Uncertainty

I’m gay and I feel so awkward in discussions about the immutability of sexuality. Everyone expects me to say that I’ve been gay as long as I can remember, and I feel like I’d be betraying other gay people if I told the truth that I vividly remember being totally straight as a child.

My greatest fear about coming out of the closet in real life is that I might find myself straight again once I do. I often wonder if I can ever find satisfaction.

I’m sorry for not doing more

Every day I think of you, and remember how bad things got. I’m so sorry for not fighting harder for you, trying to fix it. I know your addiction is not my fault, that your bad choices were your own to make. But if there was anyway I could go back and somehow make it all better, I would.
Please take care of yourself.

Hit and run

I hit a guy in Tuscaloosa and kept driving

Stealing

I was a nurse in a hospice facility. I also had an incredibly bad drug habit and stole pain meds from the patients for about 5 years. I would do incredibly awful, deceptive things like replace a dilaudid with a vitamin C tablet or inject saline into an IV in place of morphine. My peers probably suspected but never spoke up. Eventually, I left the profession voluntarily and got sober but I still feel an incredible sense of guilt. To this day, I won’t tell anyone about my former profession, like those years just did’nt happen.

filth

how do you tell your friend that you
don’t wan tto come to his moms because the hous is so filthy. they seem to be immune to the smells all the animals
running around they are a cool friend and would do anything for me but i can’t take
the filth

Ripped My Heart Out

To the one who ripped my ******* heart out:

You cheated on me after I told you I wanted to marry you. You ****** that fat girl and then slept with me afterwards. We broke up, but I took you back because I loved you so damn much.

What you dont know is that I cheated on you mutliple times. I had an affair with an older man. I had one night stands. And I met my future husband by cheating on you.

I am thankful that you ripped my heart out, because it led me to the one person who could put it back together again. and its defenitley not you.

and i am so much happier without your negative energy in my life.

You.

Are my best friend. I love you more than I thought I could ever love anyone. But I can’t tell you.

I want to be thin.

I mean really thin. Scarily thin. I want people to look at me and go, ‘look at that boy, he’s far too thin.’
I miss my eating disorder. I miss being repulsed by food. I miss people making those comments.

I want it all back.

To My Love

I still love you and I’m scared to ask you to be mine again. I don’t love my current boyfriend, I barely like him. I did it to hurt you, and it worked. Now you hate me and I’ve never felt so alone. I just wish I could tell you this.

Not really ironic anymore…

I knew about your sister, I knew about the other girls and I’ll still dote on you and sleep with you despite your lies about these things.
Why?
Because hey, I’ve been lying too. We’re all liars.
I’m sleeping with your best friend, have been for a while now…and maybe you know and that’s why we are the way we are.

Second Place

To my ex-girlfriend

The week you left for school was the worst week of my life.

It became the worst week for you when your brother committed suicide.

The truth is, the only reason I didn’t kill myself was because he did it first.

I’d say “thank God I was alive to be there for you” but then I think that if I were to tell you all of this, you would wish it was the other way around.

P.S. I think about him almost everyday still.

PreMarital Secrets

I am getting married soon to my most wonderful, caring and genuine, fiancee. This is his first marriage but not mine.My fiancee is the light of my life and the perfect guy for me. We both have accepted the past issues from my divorce and dealth with it and are moving on. But here’s the problem. My friends and certain members of our families won’t let the past die.They really liked my ex too even though I was friends with him for 10 years before I brought him into their life, it seems they’re choosing him. They constantly criticise our current actions saying I have no business remarrying without waiting like 6 years to “recover” and respectfully morn the past divorce. I think this is absurd and very antiquated. My fiancee does too. I think nearly all my friends have now turned on me, ladening me with heavy judgement and really hatefull cold shoulders but also giving big guilt trips when I try to pull away from their nasty treatment, saying that I’m wrong and know it and am trying to run away with my tail between my legs and ruin a perfectly good friendship. My fiancee wants to marry in a church and invite them all. He doesn’t know how bad they are treating me behind his back. I just want to elope. Besides hostility from his family and my friends, it’s becoming consitently harder to not go crazy trying to deal with all these other people’s drama and plan our wedding. My fiancee sometimes thinks I have some deep reserve of super-hero forgiveness and patience and can’t seem to see how much pain I’m in with the harrassing treatment I’m getting on all sides. Nowfor the confession part. I know he’s wonderful and the perfect guy for me. And I don’t want anyone BUT him and if I weren’t with him there woudn’t be another go at this for me. But I’m thinking about breaking it off it he can’t help me and support me and protect me (instead of just blowing off my feelings.)