drinking….

i drink way to much and it is messing everything up for me…..i call people i dont want to i spend way to much money…and this is almost an everyday thing…i dont know how i can stop my self…

I Dont Want To Know If You Just Didnt Want Me

I looked for the man who left my mother while pregnant with me.
He has a wife (who he was too married befor i was born) and 2 children (both older then me) that i know of.
Im terrified of talking to him incase he tells me that he knew about and for the past 20 years didnt bother with me because i wasnt worth it.
My mother doesnt even know that i looked. I dont want her to feel betrayed.
I havent even told my best friend.
I dont know what to do if you tell me to go away.

Not Guilty

I got back together with an old flame a few years ago. We started off with emails and chatting and then I went to where he lives and we ignited our love for each other. After more than 2 decades, it was still there. He is married with 4 kids and I am married with 2 kids. I went back to him 6 months later and 2 more times after that. Everytime we were together was better than the last time. I don’t feel guilty for doing this. And I plan on continuing with this relationship.

I want to be me again.

I hate me life. I dont know what I want to be and I hate the fact that Im not in college yet because I have a son with autism. I hate the fact that my husband isnt supportive of me and I hate the fact that he’s cheated on me with his best friends gf. I hate the fact that when hes stressed i encourage him to smoke weed. I hate the fact that we always budget in a bag of weed and beer for him while I get nothing. I hate the fact that Im 25 and in love with my husband and I’s best friend. I hate the fact that Im trying to lose weight for my husband and myself and I still wish someone would kidnap me. I often fantasize about someone cloraforming me where I walk and carving Isnt she pretty on my stomach.Or carving beautiful into my forehead. I think about this all the time. I also think about something happening to me so I can see if he actually cares. Dont get me wrong I love my husband and my kids im just sick of having to be happy all the time and being everyone’s support system. I want to be selfish. I want to have the life I dreamed of for me when I was little and I want the bitch he cheated on me with to DIE! I want to stop being suspicious and sick to my stomach and I want to feel like me again not some depressed bitch. I want to cry rivers and drowned her in them. No one knows how depressed I really am and Im tired of hiding it, my husband thinks depression in an act to get attention. But Im really sad and for alot of good reasons. I sometimes fantasize about killing myself because it sounds great. If I werent here he would get to finally see what its like to be me. Going to all the therapies Dr’s appts and the day to day struggle of making ends meet with one income. I want to be happy again.

I know I can’t play both sides..

I have been struggling with bi sexuality for a long time, I have a wonderful girlfriend, but shes doesn’t know I’m doing what I’m doing, im messing around with dudes behind her back, and I want to quit but i don’t know where to turn, I feel trapped and stuck. I want to quit I feel such conviction I dont know where to turn, please God help me I want out.

The ‘In love with my best friend’ thing

I am gay and disabled and I have been in love with my best friend (he\’s not gay)since we were 14, I was in love with him before I knew it, he knew how I felt, I told him. His reaction? Nothing! At the time I wished he had hit me, that at least would have been a reaction. Months later he said quietly “Are you still in love with me?”, I said “What?” then he said “Oh I was just talking to myself.”. But I told him that I would always love him. Nothing. Afterwards we had an intense, undefinable, nonsexual relationship for many years, the \’in love\’ thing was not mentioned again. He hid me away from his family.
After years I broke up with him because I thought it was the best thing to do… for him. The worst mistake of my life! I broke my own heart! I thought I would get over it but I never have. It\’s like something in me stopped working or like, without him, I turned to ice! I didn\’t expect to feel like that.

He got married but is divorced now.
My feelings for him have never changed. I miss him so much!

A few weeks ago, out of the blue, he contacted me and said he wanted to see me but now he\’s putting it off.
After all these years I STILL love him!

I want him back in my life! Just as a friend, I don\’t care! I just want him back!

Im afraid I’m going to kill someone

a year ago i found my girlfriend had been raped by her stepdad multiple times.. she has no contact with any of them now but i still sometimes see him at the store or something… ive tried getting over it.. but.. idk.. im sure plenty of people have wanted to kill others.. but there’s a point in your head.. something snaps.. its gone beyond a desire.. its something i fear i’d actually do.. and im torn between wanting justice.. and not wanting prison…

injured

Sometimes i wish that i would end up in hospital, so that i could find out who really cares for me and who doesnt.

I feel so guilty for cheating on my husband.

A few days ago, I slept with a male friend while my husband was out of town visiting relatives. It only happened, once, I swear, and I did not intend for it to happen. I didn’t set out looking to cheat, it’s something that just happened. We’d had a little to drink. That doesn’t excuse it though. Now, I feel incredibly guilty. I can’t even look at mine and my husband’s bed without getting sick. I love my husband and never planned to betray him. Now, I’m wondering if I should tell. If I do, he may leave me. I wouldn’t blame him if he did. I’m sick to my stomach just thinking about what I did.