And I’m not the only one…

I don’t believe my stepson is my husband’s biological child. They look nothing alike. And there is a family “joke” going around that my stepson was really fathered by my husband’s 2nd cousin – as they favor each other so much. (This joke is not very funny, especially when you take into account all the flirting that goes on between the ex-wife and the cousin, … Continue reading And I’m not the only one…

Lifelong Ghost

If anyone is reading this, I assume it’s a member of law enforcement because people in general always want to know “why” even when it doesn’t matter. I am not going to go into every gory detail but instead will just give a few shining examples. By the way, despite what you read here, I don’t blame anyone but MYSELF for my issues/problems/mistakes or self destructive behaviors.

For starters, my “parents” (who I would normally refer to as the “sperm and egg donors”) should never have married ANYone, let alone each other, and then never should have compounded the problem by having kids. There were both verbally and physically abusive; in particular my dad since he dealt out the corporal punishment, using his belt or a switch off a tree. Mom was more of the verbally abusive and belittling type although she never intervened during a beating and instead chose to watch it. Even after the ‘rents separated/divorced mom would call dad with a complaint over some minor infraction and he would come over and beat me and/or my bro. As for reasons for the abuse, my brother was the troubled kid but I never got into any trouble, got good grades etc. so it’s more like they both went looking for any excuse to “get off” on a beating. Otherwise, we were pretty much ignored.

School was not a safe haven, either. I was the poster child for the phrase “painfully shy”. Starting right off in kindergarden I was teased and made fun of on a daily basis, probably because of my lazy eye and very damaged front teeth. My eyes should have been operated on long before I started school but I wasn’t worth the money. My teachers basically told the ‘rents that I HAD to have sugery or they were going to report them so I finally had the surgery I needed at age seven, by which time I had lost a good deal of vision in my left eye. I then had to wear a “pirate patch” on my right eye to strengthen my left which of course left me wide open for teasing. My front teeth were badly damaged at about the same age when I pulled a dresser over on top of me. They stayed that way until I paid to get them fixed at age 28. Again, not worth the money. Once the kids at school had me targeted as the class scape goat it continued through all 12 grades. Teasing, harrassment, punching, tripping, hair pulling, etc; I had tacks on my classroom seats, had lunch trays dumped on me, had rocks thrown at me, once I was even shoved down the stairs. When I was in elementary school I told my mom some of what was going on and she basically told me to “quit being such a baby, quit whining, take care of it yourself” so I stopped telling anyone. This is why it was so hard for me to open myself up to trust anyone because I learned that I couldn’t trust ANYone, not even the two people a child should be able to trust. Thankfully, I remember very little about the first 18 years of my life.

Continue reading “Lifelong Ghost”