I have failed.
For twenty-three years I have given little back and taken so much more. I thought only of myself. I have created my own crippling problems that continue to hinder me. I continue to fail my college classes. I have an electric and acoustic guitar which have been untouched for over three years. I quit my job because I got lazy and fed my father a fabricated story.
I have no drive. No motivation. No desire. I am a pathetic dreamer who just sits on his fat butt and plays computer games.
I am a dishonorable son who constantly sins against God. God who sacrificed his only son and will forgive any and all sins as long as I am willing to repent. I have yet to repent for a long, long time.
I have grown complacent, soft and weak. Small minded and selfish.
I am ashamed knowing my parents deserve a better son than I. Everyday I put up a facade to cover my shame. I’m just playing on the computer while swapping windows to cover up my unhealthy habit of procrastination. I try to fight it, but it wins almost every time.
Yet, here I am in this good home with my good parents and a merciful God. A belly full of food, warm bed. I didn’t have to struggle and fight through poverty. These are all given to me freely and not wanting anything in return. I am a disgraceful freeloader.
Father, mother, I do not deserve you. My dishonor is your dishonor, my noble parents and I am so ashamed of the pathetic man I have become. Every birthday card reminds me of my shame. Thinking of my grandparents makes me want to hide in a corner. Going outside my house feels like a spotlight is always shinning on me, my naivete and inexperience will surely reveal their ugly heads for the pathetic worm I am.
I am a very disgraceful son. At the very least I keep it to myself.
My brother went out one day but left his macbook turned on and logged in so I decided to have a sneaky peak at what he had been doing. I started going through his messages to his girlfriend to see what they had been talking about and after scrolling for a few seconds I found about 10 nude pictures staring at me. At this point I returned the macbook to the way I found it and didn’t speak to him for the rest of the week.
I’m a 17 year old school girl, in my final school year, and will be going for college next year. I’m an Indian citizen, so class 12 is my board year. I’m a single child. My dad works in Delhi and lives there most of the times, and comes home whenever he’s free. Mum and her mother and me live together. I’ve always been the school topper, and have been an all-rounder (sorry if you think I’m praising myself, but I’m just stating the fact). I have grabbed positions in various scholastic examinations and co-curricular activities at district, state and national level.
My parents have high aspirations from me. I’m a student of PCMB (Medical plus Non-medical) which in itself is one of the toughest mountains to conquer for my life, and yes, the stream was MY decision, my parents did not impose it on me. I’m taking coaching for IIT JEE. But I want to go abroad for pursuing further education. I belong to a lower middle class family and I will be able to study in a good college only if I get genuine amount of scholarship. But atleast in my country (sorry if my countrymen are offended, but it is the real truth), Yes, in my country, 27 per cent of the seats are reserved for Backward classes, and unluckily, I’m a general category, in fact, a Brahmin, so last one to be picked out for reservations atleast. Then from the remaining seats, there are donation filled seats. Let’s assume 50% of the seats still remain, 10 per cent are filled by the kids of the administration staff of the college, another 10 per cent for their relatives, and another 10 per cent for the celebrities, local and otherwise. What remains is 20 per cent, and it is sheer luck if a deserving candidate gets a seat or not. So I wanna get out of this mess.
I have a yearn for studying either Nuclear Science or go in the field of Aerospace Engineering, but I can hardly afford it. But whatever I do, I’ll go to research field only…
There’s another thing, I’m quite good at writing, even painting and music, in fact any creative work, but mainly writing and composing. I have even once been selected as one of the best 68 writers in a national level competition, and I think I can earn a good living by writing, but I don’t think my parents will agree to this, which is a natural talent to me. I’m just 17 but even right now I’ve got around 5 plots for my novels which I can write anytime, a lot of short stories and dramas which I’ve written, and a good amount of self composed poems in both English and Hindi, not to mention hundreds of articles, essays, speeches and debates etc.
I want to be an amateur writer atleast, but another problem in MY COUNTRY is that there’s no guarantee for what I have written will be published under my name or not. Most probably, my works might be published under the name of the editor’s or the publisher’s niece. Maybe because I don’t have enough money to make their pockets heavy.
This is like going through a hell when I have talent but not enough resources for exploring them.
Here, I’d also like to mention that I am working on a few projects of my own as well, which are not writing or imaginative things, but pure materialistic science, if only I had a chance to prove myself.
Due to this botheration, I am not able to focus on studies properly, because what’s the benefit when you know that the end result is a doom.
Thanks to anyone who reached to the end of this. I just needed a place to pour my heart out. I don’t demand for any suggestions or anything from you, if you’ve read my feelings, its more than enough. May God have mercy upon me. He’s the one who made me what I am, and he only is going to help me to utilize his gifts to the fullest…
I didn’t think it was possible to hate myself as much as I do. I’m an addict and every time I fall the hate grows stronger. I used to talk to God a lot, but the ugliness of my life makes me feel so unworthy to attempt to anymore. I’m about ready to lie down for good.
I’m a teenager (not gonna say how old) and I’ve been watching porn for over a year. At first, it felt great but as I continued to watch it, I began to feel sick to my stomach. After every orgasm, I feel so guilty for even looking at it. Yet, I feel so satisfied because, well, it’s an orgasm. I’ve been wanting to stop for a few months now but I can’t just stick with the plan and I keep on falling into that same place all over again. I guess I am slightly improving. It’s not on a day to day basis. But every time I look at it, I just feel worse. No one knows about this except whoever bothers to read this. I hope that even if it’s an anonymous confession, it will still help me stop watching such dreadful things and move on with my life. Even if it’s not from my family or my friends, a word of support would be nice. This is my secret and I’ve confessed it. God please help me get through this. And I know that many teens do watch porn. But I don’t want to be one of those guys (or girls). All I want to do is quit for good.
I’m bisexual and been married for 5 years, my husband doesn’t pay attention to me at all anymore and only seeks me when he’s horny or wants something at the house done. I feel like I don’t fit in my own city and I want to move away and start a new life with a girl I met online, but I’m just too scared to go through.
why do they get to be happy? i am not worse-looking, less interesting, or less capable than people i know but im totally miserable
I talk to him every single day and he claims to think the world of me but he’s kind of going out with this girl. He refers to us as being like brother and sister but I love him, I love every single thing about him.
I can’t imagine a life without him and whenever he’s not around I feel so depressed. do I tell him how I feel? he shows me signs but then I dismiss them as me believing that’s what I want to see.
My life is great. I am a 19-year-old high school student. I live together with my loving and caring boyfriend. I am passionate about dancing. I even founded a dance group that has now 18 dancers in it. We are the most subscribed finnish k-pop dance group in YouTube so we are doing great. I love my parents and my siblings. I get along with everyone. I don’t use drugs and life is pretty much awesome even though I don’t know yet what to study after High School.
However, there’s something that I will never be completely comfortable with.
The fact that I am a girl.
My husband is wonderful, except that he is very selfish. I feel trapped in our marriage and recently I met someone. He’s also in the same situation and we gravitated towards one another. He wants more, I’m not sure what to do. I love my husband but I’m suffocating.
I tried to kill myself . I failed and ended up going into a coma. I woke up after a day and puked like crazy. The following months after that were some of the roughest of my life. Its been almost a year now of therapy and meds. I don’t cut or hate myself anymore. Sometimes I feel old feelings resurface and I talk it out with a close friend. To those struggling with any mental disorder. It does get better. You just have to let it get better and try to fight for it.
were do I begin…. just got tested for hiv and the long three week wait is killing me I haven’t slept and I cant eat all I have been doing is googling my symptoms and its making me even more depressed I can stop crying. two months ago my husband and I separated during that time I had a I’m free I’m gonna do what I want attitude so I went out with a few guys and had sex with out protection I would say a few weeks later I had cold sore on my lip and a few ulcers in my mouth then fallowed by a slight fever and swollen tonsils I didn’t think much of it then we talked about getting back together and of course me and my husband had sex I old him about the men I had sex with with out protection and he said I needed to get tested and now I’m just waiting and worrying and stressing I cant believe I did this to myself I hate myself if it comes back that I have it I even got in contact with the men I had sex with and they all say that there clean of Couse they would say that I just wanna know now I’m having random muscle aches and idk if its from stress ugh….. **** my life!!!!