Secret Confessions

I always wonder if my father thinks about me. I wish he would call again. It’s been twenty-two years and I still remember out last phone coverstation word for word. I’ll never forget him.

im so tired of bein fat inever was so fat in my life i was always this beautiful girl that everone wanted to be an since i have had my kids it aint da same anymo now im ashamed and i feel embarrassed for my husband that has to be seen with this blob

It is a strange thing to grow up knowing your father who lives with you everyday and is part of your life does not know you, has no wish to know you, and what he does know of you he does not like. I can say not in a wounded lashing out way but matter of factly- my father never loved me.

My husband and I are swingers..and it kills me to have to keep it a secret.
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I’m afraid I may be a gay.
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lately i have noticed i m developing a sort of allergy to my relatives and family members . being v.distant and indifferent to them . i dont talk to any of them voluntarily n dont even feel like coz i dont like formal relationships . i like 2 b among carefree people who r basically my frienz where i can totally be informal any myself .so mostly at family functions i find myself lonesome.nothing to do .no interest to talk with any1.i wish i could go far away from all of them .atleast distance wud bring in positive changes.

Ok i had this weird dream twice in a row: I was walking down a street in a small abandoned town, which was sort of looked like it was from the movie or video game Silent Hill. Anyway I was walking down the street and all of a sudden, it went pitch black, so I pulled a flashlight out my purse and kept going. I saw someone walking, so I decided to follow them. I finally caught up with the person, and I found out, it was the guy I like. I looked at him odd and asked “What are you doing here?” He looked at me, his blue eyes shining, (sorry I get lost in his eyes a lot.) and said “I was wondering the same.” Then he smiled at me. I felt like something was wrong, but I just decided it was the fact I was in this creepy town. So I started talking to him, but after awhile, he pulled me close to him. “You should watch out. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.” he said to me. I looked up at him, still in his embrace. “What about Kaylee?” I asked, just then remembering his girlfriend. He smiled at me, “Who’s Kaylee again?” Then he leaned down and kissed me. I, of course, didn’t mind and kissed him back, savoring it, but then something forced me to open my eye. (not to wake up by the way.) There was this noise, the wind, and slowly, he started fading into the darkness, then the dream ended after he was gone. What do you think it means? I’m confused as hell.

I’m 21 now and even though I don’t live where this happened, it’s with me always and I think if I share it I will take a load off? I don’t know, but not being able to talk about something because of being judged or losing friends is a terrible feeling.
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at present i want to get over a guy whose not right for me.my problem is i always end up falling for the wrong ones and when i do i fall big time and get hurt like to the corage . worst part being i still keep in touch with them and m v.kind like to the core to them and part of me still expects they will ask me for second chance which rarely happens.if it happens i mess it up , if it doesnt i wait !! what m i suppose to do ? how do i get over such guys n move on =( after the love phase then the hatred phase then im back to the love phase n this is wher im lost at ! i want to get over such guys n move on but its so difficult to let go even after remindin myself of the hurt ! god need guidance big time

After years of being on the ‘outside’, I am finally on the ‘inside’. But I still resent it because I know people are only being nice to the money- not ME. If I had walked into that BMW dealership this time last week they would have looked down their noses at me and told me to get lost. Now everyone kisses my ass. ME. Look at ME. Look at who I AM. First you only took me for the brown skin and frizzy hair and treated me like I was less of a person because of it- now you treat me like I am the center of the universe- but it has nothing to do with ME. You’re attracted to the money. As if I might carry a cool million in my back pocket and hand it out at anytime. Like NOW I’m a good luck charm- everyone wants to be around me NOW. Oh- here comes lucky lottery girl! Luck nothing- you treated me like crap then without getting to know me. Now I’m everyone’s ‘best friend’- and you still don’t know me. And they said me winning and having millions of dollars would make ME shallow…? Screw you all.

i hate a cousin of mine so much.. she’s been a total bitch to me since we were five.. she talks behind me back spreading malicious rumors about me.. she tells all her bfs and friends that i have drinkin issuses n that im a prostitute, i get with guys who would pay me.. i also hate her because she’s so passive-aggressive.. she acts that she loves me and that enjoys my company, but really it’s all the opposite of what’s true. i wish that i could tell that bitch to just back off..

I’m a Junior in high school, and I dated this guy, let’s call him Bob, in freshman year for about a month. We only wen’t on about 4 dates and there was no real connection since we didn’t have any communication so we broke up. We didn’t really speak for the next two years because we didn’t have any classes together. This year, about a week into the school year, he commented my facebook with a cute video. After that, we started talking more and more, and since we had about 4 classes together this time, we teased each other, talked to each other, laughed and just had fun. I only thought of him as a friend, but I knew that deep inside, I kind of liked him again and I felt that I actually had a connection with him. I’ve heard from friends that he had a crush on one of my very good friends, let’s call her Susan, and was even going to try to break her up from her boyfriend at that time. I didn’t really care because I didn’t know that I liked him then. But today, after school, I stayed at school with him, Susan, and some of my other friends. We were having a great time when him and Susan left us to go “talk.” The others and I jokingly bet that they were doing inappropriate things and whatnot, and I was joking with them. I kept a smile on my face, but when they left, I knew he was going to ask her out, since she didn’t have a boyfriend anymore. I found out later that evening that they were officially a couple, but he texted me saying “hey baby.” (it’s an inside joke). I noticed that the conversation was different this time like “you can’t flirt with me anymore” and “let’s try to keep our cordial dignity alright?” It may not seem like much, but I was CRUSHED! I knew our friendship would change, but I felt like it was too drastic. I couldn’t even respond and I couldn’t focus on my homework all night which is why I’m writing this. I’m really happy for him and Susan because they’re really cute with each other, but at the same time, I wish that something would happen so that they would break up. Although our last relationship ended in failure, I wanted to try again with him. I don’t know what to do, and I feel so icky inside. I know our relationship is going to change at school and I know I won’t be able to laugh with him like I used to. I don’t want to say something I regret around Susan or him so I’m going to keep on congratulating them while I watch them from the sidelines, with jealousy and regret.

I had fallen madly in love with a guy, and with little difficulty we made our families meet. They are now happy too. I am going to get married soon next year. We have been together for 4 years.
But in our last year we were not in contact with each other much, as he was away somewhere else.
and just 10 months ago, I met a guy during a multiplayer game. I told him my fake name, I told him I am not engaged, reason being i came to know he lives in the same area that my to-be-husband lives. And I was scared that who knows they may be friends or may become friend and my to-be-husband will find out I have been friends with a guy which he hates(he hates it if i befriend some other guy).
We are now great friends, and sometimes from his conversation I feel as if he loves me, though he hasn’t said so,once he stopped himself expressing himself,he asked me whether i love some one and i replied in negative, and when I in turn asked what if I do love someone then so he replied I will feel at loss that I wont be able to take that person’s place in your heart.
few days back he said he was planning to get married, as his mother is forcing to do so.I asked him what kind of a girl you are looking for…….. and he described qualities that points to me, like “Programmer, web devolper,some one who knows me as a friend and understands me bla bla”
and then he made me promise that i will help him and i will not back out when he will ask me to help him get his girl. I live in eastern society and here culture is different! I am feeling like a cheat!I feel I am the most disgusting person on earth, lying to him(my friend) and hiding my friendship from my lover. I am cheating both
If u ask me whether I love this guy, i will say no i dont love him, yes but i like him very much, I like to talk to him everyday and spent time with him he is a damn nice guy,I like his presence!! but I love my to-be-husband. Many times I decide to end this friendship to tell him the truth but i am scared to lose him, i want to stay friends with him forever…… and maybe I will lose both of them if I do tell the truth! I dont know m going crazy :S can you believe it I am still talking to him while writing this confession?
I HATE MYSELF OH GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I get such huge amounts of it on both of us. The max my work place will let me and have another policy on the side. Not because I intend to kill him or think he would want to. I am so scared that if he dies I will stop funtioning like a normal person and it will take money and therapy and expensive hospital visits to bring me back. With out my husband I cannot imagine feeling whole again and I dont want my family to have to pay for any of my problems. I know if I died he too would not do well without me.

We morbidly yet lovingly say "Promise me you’ll move on if I go. Promise me you’ll take care of my family. Promise me you’ll travel and see things I wanted you to know. Promise me if love finds you again please take its hand and do not flee in fear of pain."

He has a dangerous job, I have a medical condition that could be very bad if I dont take care of it. I have never been more happy in my life.

So of course I fear loosing… life.

You told me that sex was for after marriage. End of story. There was never any question as to what age was appropriate and what age wasn’t. I knew inherently. Still, a part of me wanted to know what it was all about. A part of me decided to ignore you.

So I did it at 16. And it wasn’t great, but it wasn’t bad either. So I kept doing it, right there under your roof, and you never knew.

When I finally got around to admitting it to friends, I told them I had sex when I was 18. For some reason, 18 sounded better than 16. Was it because of your incessant claims that teenagers didn’t know any better that had actually impacted on me? I don’t know. I just knew 16 sounded awful. And for the first time, I wished I hadn’t had sex back then.

It’s been quite a few years now. I still lie about it. I lie about the first time. I lie about the frequency of times in that first year. I make myself sound like someone I’m actually not.

But you still don’t know a single thing. To you, I’m not tainted yet. I only wish it were that way.