7 years no proposal, my eye is wondering

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years and we’ve lived together for 5 years. We’re both 25 and he’s graduated from college and I’m about to graduate from grad school and I moved away from my family to be with him during college. I love him so much but he doesn’t seem to want to marry me. All he wants to do it play MMORPGs with stupid people. I even bought a subscription to the game because thats the only way he would really talk to me and spend time with me and prevent fights. Recently I quit the game and we are clashing again. When I bring it up he shuts down and says he’s not married and doesn’t know when he will be. When I see my friends getting proposed to and married and pregnant it makes me cry. I want to marry him and have his children and grow old with him but I really do not see it happening.
Recently I’ve been talking to a guy I knew in high school. He’s so amazing and I admit my eye is wondering as much as I love my boyfriend. I drove 100 miles to go have lunch with the guy from my high school and I sort of hoped it turned into something more. It didn’t because he wants to honor my relationship and he says he doesn’t want me to leave my boyfriend for him. I think it’s because he thinks if I’m doing this with my current relationship what will stop me in a new relationship.

I’m so screwed.

He’s in so much pain and it’s giving me so much F****** joy!

He broke my heart almost a year ago and I’ve barely gotten over the searing pain.
Somebody broke his heart and I’m ******* on air! Now you feel what you caused me! All the tears! All the heartache! I hope you contemplate suicide like I did.

I’m fine and you’re not! When you need me to comfort you the most I’m not there like I was! When I needed you, you didn’t care! Well bastard, I don’t give a rat’s ass about you!

All the happiness you took away from me when you left is now taken away from you by someone else! It’s only fair you asshole!

You ****** up my life. Now you’re silenced to feel the misery alone like I was! No one wants to hear your bullshit, they didn’t want to hear mine.

You are the WORST mistake I ever made!

I am OVER you ***** *********.

I lied

I made up a fake addiction to get attention. I told everyone I did meth. I wrote in class, I shook. I stayed up for days and ate zip. Everyone believed me. The love of my life left me because he found of that I was a “meth head” he never knew that I lied. No one does. Everyone still thinks I used to do it. I lost 40 pounds from a fake addiction. I feel horrible about it. I miss him. He was the best thing that ever entered my life. This was a horrible thing to do, But I am an attention whore.
What do you think?
Please no bad comments, I feel horrible enough.

Im so tired

My name is Andrea and im 17. I live with my boyfriend who physically abuses me on a daily basis. I moved in with him because my step father was sexually abusing me for almost 10 years.
My mother believes me, but i know she has anger towards me because i was forced to have sex with her husband..

I literally have no one.
I feel alone.
I have no where to go.

I think about suicide all the time but i know im too scared to do it.

All i really want is for someone to really love me.
Really and TRULY love me.

Where are you?

My mother- the prostitute meth head. I have not talked to her since my 7th birthday when she promised me a barbie dream house. Which I did not get. Last time I saw her, I was about a year old. Her “boyfriend” at the time beat the living hell out of me and the court took me away.

What I would really like to know is

How can she leave her child, abandon her. Does she ever think about me? I wonder if I ever cross her mind.

I’m sorry I wasn’t better than any drug, Mom.

I am suffering and nobody knows

I have been severely depressed for the last 7 years of my life. I’ve suffered from extreme social phobia, moderate ocd, and recently found out I have aspergers syndrome. I have no friends, no social life, and it’s only getting worse. Nobody in my family knows of this, and I’ve kept it a secret from everyone. I just suffer in silence, waiting until I can finally die. I’m barely able to keep a job and I’m going to be forced to drop out of college because I can’t handle being around people. I’m 23 and I’ve never been in a real relationship. I just sit in isolation, day after day, wondering why I’m still alive.

I am sad…I want to die

I hurt myself at work almost a year ago. It was a back injury, I haven’t been the same ever since. I have been under a lot of stress at work and I know thats how I pulled a muscle. Since then I had major depression, anxiety, and just recently tested positive for an auto immune disease and am in even more pain. My doctor ignores me, so do my friends (they are also in the medical field) I feel so alone. I cry everyday because I am in pain and I know now that my life will never be the same. I want to die and I don’t know who to turn to. live in a small town and everyone knows everyone. If I try to get help word will get out, and I am not emotionally prepared to deal with it. I have a husband and a son, bu they don’t understand what I am going through…If they weren’t in my life I would throw myself into the ocean. My life will never be the same nor will I. I thought that posting this would make me feel better, but I can’t stop crying. I still want to die.

I cheat on my wife plain and simple

Hello all, basically I have been with the same woman since 17 yrs old, I’m 36 now and we have two children. She is pretty good fun on the whole and I try and give her the best of every thing.
The problem is I work away from home on ships and rigs and if the opportunity presents it’s self I will have a one night stand. This has been going on and off over the years, some times with long periods (5yrs or more)with out. Recently I have had sex with women, some paid for, and I feel I can’t go on like this, I know I will end up ruining my family and I do love my wife.
I need to stop before I do permanent damage to my marriage or worse and so I can feel good about my self again and get on with life, I don’t even enjoy it and have to get a little drunk for courage.

I realy don’t know why I do it but think it is the excitement which scares me. I really want to stop and I know it is down to me.

I have never told any one about this so do you think counseling will help? does any one know if there is there a discussion forum I can use to talk about this.

Stuck between

This month I met two nice gentlemen named _____ and _____. The bad part is they both like me. I text them everyday and the worst part is…they don’t know about each other. I’m going to see one of them this week and something will obviously happen and the other guy I saw him yesterday. He’s a senior an all my friends think he’s gorgeous. They’re both really nice guys but I can’t choose between them. I don’t want them to find out about each other because I don’t want to hurt any of them.

death

im a 19 year old male that has a great life but every once in awhile i watch something or hear something that makes me think about dying and what happens after you die. Im a strong believer in god and would not doubt that he is here with us but i still feel like when i die i will be in a void of eternity. trapped in my own head without thought or emotion and just in total darkness. it makes me feel like i cant die and have to live forever. Which is not what i want. i feel trapped every time this topic comes up and i dont feel right thinking about this because i feel as if i have betrayed my religion even though im not a die hard church goer or follower

Am i not being a good christian or and i having similar problems as others idk but i just wanted to see if anyone else had similar thoughts or concerns about this.

I am the product of incestual rape between my father and his daughter

I love him, but im angrey
my mother lied through ommission for 16 years he raped her.. of course, tortured her, As much as i understand this i still cried when she told he had died 9 months earlier, in our one and only conversation about him.
He may have hurt her but he did NO wrong to me, he gave me life and 75 percent of my dna. I carry within all he is.. he was a diagnosed psychopath. under the guise of my mothers face. she’ll never say it but shes never loved me the same and as deeply wished for another child since i was born.
Here is what i have to say:
MOTHER!! yes you, bitch. after all this crap, all these years, and tears, all the anger and mistrust, the bruises,the blood splilt, the cold nights when i slept on benches. the drugs and the hate most of all. you took what rightfully mine… my mind its gone and its not coming back the betrayal is what i cannot stand through so this is the end of me. you can always have another one.

Hate being a mom full time and all my inner me

I love my baby, he is just 7 months old. But some time like know I fill that I am not good mom, and that is because I don’t like to be.
I really miss my life my time, and my body.
My husband is so good, these days, I think he still feel guilty because he cheated on me two years ago. Well, and I have to admit, I can’t forget neither forgive yet.
We moved to USA exactly a month after I found out his affair and all his cruel mind games he played on me.
Any way, I decided to continue our plan to came to USA so he can study a master, eventually go back to Mexico.
He found a job in USA, so we have stayed here, for now.
But I feel so bad, about all:

+I miss my self-esteem because I allowed to cheated on me and continue together. I have to confess: he is the must amaizing man I have ever met. JUST PERFECT (just a hair in the soup)
+I have troubles with my english proficiency and I cant make new friends, in this new city I moved to.
+The baby is not helping, keeping me busy 24/7. He still waking every 2 hrs during the day.
+I can’t work, visa issues, so I feel so unproductive
+I hate the house chores, I miss my mexican maid
+I don’t have energy to change my negative energy to get out of this black deep hole.
+I am so obsessive trying to be perfect mom, it just frustrated me. I set my goals to high.
+Hate my stretch marks and extra pounds (accumulated all in my wrist)happy
+Constantly afraid to lose my husband this time for good.

= I feel useless, stupid, frustrated, negative, fat, ugly, low respect for myself.

I am so afraid of all this that I change for a family with my cheating husband would end in what I see eminent in the long term. He, again, with a young beautiful perfect girl happy forever. And me with non economical support, no friends, no family around, no career, no life, a son with his own life.

Oh my god, this is the first time I visit this web. I saw some post and wonder how people write so long. Now I started to write and I can’t stop, I just have so much bad feelings inside. My baby don’t deserve this sour mom.

I have all the theory of how to be better, but I really want to know how to put all this in practice. I don’t know what to expect from you stranger posters.

I am realizing that I should find help, but I have tray psychologist once, and it was not useful. I tried psychiatric and neither worked. What next?