Where did I go?

Posted by Anonymous in Spouse on Sep 9th, 2008 | 15 comments

Have you ever had those moments where you look back and can see your self when you were at the peak of adult hood. Not knowing where your life was going to end up? I use to look back every so often and smile. Now I look back and wish for those days again.

I’m married with two wonderful children. I do love my husband but lately I can’t seem to be me. My whole day revolves around my children and my husband. I gave up everything to have this family. I gave up my job ( active duty ) moved around the US for him. I haven’t seen my family for years now. I just recently saw my mother for the first time in a long time. I pretend that everything is great between us but it’s not. Yes I still love him but I miss the way we used to be. I know sex isn’t a big part of a marriage but I need it more then he offers it. Our sex life is down to twice a month and even that is pushing it. I feel like since I’ve gained weight after having two children he doesn’t find me attractive anymore. I’m not the 115lb girl he first met. I’ve changed. I feel like he only stays with me for the kids. Every night when I go to bed I wonder what it would be like to be with a man who is affectionate and romantic hell if spontaneous. I don’t have any of that. No presents on my birthday, V-day or anniversary. Some days he doesn’t kiss me until I am going to bed ( he works nights ). I don’t just want to give up on my marriage but at some point shouldn’t I start doing things to make me happy. I want to make friends yet I lack the motivation to go out and make new friends. I lack the motivation to go to the gym and work out. I need help…maybe this is the first step to being happy…

Pregnant again

Posted by Anonymous in Love on Sep 5th, 2008 | 7 comments

I had a baby when I was 16 and had no boyfriend because daddy decided a baby wasn’t his thing, afterward I continued to sleep around. Finally I had a real boyfriend and he abused me, I finally got out right before he began to hurt my daughter. I went back to sleeping around and never letting anyone love me and definitely not loving anyone else. I always tried to get men to fall in love with me and then cut them lose when they do. Finally someone came along who really genuinely began to love me and I didn’t know how to love him, I had to much hurt so instead I lured him into sleeping with him, taking his virginity and then breaking up with him. He really loved me and I really hurt him… now I think I’m pregnant. Why can’t I love anyone? Why do I treat others like shit to make myself feel better? Why do I do all this behind my daughters back and yet I wouldn’t want her acting like this when she gets older? Why though do I do this to myself? Why do I have no confidence that maybe someone really can love me and not leave me or not be mean to me? Why does it seem like Love can never be real in my life?

Too good a man

Posted by Charlotte, Paris FR in Love on Sep 4th, 2008 | 10 comments

I met my husband through the guy I was dating at the time, and he became my lover. It felt good to be bad. Then he proposed, we went exclusive, moved in together, and he’s been nothing but the sweetest man in the world to me ever since. He tells me he loves me all the time, writes me poems, he finished his education while working two jobs so I wouldn’t have to lift a finger, he spoils me with presents, he’s the most considerate lover I’ve had. He worships me. I love him, but sometimes I realize I liked it better when he was the “wrong” guy, the one I cheated with, the one who asked me to run away with him and never come back. And it’s killing me. He’s perfect and I’m the most ungrateful woman on Earth… but I can’t tell him after so many wonderful years, and we couldn’t live without each other, so I’m holding on. I love him, but not enough.

STD

Posted by Anonymous in Hate on Sep 4th, 2008 | 10 comments

My ex cheated on me and gave me an STD. Now I am so scared that every single time I start to care for someone that they will reject me because of it.

I feel used and dirty and tainted and it isn’t even because I was out slutting around that I got it.

Add to all that, any person I care about and enter in a physical relationship will always be in danger of getting it from me.

I hate this.

There is no sancturary here

Posted by Anonymous in Alone on Sep 1st, 2008 | 3 comments

My father is in the military, my mother is a stay at home mom, and I have a 13 month younger sister. My father dosn’t talk to me much thanks to my loss of spot. My mom and I couldn’t clash more, she sees her life as an episode of the desperate housewives (although she refuses her alligations). And my sister and I are practically at eachothers throats whenever my parents aren’t around. I just moved to the other side of the world, and hate it here. My dad’s pretty high ranked, so I have to lie to everyone who is here when I say that I am indeed enjoying it here. I hate this place, let me go home! I’ve always been rather shy, so when I was finally able to surround myself with good friends I could tell the world to, I felt complete in some way. And now that I’ve been dragged over here… my friends, my real family has started to ignore me. I guess you could consider that being a fake friend, but they wern’t fake. My parents keep trying to get me to make friends over here, but I can’t seem to do that. When I thought I did make a friend, she started to boss me around, make fun of me, and treat my sister badly, and I can’t get away from her. There is no sancturary here. I have no where else to turn.