Secret Confessions

we fell in love at 14. you left me and ignored me for four years. now i have you back, and you love me more than i have ever been loved before. you treat me like a princess.

but i still cry at night when you are asleep next to me because i miss my ex.

today she told me that she still loves me.
and even though she has hurt me so much, i cant let her go.

i know i love you more… you are the man i have been waiting for my whole life…

but i cant get her out of my mind.

Before my marriage I was in a long term committed relationship with another man. During the final three years of that relationship, my boyfriend and I were very heavily into swinging. During those three years I performed every sex act that you can think of, on more partners than I can count, both male and female, usually more than one at a time. At the time I was a more than willing participant, in fact many of the things we did were actually at my instigation. When we finally broke up (something that had nothing to do with our lifestyle), my participation in those activities also came to an end. I am currently a happily married woman with two young children. My husband, my family, and all of the other people currently in my life do not know anything about my past. Something, I know that my husband, who is also the pastor of our church and has very limited experience in the bedroom before me, would never understand. While our sex life is very satisfying, there is still a little part of me that wants go out and party like that again

I’m a girl and I have loved one of my best guy friends for the longest time. He used to love me a lot too, he told me this and everything, but I wasn’t ready to start something with him then.

So he fell for one of my other girl friends. And they became boyfriend and girlfriend. But one night he and I were alone together and we kissed. It became really complicated, and he asked me to tell him I loved him so he could leave my girl friend. But then I really cared about this girl friend, I felt terrible about what we had done and I felt I couldn’t do that to her. So I didn’t tell him.

Months later I was accepted into a college out of the country, and I would leave for the next school year in August. I was scared of saying goodbye and leaving whatever we had full of “ifs”. So I told him I loved him (around April). He asked me, in other words, if I would wait for him to get out of his relationship. I told him, also in other words, that I thought I would.

About a month passed, and about a week ago he broke up with his girlfriend. I still love him, and I know he still has feelings for me, we’ve been spending loads of time together since. I feel really happy and good about myself when I am with him, he makes me laugh and is just, in a way, imperfectly perfect.

I’ve been having problems with my girl friend, his ex, for reasons unrelated to him. She was really in love with him, and although he really cared about her it was never as much. So I feel like !”#$ for even thinking about getting together with him, but it’s not as if me and her are the greatest chums right now. Plus, everyone else would think I’m a terrible person, and I’d have broken that “code” where girls do not go out with their friend’s exes.

Thing is, I’m going to college. I’m leaving the country. And if I wanted to spend time with him, the sooner the better.

I just wish we could love each other without hurting anyone else. And in this case, I don’t know what’s worth more. Love or dignity? Being happy, or respecting other people? help!!

So I confess…
- I helped cheat on one of my girl friends
- I told a guy with a girlfriend I loved him
- and worst of all, I think I might be willing to sacrifice my dignity to be with a guy.

help?? am I seriously deranged?
Sorry for the long confession.

I am a female, single, 26, and work in a professional business office. I am an insanely ticklish peron over every inch of my body. I find when I date men, really nice men, when they find out I’m ticklsh(doesn’t take much), they want to make me their “tickle toy.” They always want to see how ticklish I am and tickle me out of my mind.I am good natured and easy going so I don’t get mad, I just laugh my head off. I laugh so much I can’t beg them to stop. Feathers tickle me terribly, and once they discover that, they want to test every inch of me. It drives me insane. One guy I dated tickled me all night long with a feather, I was going nuts! My relationships all start out great but as soon as they can get me giggling or sqirming it just escalates from there. I guess its my fault for not being firm enough, but its hard to be firm when you’re rolling around howling like a banshee. I just don’t understand why guys are like that, they always try to tickle me to death.

MY BEST FRIEND LIED TO ME ABOUT CUTTING HERSELF, YET SHE WAS OKAY TO POST A PUBLIC BLOG ABOUT IT ON MYSPACE.
SHE HAS NO REASON TO BE SAD, ITS BECAUSE OF SOME BOYFRIEND. SHE’S LIVED A GREAT HAPPY LIFE.
I’VE TRIED DOING EVERYTHING FOR HER BUT SHE WON’T LISTEN, SHE TRIED TO KILL HERSELF!!! I TOLD THE SCHOOL COUNSLER SO…NOW SHE’S GONNA GO TO THERAPY I DON’T WANT TO WATCH HER GO THROUGH IT DAMMIT I HATE HER SO MUCH RIGHT NOW I DON’T WANT TO BE HER FRIEND, I JUST WANT HAPPINESS
SHE ISN’T THE SAME FRIEND I KNEW LAST YEAR, SHE’S A MONSTER BECAUSE OF HER SELFISHNESS I DON’T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL AND I DON’T WANT TO DO ANYTHING!
I HATE THIS SHE USED TO BE SO HAPPY
I HATE THIS
I HATE THIS
I HATE THIS
I HATE THIS
I HATE HER
I LOVE HER
I WANT HER TO DIE
I WANT HER TO LIVE

I JUST WANT EVERYTHING TO BE ALRIGHT!
PLEASE I JUST WANT THIS FRIENDSHIP TO END
BEFORE I GET HURT AGAIN!

YEARS AGO I LOST MY SISTER SHE WAS BRUTIALLY MURDERED IVE ALWAYS SRUGGLED TO MOVE ON 22 YEARS HAS PASSED YET IT STILL FEELS LIKE IT WAS JUST YESTERDAY! I HAVENT TALKED WITH IT TO MY FAMILY BECAUSE ITS REALLY JUST BEEN NEVER DISCUSSED ITS ONE OF THOSE ISSUES OF BRINGING UP A TRAGIC EVENT HOWEVER I STILL FEEL SO MUCH SADNESS AND LOSS.

There isnt a day that goes by when i dont think about you.
There isnt a day that goes by when i dont want to hold you.
There isnt a day that goes by when i dont wish i could be with you.
There isnt a day that goes by when i thank fate for letting me meet you.
There isnt a day that goes by when i dont love you.
There isnt a day that goes by when i dont wish you felt the same…..

I love my boyfriend to bits but he is so problematic sometimes! He is always moaning that he is tired or that he has a headache! For example, last week we had a wedding with his parents and he moaning and moaning that he was tired because he missed some hours of sleep the night before. Today we had a friends reunion and he was acting all weak because he said he had a migraine since he was shopping in the sun this morning. I know that it is not nice to feel sick but it s like there is always something wrong with him.
I hate the fact that I always have to be the first one to hug and kiss with the hope that he cuddles me a bit. I know he loves me and he says that he s afraid someone will walk in on us- cuz I still live with my parents. I dont want to sound insenstive- all I want is some romance and my boyfiend aging his age- PLS STP ACTING LIKE YOU RE 60!!

i feel like i don’t know who she is when i see her walking down the hallways anymore.. i’m scared and confused and i feel so alone now. she says everything changed when i came back from vacation.. that i hadnt talked to her..but i was catching up on my work and she didnt make any effort to talk to me.. im lost and confused… i want to know what went wrong, what i did wrong.. im scared i’m going to lose her forever.. is this something inevitable? will i lose her? my best friend.. i have no one else to turn to.. i cannot lose her.. i want to fight for us. but i dont know how.. i dont know what more to do then to explain myself.. over and over.. explain my feelings.. again and again..

1ts been 10 yrs nw since we separated our ways.but i want you to know that still you’re the most special girl in my life.despite what u did.im not blaming you for that.i had my shortcomings.i just wish you a happy life.a happy and contented life!!!!!!!thank you denden!

All of growing up (im 17) I’ve always wanted to wait until i got married to have sex, that is until recently. my boyfriend and i had talked about it before but i know i wasnt ready and i dont think he was fully ready either. well one night we were talking very seriously about having sex and i realized that i was ready and wanted it so bad. my parents left over night and the house was empty. i snuck my boyfriend (who lives two hours away) into the house and we had sex. i have no regrets and glad we did it. and somehow we didnt get caught but im afraid somebody will find out.in one way i dont want my friends and family to know but in another way i do cuz i dont like lying to them.

I cannot forgive you for the places you sent me when I was young just so you didnt have to deal with the “PROBLEM CHILD” You sent me away like a dirty sack of laundry!! You told everyone I was a uncontrollable teenager. The truth was, I dated BLACK MEN and you hated me for it!! You let your husband push me out of the house, he called me names, he treated my younger sister so much better then me. I was the outcast!! ANd still am!! Your husband heard me on the phone late one nite talking to a friend of mine He said I called you a bitch, Truth is I probably did!! He tells you what I have done and u take me to the bus station and buy me a ticket to my friends house and you leave me there…..all b/c I called you a bitch!! I was 17. You gave up custody of me when I was 15 to the state ..you signed a finns petition…you said I was unstable….. U sent me to live in Foster care!! You sent me to Rivendale(Rivenhell) all b/c you cldnt contol the fact I was dating black men!! I never did drugs ….I never drank….I just had BAD TASTE IN MEN…..so u sent me away!! And now iam 31 and you still treat me like I am the worst person in the world..u judge me…critisize me…..say iam not a good parent..and I still want ur approval!! At the same time I hate you for making me the nontrusting person that I am today, the person who hides behind her laughter!! The person that has a hard time even CRYING b/c she cldnt show her emotions around you and supressed them for so long that its hard to be this soft person that I want to be, and I hate myself!! Its affected my relationships with my friends and relationships Ive had with men!! Even My daugher will suffer b/c of the person I am inside…

i don’t think i really love you. i mean i would be stupid if i did knowing the kind of person you are.
you cannot and will not ever stop trying to meet other people . you will always chat on the internet with stupid people and flirt and make sure you rub it in my face.
i just really want you to love me and then turn around and hurt you like you have hurt me so many times since we have been together.
vindictive
yes !

You sit next to me at work and I cant help but to like you.
I know it might sound silly but its the weird true, though I wouldnt accept if you ask me out yet it would make me happy enough to fly without wings .
I cant say I love you but still I’m not sure what those feelings are. And hopefully I never want to know what they are as I love my bf as much as I like you

I feel so alone nearly all the time.
I go on chat sites and talk to strangers to help me forget. I use these people to erase the lonliness I feel. When I’m filling my time talking to strangers who tell me I’m sexy and gorgeous I don’t feel so alone.

My mother doesn’t take me seriously when I agree that I should go to counselling or whatever. She just thinks I’m being sarcastic and insolent.

I have to fight the urge to start hurting myself again.

I have someone who takes away the lonliness. He’s lovely and sweet and kind-hearted. He says he loves me and he wants to be with me.
I can’t believe him because I don’t understand what he sees in me.
And I don’t want to be hurt again.

Only 2 other guys have told me they love me. One ended up telling me he didn’t love me and he never loved me, after months of letting me think he cared for me. The other said he’d love me forever. Let’s just say i no longer belive in the word forever.

Forever doesn’t exist and all guys lie.
I don’t want to think this but I can’t help it.

I don’t want to be alone anymore but I’m too scared to let anyone in.