Going Red

I keep going red at work and feel uncomfortable in my new job and its really affecting me. I am highly qualified experienced etc. but find it difficult trying to deal with lots of confrontation in an open plan office where there are so many “know it alls”. I try to keep positive but find myself dreading going in and feel unappreciated and its affecting my self esteem as don’t feel performing as well as I should.

His Parents!!

God i hate his parents! Everytime they come to visit it s like I dont exist! I wanted to go to Gozo for the past 3 months and now tom he s taking them there for lunch! Obviously I am working so i cannot go and even if i did they didnt even invite me! I cant wait till they go back to where they belong!!!!

Shallow

I like it when you say you only sleep with me because of how I look and want nothing to do with me relationship-wise. It makes me feel so good about how I look, I take it to mean that I don’t need to have a fantastic personality to make up for mediocre looks to get guys. Because you are beautiful, and I stare at you in your sleep.

I hate my family

My mom and her chipper-ness and exuberance annoys me. Sometimes she’s my best friend.

My dad is an alcoholic and smokes even though he knows that my mom and me absolutely HATE it when he does.

My aunts are clueless

I pretend to like my grandmother

My grandfather (I) is a retired teacher and most likely knows more than I do education-wise but everybody knows when he has no CLUE what he’s talking about and I feel embarrassed for him

My other grandfather is a FLIRT in every possible way. He sleeps with this married chick half his age and everyone in the family, even a couple 8-year olds know it

And I’m obnoxious. I admit it.

Too young

I’m 14 years old.

I have been self harming for almost 2 years and I’ve been suicidal twice.
I’m not scared of suicide because I don’t have the guts to do it. I doubt I ever will. I love my friends and family too much.
That makes me sad. Because no matter out I will never escape. I’ll have to live through it all.

People think I’m too young to feel anything and that I’m attention seeking. They don’t understand.

Not Sorry

I slept with my best friend’s husband and I’m not sorry about it. Truthfully, I hated her secretly and wanted to hurt her. I like to think of her being angry and hurt and I hope she cries every night. I did it the day after they got back from their honeymoon and I have been doing it ever since. I want to tell her so I can watch her cry. I want to tell her it’s all her own fault. She doesn’t deserve him. She’s an idiot and I want to tell her all the things that are wrong with her and I want to tell her that he’s the best sex I ever had and I know that she’s not good enough for him. I am happy when I hang out with her and know that I’ve just had sex with him. I pretend to date other men when the truth is, I want him to leave her and tell her that she’s totally worthless.

Manfast

About a month ago, I ended a three-year relationship with my fiance. I thought he was the one. I thought he would be the one to help me leave my pain and sorrow behind. I thought he would be the giver of love and joy for the rest of our lives.

I was wrong, and once again, I was betrayed, and this time the hurt was greater than anything I’ve experienced. All because his pride and ego are too important to him.

That’s when I discovered: In these past 3 years, I have lived my life the way he wanted me to. I like what he likes. I act the way he acts. I think the way he thinks. In short, I have completely replaced my own unique identity with a clone of the man I now loathe with all my heart and soul.

My friends all told me to find someone to help me get over my heartbreak faster. However, I no longer want to depend on a man, and I no longer want to have someone hand me happiness and joy on a silver platter. Those are things I need to discover myself. So until I rediscover my identity, personality, passion, and most importantly, my self-esteem, I have sworn off all men.

It has been 2 months since I made this committment. I am still in the process of searching for me, but I love every minute of it, and it feels GREAT to have power over my own self again!

if u only knew

i think that ur so sexy! i know that ur not bisexual/lesbian & r strictly into men. Everytime i speak to u, i act like nothing, but inside i am ready to explode. u will never know how i feel for u because i respect u & our work 2much to make u feel uncomfortable. But i know that if i were ever 2 go out, u would have the most fabulous time!

I don’t love my husband

He loved me and I never felt anything towards him. But when I told him the truth I became afraid that he’d leave me. I’ve been alone before and it’s just bad. Sometimes I feel like I love him, but most of the time I feel cold and even harsh with him. I think I hurt him too much before. He’s a great person but I’m not, I don’t feel adequate for him.

Human flesh.

So, this really WEIRD thing happened today. I mean, weird. I was sitting in the couch watching tv. And my mom and her boyfriend and two other friends were in the garden, grilling some kind of meat i guess. Suddelny i smelled something funny. For some odd reason, i thought it smelled like human flesh burning. Then i thought ” what are they grilling?? Human flesh??” But, i knew they didn’t of course, duh! But it just kept on smelling like ” human flesh????” and i started feeling sick and stuff, ’cause i thought it was disgusting. I got dizzy and just thought of human flesh burning. So i went out on the fresh air, to see that they were grilling just some random tasty meat. And i eat it later, Of course it wasn’t human flesh. But, i didn’t know why i thought it was.. it was so weird.

SOOOOOO SICK

i am sick and tired of the pain….why cant you just see that i love you…???do you know how hard it is to pretend that i don’t feel anything when you hug or give me a kiss on the cheek?I WISH THAT THIS WILL ALL STOP…i tried spending some time away from you but it made things worse.I DON’T WANT TO JUST BE YOUR BEST FRIEND….and on top of that you are dating my other close friend…god will this pain ever end???

Alone

All my life I’ve been shy. It didn’t bother me at first. But 3 years ago I changed schools and I couldn’t make friends. I am now 16. I tried to change. I let go of my insecurities a little but then I was faced with another problem. Even though now I could speak louder and clearer then before, I could give more specific answers then just “yes” or “no”, I found that it is hard for me to communicate with people. I just can’t think of what to say. Whenever my cellphone rings my hands begin to sweat, my voice shakes and I can’t think straight. I hate it. Every weekend, the people I sit with at lunch go out together. I wish they would ask me to go out too. I know they won’t reject me if I ask if I could come but I don’t want to feel like I’m intruding. I feel so alone and stupid because it’s something no one else has problems with. I wish someone could help me. I’ve been alone and insecure most of my life and I fear it might never change. I hate being alone.