, but after a few more times, I kinda got too bored, even if he tried to make it a bit exciting at times by using some things for added pleasure. I just don’t get the satisfaction that I sexually need from him so what I do, just to please him is, I pretend that I enjoy having sex.

Secret BFFL Love

i am a 14 year old girl and i have a 13 year old best friend, we have been best friends for 3 years now and 5 weeks ago i told her i loved her and she said she loved me too. we are so in love but cant tell anyone because we are scared of what they will think and say. we walk around holding hands as ‘friends’ and trying not to just kiss each other. i think about her ever second and if there is such a thing as a soul mate she is mine. i have had 2 bf’s and they were okay but i didnt love them like i love her and maybe its wrong but we have had sex and it was amazing so i dont understand why we cant just tell people but we cant. i cant tell my mum and dad because my brother is gay and they dont approve so i dont want them to not like me as much just because of who i love. i dont know what to do!!!! and also i dont know if we are bi or not because we both like boys and only each other is tht bi?

I fulfilled my fantasy, and ruined yours.

I gave your fiancee a blowjob at work today in his office. We’ve been good friends for several months now and today the sexual tension got to be overwhelming.

I know he loves you, and I know what I did was wrong, but you suffocate him and he hides trivial things from you. You’ve accused him for so long that you made your worst dreams come true.

Girl accusing friend of rape

My friend had this huge party and everyone was getting drunk and having fun. After everyone was gone it was just us and a couple of girls. He and the girl were both pretty drunk and they end up having sex. My friend said she initiated the sexual contact by kissing him and then gave him oral sex. They then had sex and she was even on top of him during sex he said. Later in the week the girl claims she was to drunk and he shouldn’t have had sex with her so she has been telling everyone he raped her. Nothing was ever filed but she is trying to ruin his name. He said its kinda scary because its his word against her’s if she ever tried to do anything.

feeling pathetic is taking its toll on me

I feel like an utter failure at 30. I am happy that I’m teaching art. I feel like I’m doing a good thing with these little kids. They’re assholes but I love em. But I feel like a loser because its just a safe place for me that I’m accepting. I want to start a business facepainting. In my area there are only a handful of people that do it and I think I could find a niche because I’m a lot better at it than the folks I’ve seen do it. I’m like a raft on the river that just bobs along any which way the current takes me, I make no true choices for myself.

I feel like I am trapped by my parents. I love my parents intensely, but they’re very sick and very old, and I feel that if I’m not nearby, they’ll be screwed. I moved back home because I felt that that was the only way I could save them. I have no life here. But the guilt that I would feel if I left would crush me I think. They’re so so sick. I hate watching them get worse and worse but there’s nothing I can do. I know I’m watching them die and its gonna hurt so bad when it finally happens, I don’t know what I’ll do.

I still pine away for my first love. I think I’ve allowed him to ruin anybody else for me. He was a lousy boyfriend, yet he was the most amazing boyfriend. I feel like I’ll never find anyone that comes close to him. We talk often, and I’ve more or less told him how I still feel about him, and how I would dive in if he wanted to be with me again. Basically I made a fool of myself. He doesn’t ******* want me. He always ends the phone call. It’s so embarrassing. I can never end a phone call because I don’t want to stop talking to him. And instead of growing some balls and moving on, my heart leaps up into my throat everytime I hear the cell ring and see his name light up on my phone. My heart leaps into my throat. ******* ridiculous.
I’m really angry because I let him back in. When he moved away with that girl, I MADE him not exist anymore. I demanded that he not call me anymore and I refused to call him anymore. We both kept our ends of the deal. And after a couple of years, I felt better. I made him not exist anymore and I felt normal. Then one day he called. And I took the call.

Now that we talk, I even made up a lie that I’m currently in a relationship because I was afraid that he would know that I was still in love with him and unable to move on. ITS SO PATHETIC! So now, when he asks me a question about “Mike” I have to add on to the stupid lie that I started. “oh yeah…Mike and are gonna go downtown and visit the art galleries tonight” Somedays he’ll ask something about “Mike” and I’m like, “who?…oh yeah! mike!”

The worst is that I think that because I am the way that I am, I’ll never find another person to love me. I’m and awkward girl. I don’t know how to flirt, I don’t enjoy clubs or the typical places you meet guys. I can’t look in the mirror and actually say I feel attractive. I simply have days where I feel ok about my looks and days where I feel crappy about my looks. Once in a blue moon I feel pretty. I think I might be developing an overeating disorder. I will tell myself “this is ridiculous…I’m gonna start eating a little less” and my brain immediately seems to say “don’t you dare put any restraints on me…I’m gonna eat everything up in this motherf##ker” And thats exactly what I do.

So now I’m 30. I’m trapped in my dying parent’s home. I’m still desperately in love with a man that doesn’t love me back. I eat too much and I nickel and dime my paychecks away.

I want to handle these things better. I want to be loved.

Dirty Little Thoughts

So I’ve been married for 4 years and been with him longer. I’m an OK wife and mother….no way close to perfect though. He has a friend that’s staying with us for close to 2 months now. The thing is, I’ve been having random sexual thoughts about other guys before he came here but now that there’s actually someone here, all my thoughts are projected to him. I can’t help the fact that I feel something for him after all this time. We have a couple conversations here and there…nothing sexual though. Then yesterday I saw him looking at me differently. When he thinks I’m not looking, I see him looking. I’m getting really uncomfortable about this because it has never happened before but at the same time it feels soo good. I have the willpower to not do anything with him but a tiny part of me wants soo badly to know how he feels. I can’t wait for him to leave.

Am i really that bad of a person?

I have been married 5 years now, I’m quite young and try my best to be the best wife possible to my husband. Two years ago i left him because of a lot of issues we were having ( i don’t really want to go into to much detail about it, we were both at fault though it had nothing to do with infidelity) After 6 months apart and him going to counseling we got back together, it’s not really been the same but it hasn’t been totally awful, a month ago i met someone casual on a site (not a dating site mind you, i don’t do that) we hit it off and became fast friends, one night after i had come home from the bar with some friends i went online to check email and chat with other friends before going to sleep,he was on and we got into a really deep conversation about one another and how we both were starting to develop feelings for one another.. very strong ones in fact. Time passed and as much as i didn’t want to admit it i was quite sure i was falling in love with him, i know how wrong that is because i gave myself to my husband and no one else, he knows that i am married as well. We talk everyday and i am overwhelmed with guilt but i can’t stop talking to him.. i have never in my life met someone who makes me heart race and my head sing.It’s not fair to either of them for me to be doing this, i find myself stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I feel so damn awful but so elated and thankful for meeting this man at the same time. I have no idea what to do, i know i can’t keep going on like this though.

fattycakes

i wish i wasnt so over weight, i try as hard as i can, and yet i dont. my mom calls me beautiful everyday and the second i start to really believe it, i look at my stomach, arms, legs, and hips and see why no one else has ever called me beautiful.

Im not ready to marry and settle down..

We are getting married in five months, buying a home shortly and all I want to do is run. Im so scared it wont work out because all the relationships around us have failed. I dont want to loose him but sometimes I want to stop being so mature in life and act like the irresponsible drinking 20 some year old that my friends are all doing. I also cant stop sexting my ex and thinking how he was better in bed and missing it…

Idiot………

I don’t know what to say…3 yrs ago I knew that I cared enough about you to marry you. Yet I have lied to you to your face and have hurt you. The times I lied to your face, dispelling overwelming evidence that I cheated, used to sting a little bit before that point. This time was different, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and told you a partial truth to preserve our relationship. I have hurled 4 times, I cant eat, I cant sleep, and I cant stop thinking about how much I love you/cant live with out you. I’m sorry I slept with her, and the others. I’m even more sorry that I inadvertandtly embaressed you in front of other people with the form of evidence in your possesion. Being seperated for months at a time made me weak, and willing to sleep with all these other girls(double digit amount) for selfish pleasure needs. I feel like a scumbag, coward pussy ass bitch, for not being a man willing to tell the whole truth. You know I take marrital vows seriously, and would have/will never let this happen while we were married or engaged. I will never be this kind of man again.
I love her, havent cheated in years and hope she never finds this.

Cant take it..

Im eighteen year old girl and ive delt with depression in my past. Im starting to feel that way again, but when i confess it to certain people around me they dont take me seriously. and they are 100% against taking pills. i feel like they will only care after im gone.what do i do?