double life

I have been cheating on my spouse for almost 17 years with my girlfriend, her cousin- I have 2 children,now grown, with my wife and stayed with her for them as the love in our relationship left long ago-I have also been “dad ” to my girlfriends daughters, also grown, since they were small and I am the only father they have known-over the years,I split my time between the two families, but I have always favored my girlfriend and my daughters and I spend less time with my wife and kids and more with my girlfriend and my daughters.I have always felt that my girlfriend and I were meant to be together, and I need to finally make the break as my girlfriend wants me to finally divorce so we can get married..

I hate my friend

secretly hate my friend. She is perfect, well close to it. She has straight A’s, and always comes to school. She doesn’t have any problems with people, and is extremely hilarious. We get along fine but secretly I wish she’d just fail at something, once in here life.

I fantasize about killing people

does anyone else do this?

When people are mean or disrespectful to me, I want to pull out a gun and shoot them in the face. I fantasize about it daily. I don’t know if I’ll ever do it for real.

I wonder if anyone else does this or if I’m just crazy

I don’t even feel guilty

I think my boyfriend likes how laid back and carefree I am, but it’s really just because I don’t love him.

The Fire

When I was young, my brother and I set fire to the church we lived next door to. We were caught trying to put it out with cans of lemonade. It spread and ended up burning our house down. Still, everybody thinks it was an electrical problem in the church. He told me I couldn’t tell anybody so I never did.
I don’t regret it. He means more to me than anyone and it makes me feel closer to him knowing that there is something that we know that nobody else on the planet does.

Throwing up

I am 34 years old and have been binging and purging for 15 years. I hate that I do this and hate that I can’t stop. I don’t feel I have a person I can go to that I can trust and talk to them about my issues. I have 2 kids and a husband and don’t want to die. I’ve prayed and prayed and cried and cried. I hate feeling so helpless about food.

love and lust

After 10 yrs my marital sex life has literally gone to hell. I ran into an old friend a few months ago. One thing lead to another and now we’re trying to hook up at least once a week. I love my husband, but I don’t know if I’m in love with him anymore (it actually hurts to admit that). I know I don’t love the other guy, I know it’s just a friendship that evolved into a sexual relationship. I want more from him though. I shouldn’t since I’m married and he has a girlfriend. I would never leave my husband, he means too much to me and I could never hurt him like that. If he found out he would be devestated. I would never ask my guy friend to leave his girl, but I can’t help but wonder what my life would have been like if I had pursued things 11 yrs. ago. Would I be happily married to a very attractive man, would I have his children, would we have everything my husband and I do and do not have? And of course, how long can this thing last? Another week, another month, another year, the rest of our lives?

I hate my step dad.

I have hated him since my mother married him 32 years ago. Now she is gone and he is married to another. I feel sorry for her. She was dumb for marrying him though. I would have warned her if I had known her. She went and married him before even getting to know him. She probably felt sorry for him but she never should have. He doesn’t deserve sympathy. He is the biggest bastard I have ever known. One of the last things my mother said before she passed was how sorry she was that she made me put up with the asshole.

Now he is old and sick. I am glad. I hope he suffers to his dying day like he made me suffer for 12 years of my life.

i want to be loved

i have a 11 month old baby and i am still fat. my hubby is very caring and i love him to no extent. he is the most important person in my life. i want to spend all the time with him specially on weekends. but of course he wants to go to places w.o me too. i miss him too much when he is not around. he seems happy when i am away from him. he enjoys his mothers and sisters company more than he enjoys mine.. at least that wat it looks like. i want to be loved so badly.. like really loved. like people love each other. he never says “i love u” or any of such stuff. even then he is very caring. looks after me. helps me. what should i do? i want to be loved.

A sign!

Today, I realized that maybe faking being happy for so long has actually helped me. It used to piss me off when people called me sunshiney hippie girl because I was seething on the inside, and nobody knew. Today, though, today was different. I lost my razor so I used the only thing I could find. As it took me 10 minutes to saw a nice deep cut into my arm, I looked at the blood running into the sink and then back at the dull, rusty scissors I did it with. And then I paused for a second… and laughed because I realized that, damnit, it would be just my luck to get tetanus from a decade old safety scissors. Ya, I know. Its horrible. Its disgustingly morbid yet I laughed. And thats how I know I can stop.

Guilty

i got married 6months ago,he is what i ever wanted, the problem is i hav a friend i knew him since 3 years, we are very much close to each other mentally and physically, i love him too…i dont want to cheat on my husband, i love him, and he loves me too.. but what i dont understand why i cant leave my friend, the attraction just never fades away, i feel so helpless. im suffering..can anyone tell me?

The Truth about friendships

It has been 7 year since I was at high school and when my best friend killed himself, the horrible truth is I could have helped him but I did’nt.