Closet drug user

I don’t often seek out or use drugs, however on the occasion I will get to be in a certain mood and I will buy Heroin, Cocaine or Meth and go into the nearest bathroom and shoot it up. I think part of the high for me personally is that I seem so “straight edge” and live a productive and seemingly normal lifestyle whilst I get off on the fact that I am doing something so taboo. Others would consider this to be out of character or not plausible for me. I also secretly love that if it is a public restroom or at a family or friends or even at work, they have no idea that I just stabbed a needle into my arm and got high as ****** act normal and nobody ever suspects a thing……….

i don’t like god

I have come to the conclusion that the Christian god is sexist, racist, ********** and an all around ass-hole. I gathered all of that just by reading the bible. I did what my 9th grade bible teacher taught me. I was taught to read the verses around the verse and I did that. I don’t know how to bring up this conversation with my mom.

I completely shut off.

I know I should probably see a professional about this.
i completely shut off from anybody i know well. i have no idea why and how i do it. the more i get to know somebody the worse it gets. i have had many relationships that have started off beautifully and have ended in silence. i stop talking, laughing and being myself and a lot of the time i know it’s happening. i just can’t stop myself. it’s even the same with my family too. i just cannot talk to certain members of my family. the only way i can describe what happens is that the more a person knows about me the more defensive i get. is anybody else like this? it physically hurts me when it happens because i am losing people that i love deep down through not being able to show them that i love them.

Fear

I’m so afraid of being alone that I have considered suicide as because I’m afraid no one would love a piece of junk like me. I’ve had my heart broken many times and try my best to make people like me but I fail.

I realized I hated him

I had dinner with my husbsnd tonight on vacation and I realized that I hated him. Actually i just can’t stand him when drinks are involvec. He is self-absorbed ******* ***** who thinks he knows it all. Judgemental asshole who thinks he knows who I am. Critiezes every damn word out if my mouth and for that I hate his ass.

In Love With My Wife, But I A Certain…

I have two soulmates. My wife and a woman that I have known since we were in kindergarten together. The Cosmos put me with the love of my life and teased me with what might have been.

Somewhere in this ocean of realities, she (my friend) and I never met, and therefore, the desire was never there! I crushed on her from age five until I was a teen and just ran as far away as I could! She was never meant to be mine.

It was a pure love. Something we both felt, and I know that now. And to be in love with your wife of almost two decades, but knowing that she’s a third of a cosmic ******* joke just makes me nauseated.

I believe in soulmates. My wife is my soulmate, I can see it in her eyes. But, I can feel that “the gal” was mine in some other life, something so much deeper and confusing than most men can understand.

I’m at the midpoint of my life and I don’t want some young miss thing. I want my wife and I want to be rid of this cosmic connection that keeps recycling me and “the gal”.

But like she said, “we have history.” Can you be in love with one person while another love draws to souls together? Is it love? Is it a crush? What the hell! WHY GOD! WHAT THE **** DID I DO TO PISS YOU OFF?

I’m a girl and I’m in love with a girl

This might not be the weirdest confession or anything but it’s been bothering me for months now.

I was unsure of my sexuality before I fell in love with this girl. She was someone from my school and she was really smart and good in her studies. I was only average and not-so-popular in my grade.

I’d known her for more than five years but I’ve never once spoken to her because we have totally different friends and no mutual friends between us. Until recently, I started making friends with her friends and we started talking. I know I’m in love with her because I’m always staring at her and stalking her in social sites. I know it’s weird and bad but I love her, and I felt that I need to know her more.

The problem is, I’m sure she isn’t into girls. A guy in our grade had confessed his love for her and she had said that she’d probably be with him after Grade 12. That saddens me so much, because I know I’ll never get to confess my love to her without her getting really mad at me. She’d detest me and hate me for the rest of her life. I didn’t want to end our friendship and she’s really important to me, and I do not want to lose her. She isn’t my best friend or anything so she wouldn’t understand me even if I’d told her my true feelings.

I couldn’t tell this to my family or friends. My parents would probably kick me out if they knew they had a lesbian daughter. My friends would look down on me too because my group of friends dislike lesbians and gays because according to them, LGBTs are gross.

I didn’t know what to do. Grade 12 is about to end and we’ll all be off to college next year and we’ll be going on separate paths. I’ll probably never see her again and I’ll end up being regretful about not telling her about my feelings for her, but if I’d told her, she’d hate me very much for this.

I clearly wasn’t hoping to make her love me back or anything. I just want her to understand that there’s someone out there who is willing to give up everything just to be with her. I want her to know that I’ll be there to support her and care for her even if she does not realize it. I want her to know that I genuinely love her and I am being serious about this. But I know I’d never tell her these, because I didn’t want to lose her and I didn’t want to haunt her. I want her to live a happy, ordinary life. I do not want to burden her because of me.

Nevertheless, I still want her to know that no matter what lies ahead in the future or who she ended up with, my initial wish to her was that she’d be able to live happily for the rest of her life. I want to promise her that no matter who comes into her life in the future, I’ll love her more than any of them does. If you’re seeing this, my love, please keep in mind that you’re beautiful and you have a big and kind heart. I’ve never loved anyone like I’ve loved you. You’re a very special person and I’ll always remember you, even after we’ve gone on separate paths.

I wish I could thank you.

Last December I was extremely suicidal. My boyfriend at the time and I were very rocky. All the fights and cheating set us both over the edge. I was a self-harm addict. In the last week of our relationship, he almost ended his life. In that moment, I realized how much I loved him and needed him to get better. That weekend he came to my room and ended it. I cried, screamed, and begged him to stay. Nothing worked. Before he left though, he told me to get the help I deserved. It has been almost a year since we have had talked in person but I am happy to say I have been self-harm free for 8 months. In a way, the break up was a blessing. I would have never gotten the help I needed if he wouldn’t have given me that final push. I wish I could tell him how far I have come. Just to see if he was proud of me. Even after a year (I know, pathetic), I still love him the same way I did the first time I saw him. I see him sometimes and want to tell him thank you for all he did and has done for me. I hope he is getting the help because he deserves it too. Though he hurt me a lot, he still deserves the best in life. “I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words, how wonderful life is with you in the world.”

My Dear Neice….

I am not brave enough to tell you this in person because so many family members pity you and I don’t want the fall-out or the drama. *BUT* the reason you cannot find a “good man” is for a whole host of reasons. No sane man would want to have a serious relationship with a woman who puts all her drama on facebook with most of it being embellished. Yes, I know you lie a lot, but I also know you are having a hard time dealing with the way your father has treated you and your sister. I can feel the raw pain in what you say and write about him. He has pretty much abandoned the two of you for the past 4 years and his reasonings are unacceptable. My Dear, none of us are given perfect parents and some of us have been burdened with horrible parents, but this doesn’t mean we can’t live full, happy lives. Please seek the help you need and take care of yourself before concerning yourself with finding a “good man.” You will find that you make better choices in the long run. Love, Your Aunt

I think I may be a narcissist

Sometimes the only reason I compliment my attractive friends is because I feel threatened by their looks and feel inferior and hope to get a compliment back from them. I don’t actually care at all about their hair or their outfits.

It’s Complicated

My girlfriend and I have been dating for several years. She and I have recently become part of a polygamous relationship, however the extent of that is just her dating me and one other person. We’ve all decided not to bring anyone else in as things are already complex enough as is and none of us want to take on something we can’t handle. Most people would assume that the complication I speak of in the ***** refers to me liking the other person or wanting out of it, but that would be too simple.

To put it plainly, I recent told someone I used to be good friends with that I had always wondered what it would be like if her and I were together. It was something I felt like I needed to get off my chest. I kept it anonymous at first, but the more she guessed the more I wanted to hint that it was me who sent it. The kicker is when she said that she’s felt the similarly for a while as well.

This old friend of mine and I are both in relationships that neither of us really want to get out of. I mean for me, I love my girlfriend. I love her more than anything, and I don’t want to screw up what we have, nor do I want her to feel jealous and break off anything she has with her other partner in order to maintain what our relationship. And that’s why this is complicated. I don’t want to leave my girlfriend, at all, but the fact that my friend and I both wondered what it’d be like to be with each other (and still somewhat do) has stuck with me. My Friend and I are trying to be good friends like we once were, but it feels like things are going to be a bit different this time around and I’m not sure what to do.

:/

Sometimes I feel like I should end my relationship because I’m not sure we’ll make it through my major life change coming up. I think at his older age, he’s still not ready to settle down. I often feel like I will hold him back from the things he wants to do. I don’t think he’ll be the family oriented man I need, I think he just wants to cling to his former life. I think he would benefit workout me.