Doing the right thing is so hard!

I know it’s wrong! It’s not meant to be, people have to make choices and my choice was to get married. Granted no one should make that choice at 22 but there you go, what’s done is done. Nearly 10 years down the line plus 2 kids can’t turn back the clock now.

We are a bit like strangers, living in the same house, well that is when you are home. Even when you are home you are up stairs sleeping and watching porn. You demand sex when it suits you, now romance and wants things I don’t like to do. You call me boring and dull. I can’t remember when last you said you loved me. You share your bed with her every other night and says it means nothing….. that you are just sleeping. And though I might believe you on that count, it still hurts my feelings. You never want to talk to me or go for walks or spend any time with me. In fact if you could never spend time with me you would be happy.

You come home and demand to be fed, when it’s not to your exact specifications you lose it. I’m here to watch your kids, even if you consider me to be a bad mom and pick up after you.

Do you blame me for falling for him? He talks to me and laughs at my jokes and thinks I’m funny and kind. He looks at me with eyes that say a thousand words. He makes my skin tingle and give me butterflies.

Yet for the sake of the boys I decided to stay with you, I’m not going to ruin their lives by being the bad mother who left their wonderful dad for some other guy.

Now I never see him and we hardly talk, I miss him so much. He told me to save my marriage, that we are not meant to be but when I see him my heart aches.

Do you know what I’ve given up? Do I know what I’ve given up? Was he my chance to be loved and appreciated?

If only you would be kinder and more loving I might feel this is all worth while, even if only for the boys. I hope that I don’t regret this all one day when I end up all alone with no one to love and no one to love me….

I’m so in love with this other man it’s breaking my heart!
I have decided to do the right thing but it’s hard cause you don’t treat me the way I deserve, the way he’s shown me I can be treated…. and that without even having sex with him.

Lonely

I never was like this but lately I’ve been feeling so insecure. I only have a handful of friends which I know love me but I am afraid to meet new people. I say I love meeting new people but it’s not true. The whole time I am getting to know them I am always worried whether they like me or not. I am too generous at times and am always worried about getting advantage of so I keep to myself in every way. I try to be very extroverted but I know it’s all fake which bothers me. I always think everyone I meet hates me until other wise assured. I dont know why I care whether someone likes me or not but I am jealous of people who have a ton of friends. When I feel sad or lonely, I tend to push my true friends away. I even moved to get a fresh new start but I am more scared and even more lonely. I want to just accept myself the way I am without changing but what I want seems impossible without pretending to be someone I am not.

Roger the Doger

I have been cheating on my wife (prev. partner) for over 10 years – (we have been married for 8)with multiple women. some were short term (one night to a few meetings) and some were long term – up to 5 years being the longest.
i travel the country with my job, and find excitement in sleeping with a different women wherever i go.
we have children together, and i still love my wife, but she doesnt give me the same sexual thrill that sleeping with random women does.

I’m in love with a man nearly twice my age

I’ve known him for 5 maybe 6 years. What started out as a friendship has grown in something completely unexpected. But the fact that we are about 24 years apart is disturbing to most people. It’s ok with me because when I am with him the age just doesn’t seem to be an issue. We have so much fun and are perfect for each other. The age difference keeps me from telling about him to other people because I don’t want to deal with the reaction they will have. My closest friends know about him and have accepted it without question but I can’t make new friends without keeping this a secret. He’s my parents’ age but he looks a lot younger so when they see him they don’t think about it too much. But if they don’t know him and ask me questions, I always feel like I have to lie about everything. Over time I have gotten comfortable about it but I am still not as comfortable as he is. He has kids that know and like me. I have had a lot of getting used to but I am still embarrassed that people are telling me I can “do better”. I wonder if I am attractive enough for a guy my age? But even if I could, I don’t want to be with anyone else but him. I am just so confused.

I am relieved when I hear of death

Firstly, I’m not heartless. I’m just a practical person that know full well that this earth is over populated. And at the rate we’re going, there will be nothing for our grandchildren, let alone the rest of the whomever is left.

When I hear about someone’s baby, child, mother, whatever dying, I am secretly relieved and feel like congratulating them on their loved one’s bit to make the world a better place. Of course, I don’t do this.

I am fine with dying myself knowing there’s one less person for the fragile earth to support. What needs tohappen is that old folks need to die and people, especially poor, uneducated one, need to have much fewer babies. None, if possible. This is eugenics. Look it up. Very controversial but I think quite helpful in this state were in.

waking up with wolves

I have severe trust and abandonment and jealusy issues

Ironically the only women i ever connect with and really feel anything for are women who i know will cheat, play, leave and hurt me.

i cant stand u

u cheated on me twice nd broke my cheek bone.how wud u ever expect me to still love u. i hate being around u. i stay with u only because we just had a child. secretly i wanna leave. i still tlk to my exes still tlk to random guys but i cant stand u so idun care

I can’t say this to you yet, but I can’t stand to look at you or myself right now

While you were away I looked on your laptop for your online chat logs, I wanted to know what you were saying to one of your female friends, who I know you have a thing for. Ever since I found that online chat conversation I’ve felt sick and haven’t been able to sleep or concentrate. I know the sick things you said to her, how talking to her turns you on, and shamelessly discussing sexual fantasies, about how you wore my underwear while I was out and would never tell me, you lightheartedly mention to her that you’re sex starved since i’ve been away (I’ve been away for only a couple of days, every time I leave you go back to this, and not just with her!) you talk to her about the sex we have, you tell her that a man you ‘used to talk to’ has just started talking to you again and the picture you used as your ‘display picture’ when talking to him was one of your ass. Then you send her that picture. I can’t forget the conversation. I can’t forget the way you talk to her so naturally, as if it’s perfectly normal, and insert smiley faces in the text as if you’re just chatting to an old friend instead of having cyber sex.
You were in the library that evening, ‘doing work’. Does that always involve this kind of shit? We’re engaged, and I can’t look at your face anymore. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to talk about this, i’m not sure I want to. I feel so embarrassed and confused. I know that everytime I go away for a few days you do this. You have no morals at all it seems, every woman you talk to you look at her afterwards as if you want to **** her. The internet is your pal in this; you use ‘social networking sites’ to flirt, and tell women they look sexy, and you think I don’t know any of this, when we’re together it’s so nice, we’re so close and I consider you my best friend, we’re so alike and yet the difference is, I don’t spend all my time away from you lusting after others. I can’t trust you anymore, and you can’t trust me now can you because I snooped about on your computer, I knew you were saying things to her and I wanted to know what.
The worst part is I feel so alone. I have one other person who I can call a friend, you have many who you can turn to. My family is already broken, and getting together with you for a second time split it even more, that wasn’t your fault, but you know how ******* alone I am. You must think that i’ll always be here, no matter how you ******* treat me. You said when we got engaged that you wouldn’t do stuff like this anymore, that in your previous relationships (including one with me) you would hook up the webcam and masturbate to an audience of men and women, it turned you on. You told me you were bisexual and how it made you feel and I promised you i’d never leave you for it, that it didn’t matter. you took that and you abused it. You promised me you were done with internet exhibitionism, and you can act to me like you are, but you’re not, I know you’re not, i’ve seen it. How could you lie?? And you can laugh and talk to this woman about how I wouldn’t like you meeting up with her, and you’re so eager to please other women, you make no ******* effort for me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know what to say anymore, I just know that I can’t stand to look at you or be in the same bed. I feel sick. There’s no trust in this anymore, for either of us. I just want to go back and never meet you, so much of my life has been about you, and I want it back. I want to be alone now.

Feeling guilty !

So I had a boyfriend 5 years ago. After we broke up, I was willing to do anything to get him back. We didn’t really have contact anymore. He never returned any of my emails, and if he did, he wasn’t being really nice or didn’t write much. I was wondering about his life without me. Did he have a new girlfriend? Did he ever think of me? So I made up a fake account and talked to him on msn. I pretended this fake girl was a good friend of mine. So that’s how I chatted with him, secretly hiding behind this fake account. He started to like this fake girl, but I kept telling him how great the real me was. And I even ended up sending naked pictures of myself. How stupid was I? And the worst part is, that he started talking to me again. He asked me how that (fake) friend of my got naked pictures of me. And then, we talked more often and we became friends again! I stopped using the fake account, but I never told him that it was fake. It still bothers me, I know I was wrong, I really feel guilty and I regret it. But I’m not sure if I can tell him or no. I wrote a letter, a letter where I explain everything to him. But I didn’t send it to him (yet). Should I do it, or just try to forget about it?

Dreams (Good or Bad) ??????

I am sure i’m straght because the thought of being with a guy just makes me feel amazeing and I have a crush on a boy at school.
But lately I been havein dreames about this girl at school In the year below. I know she is straight as she has a boyfriend In my year.
I really do like guys but everytime I see her I get the same kind of feeling about her as I do with guys. When we sit near each other to chat with friends I cant help but think about her in my dreams which get weirder and stranger everytime I have one.
After these dreams I cant help but think about her and about how fucked up I am.
when the dreams first started I bearly even knew who she was I bearly knew she exsited.
I’m 17 and think i should be beond the age of silly dreams but in some way i am disapointed when i have a night without them.

Im so confused abuot what to think
I dont know what is going on in my own head
please someone hlpe me!!

I’m going to hell

I’ve been playing with someone’s feelings. This person thinks he loves me and I love him. I don’t feel anything for him. I’m only having fun. I know it’s wrong but it’s very addictive. I’ve tried to stop but I can’t and he’s so infauted. I don’t feel guilty but I feel like I should.

the unbearable burden of weight

I am scared to relapse into anorexia.

I really don’t want to.

I really don’t want to be back at the point I was. I remember hospital floors, the ceiling of my kitchen when I was lying on the floor and couldn’t get up. I remember threads of thought tangled, tied up with a measuring tape, clogged with food and scales. Having to lie to my loved ones.
People say I was thin, then. I wouldn’t know. I never saw.

But they say I gained weight now.
This guy I like says I’m slightly chubbier than he’d like. I played it lightly. He didn’t say it to be mean and I do get it, but I didn’t want to come off as a nagging bitch, so I didn’t say how much it really hurt.

It scares me. And I want back.
I don’t know what to think.