The Virgin

I’m a 34 years man and I’m still a virgin. Hell, I’ve never even kissed a woman. And I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that I’ll never lose my virginity because women don’t like to screw virgins.

You call me fat

Ever since I was 13 I have had a screwed up relationship with food.

My sister is younger than me, taller than me and a natural size zero.
I am 5’4 and a size 6

I am constantly compared to her. I have always been the fat one in the group. I am always looked down upon.

I wish people knew that I have been bulimic since I was 14. I can’t be home by myself without eating constantly and throwing up. Sometimes up to 3 times a day. I told the docter and she laughed at me. Apparntly I don’t look bulimic.

If only they knew I was that girl who goes to the gym for two hours, binges on protein bars and throws it up in the gym toilets.

Am I too young to love?

I am a young (Just about 15) and always liking different girls every year, but two years ago a girl got my attention and i have not been able to think about anyone else. She Beautiful (Not Hot, Sexy, or Delicious), and this year we go to different schools, so contact has dropped drastically from the point were we hung out every day after school to just barely seeing her on Facebook. She’s smart, clever, fashionable, sweet, and even a bad girl if she wants too. I would rake a bullet for her and lay down my life for her safety. I know you are thinking I am too young but unlike most people I have been known to be cunning and to think things to the fullest. She is like a drug to me and I don’t want to stay sober.

And I’m not the only one…

I don’t believe my stepson is my husband’s biological child.

They look nothing alike. And there is a family “joke” going around that my stepson was really fathered by my husband’s 2nd cousin – as they favor each other so much. (This joke is not very funny, especially when you take into account all the flirting that goes on between the ex-wife and the cousin, even though they are both married to other people.)

Even as a baby, my stepson has never even had a glimmer of resemblance to my husband. But did he look like the cousin? SPITTING IMAGE.

My husband’s ex wife is not totally stable, and I would not put it past her to have cheated.

I feel like a terrible person because I love my stepson with all my heart. I love my husband with all my heart. But the snide remarks are too much. I want to know for sure.

But then…what would I do if I found out that he isn’t my husband’s child?

Selfish

I love my husband, but I love another man as well. I want them both. Maybe I don’t know how to be happy. I feel guilty for hurting this man I care so much for, and I feel like I’m betraying my husband for having such strong feelings for someone else. Why am I doing this to all of us?

Wondering

I wonder almost consistently what people’s reactions would be if I died. Many times the people I talk to just wouldn’t care, but for the few people I have connections to, I wonder who would actually shed a single tear.

Roommate

I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. With his room mate sleeping 5 feet away… I think he was sleeping.

I Want to come clean

These are the things that I wanted to come clean about.

As a child if my parents and I would get in a huge fight resulting in my dad giving me a butt whooping I would go outside to my swing set and jump off of it onto my legs until my legs were bruised. That was when I was 8. Last year when I entered middle school everything was fine until this year began. Right now I am in seventh grade. At the beging of the year my favorite band director quit because a senior was sending him text messages that were not appropriate. He would have gotten fired anyway. He left me a letter saying why he quit and that he was sorry. This year My mother forced me into a high language class and a high math class. I diddn’t understand anything in the math class and usually had to leave class early from the stress I was faced with. Before Winter break I changed Math classes since there was somehow an open class. When I had a study hall every Wenesday the school Counsler would come talk to me. In band I would sometimes have panic attacks and a couple times on the way to the Clinic I would end up fainting because we had pop quizzes on song that I had no clue on how to play since I usually spent 7 hours on homework a night mostly trying to figure out my math. I diddn’t make it on the honor role for the first quarter of the school year. I’ve been an all A and B student since we started getting letter grades. the second quarter I got a D in all of my classes execpt band. This year my dog also died.
A coule times since the first quarter I’ve thought about killing myself. I have also developed EDNOS or Earing Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. I have also considered purging (making yourself throw up). Every night after I finnish my homework I go to my room and review the days events and after that I usually cry my self to sleep. I have also gotten high once.

If anyone has anything mean to say about the above please don’t say it.

Lifelong Ghost

If anyone is reading this, I assume it’s a member of law enforcement because people in general always want to know “why” even when it doesn’t matter. I am not going to go into every gory detail but instead will just give a few shining examples. By the way, despite what you read here, I don’t blame anyone but MYSELF for my issues/problems/mistakes or self destructive behaviors.

For starters, my “parents” (who I would normally refer to as the “sperm and egg donors”) should never have married ANYone, let alone each other, and then never should have compounded the problem by having kids. There were both verbally and physically abusive; in particular my dad since he dealt out the corporal punishment, using his belt or a switch off a tree. Mom was more of the verbally abusive and belittling type although she never intervened during a beating and instead chose to watch it. Even after the ‘rents separated/divorced mom would call dad with a complaint over some minor infraction and he would come over and beat me and/or my bro. As for reasons for the abuse, my brother was the troubled kid but I never got into any trouble, got good grades etc. so it’s more like they both went looking for any excuse to “get off” on a beating. Otherwise, we were pretty much ignored.

School was not a safe haven, either. I was the poster child for the phrase “painfully shy”. Starting right off in kindergarden I was teased and made fun of on a daily basis, probably because of my lazy eye and very damaged front teeth. My eyes should have been operated on long before I started school but I wasn’t worth the money. My teachers basically told the ‘rents that I HAD to have sugery or they were going to report them so I finally had the surgery I needed at age seven, by which time I had lost a good deal of vision in my left eye. I then had to wear a “pirate patch” on my right eye to strengthen my left which of course left me wide open for teasing. My front teeth were badly damaged at about the same age when I pulled a dresser over on top of me. They stayed that way until I paid to get them fixed at age 28. Again, not worth the money. Once the kids at school had me targeted as the class scape goat it continued through all 12 grades. Teasing, harrassment, punching, tripping, hair pulling, etc; I had tacks on my classroom seats, had lunch trays dumped on me, had rocks thrown at me, once I was even shoved down the stairs. When I was in elementary school I told my mom some of what was going on and she basically told me to “quit being such a baby, quit whining, take care of it yourself” so I stopped telling anyone. This is why it was so hard for me to open myself up to trust anyone because I learned that I couldn’t trust ANYone, not even the two people a child should be able to trust. Thankfully, I remember very little about the first 18 years of my life.

(more…)

I want my childhood back

When I was thirteen I lost my virginity to a 24 year old. We would still keep in contact and after all the years have gone by I always wondered how it would be like if we were able to have a chance to be together since it wasn’t possible when I was at that age…up until last Sunday. I found out that he was arrested for having sex with a 15 year old girl and having naked pictures of her on his computer. Same things expressed in the news made me flashback to when he did the same things to me. I have never felt so disgusted and wish I would have never knew that ever happened. I am now 24, the age he took away my childhood and wonder what the hell was he thinking… what the hell was I thinking? I feel so ashamed knowing that he is part of my history and wish I could take it back. Makes me wonder if I was the first or were there others before me. He is supposed to be getting 25 years in prison. If I would have gone to authorities back then he would still be in prison right now and him repeating his patterns would have never happened. I wish I had someone to talk to about this but I am so embarrassed and disgusted of myself that I don’t think my family or my boyfriend will understand.

Lost

At 36 I have no idea who i’am. In a marriage that is pointless. In love with a married man. Addicted to meth (still). What the hell happened to me?

Swinger

How do I tell my husband I would like to venture out in to the swinger lifestyle. We need to revive our sex life cause it has died. Mostly because he refuses to acknowledge the fact he can’t last longer than 2 minutes unless he has been drinking. His ego won’t allow him to go see a doctor and get the little blue pill for my sake. I have tried various things to spice things up, watching porn, dressing up role playing, and various other porn star acts. He gets his but I am left disappointed.