My eating disorder has ruined my life…

My eating disorder has ruined my life. I’m down to less than 100lb, and at 5′6 I know its too little. But I cant stop restricting my food and excersizing too much.

I throw up anything I do eat, I’m so afraid of keeping it in my stomach that my body automaticly gets rid of it now…

I am always getting ill, and barely have the energy to move, yet still force myself through my excersize routine.

Its caused me to fail my university course, and lose everyone I was close to once… My eating disorder because my only friend.

I tried to get help and was told by two seperate doctors that because my weight wasnt at critical (about-to-die) level, I couldnt have any help for it…

I hate being me!

Today i turned 19. And i hate being me. I have since i was 15, but every now and then i overlook and hide how much i truly hate myself and then something happens that reminds me that i do.
I realized today that i dont have a lot of friends. there are 4 of them, and i dont like any of them. They treat me badly and only care about themselves.

I\’m fat. And i hate it. I used to weigh 297 lbs. I now weigh 260. I lost most of the weight through eating 400 cals a day and burning 200 of them. i like not eating properly it makes me feel perfect, clean and superior.

I just want to be the girl who i see in my mind. The alternative me. Skinny, pretty, loved. I just want someone there for me who understands and cares. I hate being me so much. My parents hate me. Most parents complain often about there kids. But i cant do anything right. if i do the dishes, im in trouble for not cleaning the living room. thats a shit example but its like that on a daily basis. This birthday has made me remember. and i dont want to be me. I hope i can change. I hope i can be the perfect me.

Another reason to hate my dad and myself

Well today mu dad raped my mother. I was downstairs when that happend. I was so shocked ( still am ), I didn`t know what to do. I was to freaked out to go upstairs. I dont know if it was my place to intervene or not. I was studying downstairs so when I heard my mom pleading my dad to stop because it hurt I just stood near the stairs. I dont know if should have gone up or not. What could have I done ? Instead I just put the tv on so I woudnt hear a thing. And when mom came downstairs I made it look as if I didnt know what had just happend, that I had been studying all this time. My mom had cryed, I could see in her eyes. When my 2-year old brother woke up and my mom brought him downstairs she told him that dad had hurt her. I feel soo damn gulty. I know I should have done at least something. I hate my dad. This isent the first time he as abused my mom. He just-to hit her and then I always comfort my mom. I dont live in America, I live in Eastern-Europe. Things like that are normal here, so yeah I dont know what to do…

hopeless

i am still in love with my ex, who cheated on me many times, and is about to be married for the 2nd time.

gang bang

my girlfriend is going away for 5 days next week and I’ve booked myself in for a gangbang in london. there’s loads of pornstars and escorts attending and I really can’t ******* wait