Secret Confessions

I puked on a ride at the carnival in front of a bunch of people from my school. I was so embarrassed by it, that I pretended to pass out. I didn’t “wake up” until I was in the car with my mom when she came to bring me to the hospital, which wasn’t until about 15-20 minutes later.

I was fine. Nothing was medically wrong with me, I just had motion-sickness, but I ended up scaring all my friends and my mom. One of my friends told me she thought I was dead.

People talked about it for weeks after and treated me like I had some terminal illness. People who never talked to me before were acting like they were my friends and that they cared about me, and I hated it. My friends still bring it up every now and then and talk about how scared they were for me. I just pretend I don’t remember any of it.

Next time I throw up in front of people, I’d rather laugh about it than make everyone think I passed out.

I have nothing valid to confess actually…..im just pouring out all the chaos n turmoil im my mind….life’s going fine but the scars that my previous relationship has left have become sour … i think of myself as a person bereft of human feelings … im not cribbing over past happenings but im laughing at myself for doing all those things.The last thing i wanna sound like is EMO… no depression bullshit ….no cuttin hand …..’
Only thing is that i feel im inadequate in the sense that if i ask out another girl ill be turned down….and there are other issues like lust …. you know the feeling when you look at a girl ..you hate her at the same time youre sexually attracted towards her….well a girl in my class sits right in front of me and i get so turned on by her ….**** shes so hot ….
So these are the things i go thru ,thanks for listening
p.s hope it gets published cuz it would really help.

I can’t stop being abusive to my cats. I love them so very very much and when they ignore me I snap. I torment them and beat the shit out of them. I dangle them by their tails, their legs, their scruffs. I throw them up in the air. I flick their heads. I soak them. What I do is disgusting. And then I cry. I think that’s why I do it. I don’t know what to do. I love them so much and they don’t deserve any of this.

My favorite band and best friend are the only things keeping me alive at the moment.

I know how cliche this sounds but no one really gets it. I hate myself beyond belief and I’m 99% sure I can’t get into any sixth form and my life and all the dreams will be ruined.

suicide just seems so appealing right now. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t have those two things keeping me here so that it would be easier to go.