Secret Confessions

i don’t believe in religion, matter of fact, i absolutely hate religion. i am a bat mitzvahed jewish 15 year old girl, yet i don’t like considering myself a religion. i absolutely do not believe in god. and i hate it when people are religious. overly religious. yet i respect it. i hate how ignorant people are, and it kills me and bothers me to no end. i feel like a failure sometimes because of my beliefs, but i will not.. WILL NOT believe in anything unless it is proved to me. there is no proof of god, there is no proof of jesus. there is no proof of moses. i think its pathetic when people have to use religion to feel like they are living their lives the right way. you only have one life! why would you waste it that way ?!

I am a deeply complicated girl. And I secretly blame it on everyone else (parents, unrequited crushes, etc). I just have the feeling having a perfect relationship would help me.. But when I did have one, I just snapped and snapped ’til it broke down.
My biggest fear is this: I’ll never love and be loved in return. Yet love would never leave me content - I know it. Lose/lose situation.
I dunno. I really dunno. Just babblin’ here.

Okay, the other night I had a neighborhood party in my driveway. I got way too drunk. I’ve never been that drunk. Problem is I’m not sure if I kissed my neighbor or not (we are both married). I vaguely remember his tongue in my mouth and saying “we can’t get caught” but I’m not sure if I was dreaming or not. It’s driving my crazy and I obviously can’t talk about it with anyone.

I pretend like I’m fine. Completely okay! Like it didn’t even affect me when he walked out. He’s one of the only guys I trusted with me heart, I actually wanted to be with him.
He dumped me. Now, I’m sitting here broken hearted…he was in love with his ex. Ugh. So because of him my life is all those stupid sappy broken hearted country songs put into one.
I have hope she’ll get cancer and die or something so he’ll come back.

My wife is 9 months pregnant. A blessing indeed.
About 4 months ago I had a one night affair with a women that my wife and I are friends with. This women and myself have very good chemistry and great sexual chemistry. Both of those things are lacking with my wife and I. It pains me to say it but I don’t think I have ever been in love with my wife. Our sex life is not very good and we argue alot. She acknowledges our marital problems but isn’t that motivated to improve them.
I am happy about being a father but am not sure about being married to this women. I did the marriage counseling and read several books, boh of which helped briefly. This other women and I are keeping our hands off each other at this point, but both of us no we are going to be together at some point again. She is also married.
I feel tremendous guilt. I wonder why I got married in the first place. My wife and I were distant lovers and friends for many years but we never had that passion that people that are deeply in love have. Unfair I am and I know this. It bothers me so much. I found this site and am posting for the first time. I wish I felt different, especially at this juncture with the child arriving. I have been supportive of my wife but if she knew that I was with this other women she would be gone. The confusion in my mind is off the charts. It feels good to write this! I want to feel love and don’t right now. Perhaps I don’t know what love is? I read somewhere that love is not a feeling but an action. The crazy thing about all of this is she is carrying our child and I don’t feel as close to her as I probably should.

I’m so paranoid of people looking down on me, and if I sense that they’re thinking that they are better than me I just hate them and try to avoid them.
My husband isn’t one of these people, he’s so honest and emotional. The way he can describe his love and care for me is overwhelming, I simple repel when he’s emotionally intimate with me. I think it hurt him a lot, and I feel bad about it, but sometimes it’s easier to not care at all. I haven’t been saying any romantic words to him for ages because it all feels incredibly uncomfortable and fake. I know I should also show him that I need him but I can’t stand that either. I don’t think I can be emotionally demonstrative and intimate with any man, not just my husband. I think I don’t trust men. Please help.

I wanted to hate you, I thought I hated you, I convinced myself that I did because it was what I wanted. Hating you was my answer. I wanted to think that you stole my friends from me, they left me alone to be with you. You always make fun of me, you laugh at me, treat me like crap and make me fell like crap. I never did anything to you, I always keep my mouth shut, well most of the time. I almost die, I tried to commit suicide and between the many thoughts in my head there was one that surprised me the most:I do not hate you.

you your smoke drugs in front of your grandkids your house stinks dog feces eberywhere and you expect me to comeyou visit
i don’t even want to touch anything in your house when we try to dicuss this you get mad just to let you know i don’t hate you jsut clean up your act if not for you your family

I flew back thousands of miles to go back for her so she would realize that I was the one. I found her in the arms of a friend of ours. She couldn’t spend more than two hours with me before running off to make out anywhere.

Confession? All our other friends would tell me that they knew that they weren’t anything special. They all say that they were just physical, that they were just in it for the sex but had no level of commitment. Once they broke up I just felt so good. It makes me sadly very happy that the people that have the best reputations, are the smartest and going places stopped talking to her and still talk to me.

I guess everything works out for a reason.

I’m not exactly sure what to say but I am a woman, I am worn out by life and I’m only 33. I have been estranged from my family since I was 16 but put myself through college and have a professional qualification. I have always worked to pay for my education, flat, bills etc. and that is fine but for some reason I am just fed up with everything. Relationships haven’t been much better, but I recently fell in love with a really good man, however he didn’t want to get into a serious relationship and I decided to respect his decision and broke up with him. I guess I sometimes just feel tired, like life is wearing me down and I don’t want to become cynical or bitter but I feel very alone sometimes. I am not suicidal or anything like that but I just wonder what is the point in living when life is just a series of hardships and when you try your best to be a decent person but things seem to never improve for the better. I feel ashamed of myself for feeling this way when I should be grateful for all the good things I have in my life but I guess I’m lonely and would like more support in my life.

I desperately missed you suddenly, after so many years, tried to find you and thought I failed. After long months of thinking you were happy and married and had too much of a life to be bothered with me, you get in touch. I could have been knocked over with a feather. Another month passes and I finally get to speak with you, my muse, and it is beyond great.
Do you know the last time I have talked to someone all night long? I told you the truth, I wasn’t single, but I also was on my way out. I laughed and flirted and it was incredible. I go to work exhausted but happier than I have been in a long time. Then you ignore me. And ignore me. And ignore me. Did I miss something? So I write you and ask if you want to talk again later in the week. You get wierd and say very cryptic things. I’m not really hurt just confused. I tell you that I am confused and just needed some support at a rough time and you “drunk mail” me.
Now no news. What did I do? I didn’t leave him for you, quite frankly it has been long enough that I feasibly don’t know who you are anymore. I was miserable and we were not married. I hate that I cannot get you out of me for a moment. I hate that we are so far apart, making it impossible to simply corner you and find out what the hell is going on. I don’t give two if you have someone, despite your avowal that you did not, as long as you are happy! What is wrong?How can I fix this besides giving you space like I have been? It has been weeks now and I don’t know what I did.

some times i wonder if i like girls. i often get turned on by watch lesbian porn or by watching a picture of an exploited female. dont get me wrong i like guys alot, i’m 16 and i’ve already had 6 real boyfriends, and i have kissed dem cuddle with them, everything except lost my virginity with a guy. but i sometimes feel like i would want to do thing with girls like i’ve done with guys. i dont want to be a lesbian because i’m afraid of what others might say or how my family wound react to it. i dont really kno if this is just a stage i’m going through, where i want to experiment or what but at times i ‘crave’ making out with girls touching them and being with girls. but i still very much likedoing stuff with my guys….

i want you ********…you are amazing..im in love with you..and your my best friend! i cant help it but every time i see you i want to kiss you…you know im a lesbian and your bi..but your afraid to hook up with me..because of your ex! please just give me a chance..ill treat you right…give you everything..! im in love with you!! and you dont care

I am disastrously in love with my best friend. She is chinese. My fiance (a man) doesn’t have a clue.

I was raped by a chinese guy that lived across the hall from me two years ago.

And then this thing about the little girl not being cute enough to sing the national anthem at the Olympics in Beijing.

I am not racist. I love all people. But why are the chinese HAUNTING me??

I have been sleeping with this man for over a year. We are both married. I feel no regret or guilt. He is the best lover that I have ever had in my life. We have an amazing physical and emotional connection. I am on another planet when he kisses me. I don’t want him to leave his wife and I don’t want to leave my husband. Life is too short to not grab and keep something like this. We set each other on fire. I know the limits or our relationship and I am fine with that. He is like a drug and this is my only vice. Selfish? Yes. Stupid? Of course. And there is always the chance of getting caught. But will I stop? Hell, no.