Its time to go…

I cry all the time and want to leave this earth so i cant disappoint anyone anymore, i am such a burden to my husband, family, and friends (well people that i have to pay to even come see me, or talk to me) i am so alone!! I dont have anyone to talk to, and when i try to talk to someone they just shit me off. Lots of things that have happened to me is my fault, its all my fault, my husband hates me, we cant have kids because i messed that up when i was 19, i got pregnant and had a miscarriage and now i can get pregnant, we have been trying for 3 years now and nothing. God knows i would not make a good mom so thats why i will not get one of those blessings. my husband dont want to have kids with me anyways, he wont go get checked to see if something is wrong. He dont want to adopt, he dont want to try for any kids. He dont love me, he just married me because it was something to do. I hate that i am such a burden to everyone that surrounds me. I am so overwhelmed with all these feelings!! It has taken over my life!! I cant do anything right, they would be better off if i was gone. Love always, its always my fault

Lost

I was always a loner, had a few crushes but no luck until i hit 30s and was still a virgin. I found a girl and had my first relationship in my life with her. I was very happy hoping for the future. She was 120kg, no friends, nerdy and needy. I had no problem with that… I have no problem with large girls, few friends, a bit of a nerd myself and as obvious i was needy too… To me it was easy to have someone that i can relate to, we had so many things in common. The problem was she had a surgery to lose weight and lost more than 70 kgs i wasnt very happy because she got so skinny but I still loved her… Trouble was she also changed her personality… Suddenly she was up for making friends, male ones, she wasnt needy or caring even anymore and lost most traits but still i wanted to be with her… I tought the person i loved was still there… Somewhere… I started being jealous of her friends… Not sexually but she wouldnt spend time with me anymore. I was all about her group of friends and her freedom. So she changed so much i couldn’t know her anymore… We ended our relationship. Obvious choice. I feel like i lost a person, she died, like shes not coming back again… I still think of her everyday. Sometimes i’m sad remenbering what we hoped for… Living together doing nerdy things, having children, we even named children… I get frustated and angry too i feel like i was used by her.. I loved her when nobody cared for her, i supported her studies and driving license, i stopped being with my lifelong friends to be with her because she didnt want to be with them or had no interest. My days are full of work and my mind is full of toughts about her… I only want to get past this and look for the future. I drop by her facebook sometimes only to see if she still gives life signs… I end up seeing her with her newfound friends and i end up feeling betrayed by her… I feel ashamed for clinging to her even now… I just want to break free from her but i cant see how

My life’s a mess!

My life is a mess and it’s making me feel worthless. My teen daughter hates me; I don’t have a job and now my credit is the worst! I don’t know how to recover from all of this. Had several tragedies happen in the past few years including a house fire & losing my job and my home. I am over 50 and don’t think I can start again. I know people in my family need me and love me and want me around, but sometimes it seems like it would be easier just to check out.

I am a wretched human being

I have spent the last sixteen years living as a member of a celibate religious community, I have taken every chance I had to engage in unsafe, promiscuous sex. And, I’ve LOVED every minute of it.

Secretly Heartbroken

My husband & I have been married for 20 years. HS sweethearts. He was the only man I’d ever had sex with..until Jay. Jay & I started an affair 6 years ago. I love my husband but Jay made me feel things I’ve never felt before. He’s married too. Stayed with her out of obligation. Or so I thought. We even continued our affair through his wife’s cancer battle(I know it’s terrible but we couldn’t help ourselves) 4 yrs ago they adopted a child. They weren’t able to conceive. Since he was born Jay has spent less & less time w/me. I understood. I cared deeply for him & was happy to see him so excited about finally being a parent. But in the last 2 yrs our relationship has deteriorated even further. Calls, texts, & visits are almost non-existent. Looking back on the last 6 yrs I know see how selfish Jay is. Our relationship has always revolved around his convenience even though we were both married. He never said anything nice. Never a compliment. I see all his flaws now. I’m trying to get over him but it’s difficult since he still comes to my workplace on occasion. We’ll go weeks without contact & aside from missing him a bit I’m ok. But then he pops in & all those feelings start to come back & then the next few days I spend crying every time I’m alone. I’m afraid I fell in love with him but I know all he ever did was use me & I just want to get over him. If I never see him again it’ll be too soon

not good enough

my bf always makes me feel like i’m not good enough. that he would rather be with his ex. and that he lies to keep from arguing, even though I tell him if he would stop lying, I would stop arguing. he makes me feel like i’m the one who has the issues, except he lied about continuing to talk to the girl he was seeing while we were broken up. he left me a few months ago with no warning while I was at work. i took him back, but how do you forgive that?

I made a mistake

I recently got too quickly involved with someone who seemed to be on boat until I realized I missed all the red flags!! I feel humiliated and ashamed!! The thing was it was going so well and there was an influx on intense emotions… To all the haters hating me… Yeah I know I have lost my self respect and integrity… I just rarely feel that connected to a man and I genuinely thought it was mutual…

What do I do now… Contact is cut completely but I feel lost and he’s still on my mind.

Just generally have an all round bad day/ slash pity party

Usually I am a happy person!

Whoever reads this I hope your having a lovely day!

If you can relate to this then I seriously feel your pain!

I dont know..

I went through a really bad break-up about a year ago, i finally got over him after awhile, or i thought i did. It’s been a month with me and the guy i am with today and he’s so sweet to me and i love him dearly. just recently i started hanging out with my ex, the one who i had a traumatizing break up with and i can feel my feelings coming back. I’m taken and he’s taken, but he also said his feelings were coming back as well. I dont know what to do, its like a heart-break but not at the same time. he took me out to look around the city and we almost kissed, he told me how beautiful i was and everything. the next morning he was posting about how much he loved his girl on instagram. It hurts, **** it hurts.

The reason I missed out on having a family

If I hadn’t been such an adamant contraceptive user growing up, I could have been that happy dad on Facebook you would unfollow. Now it’s too late

MY BF

went out to buy weed about 3 hours ago and still hasn’t come back. he probably bought crack…again. i don’t do either, and i don’t understand the impulse, but he has ruined our budget so many times that i think i would like to find another place to live. i hate this waiting. it’s very sad, because he’s very nice, but no. too tired.

Tearing at the Seams

My boyfriend of a year and a half has serious problems…he’s 31, every girl he’s ever dated has left him randomly or cheated on him, he has a slight learning disability and struggled so much through high school and never went college because of it, he was an only child until 11, his mom dated abusive men, he’s never met his dad, and he’s never had a real career, only simple “barely over minimum wage” jobs.

He is clingy, demanding, and controlling. I on the other hand am spontaneous, social, and a bit of a free bird. We fight constantly over the dumbest things, and we only see eye-to-eye half of the time. He and I both are hot heads with short tempers, so the arguments are always awful.

But I keep being applauded by all who know him…his friends and family have all told me how happy they are he “finally got someone who would help him and not hurt him.” And I do truly love him, he’s the only boyfriend I’ve had that is most like me and is passionate about the same things. But I don’t know how much longer I can go on in this cage. We’ve lived together for over a year, and our lives are so intertwined.

I’ve always known what to do, until now. I can either deal with the constant exhaustion and spend the rest of my life helping this broken man, or I can break his heart and walk away free to live my life.

Torn

For the past 2 years I’ve taken classes almost an hour away, and carpooled with a guy I only sort of knew. We have mutual friends, and have even worked together here and there, but the main thing is he’s one of my boyfriend’s childhood friends.

Over time he and I have become best friends…I would cry to him about my problems, and he would confess to me all his insecurities. We always grabbed the others hand in support during these times, and would hold on the whole way home.

Now, he always reaches for my hand, and even catches himself trying to play with my fingers in public. He has a long-term girlfriend, and he’s not a cheater, or even a flirt. He’s the shy quiet type around everyone else, but when he’s with me he is someone different.

Last night we kissed for the first time. Nothing about it felt wrong, and neither of us could stop smiling. Today we saw each other in person, both of us with our partners, and nothing felt different. I feel no shame, or guilt, and if anything an enormous weight has lifted from me.