I know of pain

I’ve been a soldier for 6 years now. I’ve been to this place 4 times now. I’ve seen things that would keep most of you awake for the rest of your life. In all of the time I’ve spent here I only wanted my wife to love me, but as soon as I left the first time she started to party and see other people. She even moved to another state and didn’t tell me. When I came home she didn’t want anything to do with me. When I could get home she would leave. She didn’t even want to talk to me. The next time I deployed she didnt’ even write me letters and she continued to party. When I got home she didn’t stop this time. She would go out and sometimes not come home. She would come home drunk and demand sex. She was voilent and was always getting phone calls and texts from other men. I just kept on trying to love her because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do. Even though it hurt, even though I didn’t want to go home I stayed there. We fight over everything and she’s so untrusting of me. If I dont call every day she sends people to see what I’m doing. I hate her. It took so long to realize that I did but she’s ruined my brain.
Skip to now, I met someone eles. She’s 5 years younger than me but she’s so much woman. She’s beautiful. She’s more beautiful than the mountains, more beautiful than the sunset or sunrise. She’s more beautiful than anything god has ever put on this earth. She’s the most pure and real person I’ve ever met. I love her. When I say it I actually feel something inside. When she says it to me it’s like magic. Someone here told my wife about it. She went crazy and told me she would take our son away and I’d never see him again. I can’t let her do that because non of this is his fault. We tried to stop seeing each other but as it didn’t work. It’s too strong. Well it was until the rumors around here started. See I’m her superior, we can’t see each other for so many reasons…once the rumors started it was annoying…but then they started to hurt her feelings and she started to get angry..she took it out on me. She doesn’t want to see me anymore. She was gone for awile on another mission..we talked on email and messenger, but then she stopped. Now she’s back and she’s cold shouldered me every time I’ve tried to even say hello. I love her so much. I thought I could keep this all down but I can’t. I can’t even come close. We went to pick her up and bring her back to our platoon..as soon as I laid eyes on her it all came back up. My wife, she forces me to stay and play house. I hate this life. They say you might get lucky and find someone that you’re actually supposed to end up with. Someone that God wanted you to be with once in your life. Why did we meet so late? Why did I stay with my wife? Her name is Rebecca..the name even means lovley. She is everything to me and she doesn’t even want to talk to me. I reclassed into this job from an all male MOS. I thought I was so badass, but the second I met her she’s always been able to shut me down. Have you ever known anything that was so beautiful it could actually stop you in your tracks and make you forget what you were doing? I can’t even stand in the same room with her without my lips starting to tremble. I promised her after the last rumor that I wouldn’t come around her like before…but I thought that if two people loved each other they could find a way to talk…she wont even look at me anymore and I didn’t do a god damn thing to her except tell her that she’s beautiful and try to make her feel good every day of her life. Even when I was mad at her I could let it all go so easy. Maybe she didnt’ love me as much huh? I would have left my wife for her if she hadn’t found out and used our son against me. It would have been the first thing that i’ve ever done for me. I know that I made her feel horrible. We talked about all the places we would go together and things we wanted to do…and now none of it can happen. I just wish that wishing worked and she would find it in her hear to atleast smile at me. I hate my life.

You lied.

I used to like the person you made me be. You used to make me feel strong and as if I wasn’t alone anymore. But with all of your lies and deceit here lately, I have found myself back to my usual stressed out unpleasant ways. Only now the stress is worse because of you. You lie, constantly and about the dumbest damn things, and you’ve proven to me just how little I actually mean to you.

I Really Loved Her

I loved for the first time in my life and the girl cheated on me… I gave her everything, everything I can but still she hid things from he… I wish she died.

I hate my dad. He married three times… Divorced the third one and is still married to my mother and my step mother. I really hate him for kicking me and my mom out, but I love him a lot because he never kicked us out of his life.

I hate God… Everything always tends to go wrong with me… But I love him, he protects me always…

I hate myself, I am always having a fight with my split… I have no one else to talk too…

I want to end my life but I have no courage.

lonely

im feel so lonely i have been living with my relatives since i was 13 now im 21(not mom and dad) and they enjoy trying to make me feel like an outcast and tell me all the time how no one likes me if i was to fall on the streets no one would help me because im so horrible,selfish, stupid and that i think im better then them when im not i have high self esteem so it doesn’t get to me like that anymore and they hate it and put so much effort in it.i feel alone at home even when everyone is home and lately everytime i get close to a guy something always happen to make him leave and its so hard for me to really connect with guys on that level and not to be concieted but i get hit on date offers and free things all the time i even got hired onece just because of my looks making realfriends is been impossible even tho im very social at work but you cant call these people when you’re just had a fight with your aunt and need a shoulder to cry on and all the ones i have now we have grown apart execept one and she can only do so much with me as i am writing this there is a party going on at my house and im not there because i feel so out of place.i feel so so alone like im living in a country where i dont speak the language and i hate it so much
help

Cheater

I have been sleeping with your brother ever since we have been together. We fool around every chance we get. And even had a threesome with him and his boss in the toilets at the pub. I have also cheated on you with M several times and I still cant get him out of my mind.
I am never going to do it again.
Im sorry all of that is what it takes to realise that you are the one I want to spend my life with.
Never again.

I wish I could make you care…

I’m having your baby in a few months, and even though you say you love me and want to be there, your actions don’t show it.

Things were so perfect last year, but then you just got distant. You lie about things, I have proof that you’re lying, yet you deny it even in the face of pictures, confessions from the other people, etc. I drop it because it’s pointless to continue arguing when you just deny.

You’ve been gone for a month, yet now that we can talk again you don’t call and rarely text, I feel like an afterthought. You don’t say I love you or I miss you unless I say it first. I keep trying though, because I’m scared that if I stop you’ll just forget about me completely. If I say anything, you say I’m overreacting and that of course you love me. When we’re together everything feels fine, but as soon as you leave again, it feels like I’m out of sight out of mind.

You’re coming back soon, and the baby will be born. I wish I could just know how things are going to go, wish I could feel secure in the future. I worry sometimes that I’m just being paranoid, but then when I ask others they say that I have every reason to feel how I do, that I’m not imagining things. Even though you tell me that I am.

I just want to be one of those people who are in amazing relationships, I want our baby to have a mommy and a daddy. I know that our situation isn’t ideal, and I’m tired of lectures, what’s done is done and I just needed to get my feelings out.

Darkness

I hate that I’m afraid of the dark. I’m 32.

rape

i am a man, i was raped when i was 12 and it broke something inside me that was never fixed. this was 17 yrs ago
i just needed to say it once