My shattered futur

I am a 17 year old guy, classified as hot by many… Even though i pretend to be happy and innocent its all fake. I am always hurting inside, constantly. when i was young i was abused not by 1 but 3 people! Once i finally manage to escape 1, the other comes right at along. it started with my uncle, then my older cousin and finally my tutor. I managed to avoid them. However even at my age my uncle and cousin try get to me. i fear being alone with them because due to my past, i am deathly afraid of being raped and i almost become immobilized. I can’t tell a soul. I am ashamed to say anything. Recently, my uncle has been around a lot, bringing back painful memories. HE acts like nothing ever happened… My grades have been dropping and I’ve been loosing myself. i am trying to move on, i am trying to live my life.

but…

Its just not working… and it hurts that i am keeping such a deep secret hidden and my friendships based on a fake cheerful lie.

It’s all too much

It’s all too much to bear.

I stay home with my children, one that has special needs.

Spouse lost job. No income. Doesn’t want me to work either.

I am angry ALL the time.

I think about a relationship from many years ago, frequently.

I scream at the children and just want to be alone.

I am expected to do it all.

I want to run away.

I go into the bathroom and wash my hands and frequently think about grabbing a razor instead.

I had 2 abortions as a teenager, huge regrets.

I don’t like the person i have become. My being feels ugly.

It’s all too much.

It still hurts

My husband raped me. He took advantage of me and, despite my protests, raped me. I stared at the ceiling while he held me down and prayed for it to be over.

I haven’t told a soul till now. A lot of people have asked, point blank, if I’d ever been abused or taken advantage of sexually and I can’t bring myself to admit that it. Even in the vaguest sense. I want so badly to believe that I am one of those women who’d never been raped or exploited. Just now I’m realizing how much it affects me all the time.

I tried to tell myself that he was my husband, so he had the right, but I feel like he took something I can’t get back. And I can’t bring myself to admit that he had that power.

I wish my cancer had killed me

I had cancer within the past few months. It looks as if surgery alone took care of it. Sometimes I wish I had died from the cancer because I feel like I ruin people’s lives around me – my husband’s and my family’s. It would just be easier to be dead.

I am a murderer

Yes, I committed a murder, and no one knows about it, they all thought it was an accident.
I held my 8 years old niece and I threw her from seventh floor, after I tried to abuse her, and she was going to tell my brother-her father-about it, the window was low so they thought she fell while playing.
I run to the bathroom after throwing her and I pretended to get out of it on hearing her screams.
I can’t bare it anymore, I thought many times about killing myself, but I am afraid to do it.
I think confessing will remove some of the load from my heart, but still I am a murderer.

Monotony

I’m young, married, and living overseas with my husband who is in the military. I am stuck here with no opportunities for myself and it all hit me at once. I love my husband dearly, but all I ever fantasize about lately is living on my own, by myself. I want to finish my education, make my own money, splurge on a $300 pair of shoes or $200 jacket and not have to explain it to anyone. I want to travel the world, meet foreign guys and have passionate vacation romances. I want to visit the east coast and find a place I really want to live. I want to work a 9-5 job, be on my feet all day, and party on the weekends. I’m sick of the life I’ve chosen, the life I convinced my parents I wanted. I realize, too late, that I was naive, and now I can’t turn back. It’s depressing.

One Night In College

Back when I was a sophomore in college, I was best friends with my roommate (we still are). One weekend his mom came for a visit. She was pretty cool and went out to the parties with us Friday night. All three of us got very very drunk. My roommate was finally going to hook-up with this little blond girl he had been eying for months so he asked me to take his Mom back to the dorm. I did and ended up hooking up with her back in our room. We spent most of the night together before she finally slipped over to her son’s bed to catch some sleep before around dawn. To this day that 42 year old lady was the most amazing women I have ever been with in bed. Much to my disappointment I was not in for a repeat performance Saturday night as all three of us spent a much more sedate night together in town. I have remained close friends with me roommate over the years. I would never dare tell him about sleeping with his mom. I do feel a little guilty about it. Sometimes that makes it hard when I am around him. Despite having seen his mother many times since that, both during and after college, including at his wedding, I have never had a chance to talk to her about what we did together. Even though its been over ten years and I am married with children of my own I still think about her and that one awesome night we spent together.

im going crazy

I think I’m going crazy. I’m married and I was having an affair with a man who was also married for almost 8mo. I was literally falling in love with him, he would go to extremes just to see me even if it was for 5 minutes. Everything was perfect. The sex was great. His wife found out about us and asked me to stop seeing him so I tried and he wouldn’t let me and told me that he was going to take me away from my husband. About a week after his wife found out about the affair he was killed. His wife called me and told me that he was shot and died at the scene. My heart sank and now Im going crazy… its been 3mo since he passed and I cant get over it. I miss him so much… I have considered hurting myself because of it.

feelings for stepdaughter

I have been around my stepdaughter since the day she was born. My wife for the last 5 or so years has been addicted to pain pills and she is unbearable at time to say the least. My wife is very dishonest most of the time and marriage is like a private hell.
Anyway I love her daughter very much and if I was to file for divorce she would be gone. So I live with the hell.

my brother

i am 19 yrs old. one night i woke up from something very..well..i felt something on my bare foot but could not figure out what it was..(did not want to move cuz it was the middle of the night) well turns out that it was my brother (17)..he was rubbing his penis on me. i didnt know what to do. i just laid there until he eventually went back to his room(he didnt know i woke up).i cant tell my mom because i think of what kind of effect this will have on her and the rest of the family. i cant tell my bf for obviousw reasons..he comes into my room at nights,sometimes i wake up, and i dont do anything. ill pull my foot away and act as if i am waking up so he can run back to his room. i hate him for it. how can he do this to me? during the day he acts like nothing but at night.. i just dont know what to do. im scared. i act as if everything is ok i have conversations with him as if i have no idea what is going on but i am well aware. i feel as if i am living a twisted life with this deep dark secret that i can never tell anyone about..ever. i just..really dont know what to do. what does this mean? is he some kind of pervert that will lead a secret life and eventually go on to hurt other people? or is he just a curious virgin who wants to know what it feels like to rub on someone. the latter is what id like to believe just to give my lil brother the benefit of the doubt..but im scared of the first. im scared if i dont do anything about this he will get worse and do things to other ppl. but im scared of telling my parents because of what could happen..im scared this will haunt me for the rest of my life. i just dont know what to do

nope, i don’t have my ankle twisted!

i walked awkwardly cos i had sex with a guy who has a huge cock last night! the largest i’ve ever seen! and i guess my vagina might have tear a bit but no way i’ll go to the hospital to get help! i’ll probably walk like i wanna pee for few more days!

stop asking me!

btw, guys, size really doesn’t matter! no worries if u don’t have a large one! i’d rather having sex with my ex than having this aftermath! and large one doesn’t make the sex more satisfying!

Virgin

I’ve never had sex before but I hear my friends talk about it. I’ve watched adult videos before. I’m so afraid of contracting STDs or STIs. I cannot get over the bearer, and I’m afraid I never will. On the other hand, they say it feels good and I want to feel it too. I want to be those crazy girls who have a exciting sex life yet not to the extent of being labeled slut/whore. Yet I want to have it with the one I love. Contradicting, yup. But it would be so boring to have only one sex-partner and too dangerous to have many..