Internet predator given second chance

Yesterday I was given the best thing I have been given in my life. I was given a second chance when I was caught talking to a supposed 15 yr old girl online about sexual activities.

I did it because I have been sexually frustrated and I felt that I was smart enough to not get caught. I enjoyed the taboo of it all and I wanted to feel wanted by a girl since my girlfriend was not doing that.

The watchdog company realized that I did not do this often and allowed me a second chance after I paid a hefty donation to them. Whether this was a scam or not I am glad it happened.

I was acting out of my own self interest and was harming people in the process. I have yet to forgive myself and I may not ever fully be able to, but I need to let it be known what I did.

Please comment: I wish to have reflection on what I did, and I am not looking to be pardoned for my actions. I was wrong to do it, and I am the only one to blame. Thank you for reading this.

my whole life

ever since i could remember, i have wanted to be a guy. i have never liked dreses, i was never lady like, i loved bugs and superheros, and i hated my body. when i hit ******** thats when i realized it, i can’t be a girl. Myh family is ********** so if i said i wanted to be a boy, they would disown me.I can never be myself around them. I am also pansexual and only a few people know that. when i was 12, i had tried to kill myself because i wanted to be who i was meant to be but couldn’t. Then i started cutting. I quited for now, but it happens now and again

Something which has been eating me up at night for years…

When I was nine or ten, I met a younger boy in an elevator who asked me my name, and if I was a girl or a boy. I was in a bad mood so I grabbed his face and said “Can’t you see that I’m a girl?”

It turned out that he couldn’t. He was blind.

I can’t remember if I apologised or just stood silently till he reached his floor, in shock of what I’d done and I regret it to this day.

I thought about it earlier today during my Foreign Languages exam and nearly broke down in the exam hall. I’m sixteen, and this has been haunting me for the past six years of my life.

I wish I could meet the boy and properly apologize.
Then again, I wish he’d forgotten about that day a long long time ago.

Am I a horrible person? I definitely feel like one.

My brother is a dead beat

I’m 15 and my brother is 25 yet he’s managed to bullshit ever since he dropped out of high school. He say’s he got his GED but has never been able to prove it to my dad. My brother has had a home once in his life and it was a shady apartment in a shitty part of the city and he had it for 2 months. No wait he also had a trailer but only because the dumbass he went out with and impregnated had an uncle with some extra land and a trailer they paid next to nothing for. He had custody of my nephew until he was about 4 years old and it’s a wonder my nephew is alive between my brother shooting up and leaving needles around, that and every time he’s around his son he feels the need to mess with him and has hurt him several times and calls him names because he thinks he’s “making him tougher”. I’ve argued with my brother several times about stuff related to my nephew because after he lost his son his son came to live with me and my dad and my brother just doesn’t want to follow the rules set in place by my dad and the court t keep his son safe. He’ll never change and my dad is almost like an enabler because he won’t just cut my brother off completely and stop him from being around, my brother has been leaching off of everyone around him since he was born and you can’t leave anything laying around or he’ll steal it or because of all the drugs he’s done he’ll think it has tiny microphones and cameras inside of it and that we’re trying to set him up and get him arrested. He’s always stealing my clothes, messing my shit up like my phone and charger going through his paranoid bullshit and get’s angry whenever anyone calls him out about being a selfish jackass. I could go on and on about how much my brother irritates the shit out of me and is generally disliked by everyone but it would take a while, an amount of time he isn’t worth spending on. In short I HATE MY BROTHER! And he just got a warrant on him and I’m considering turning him into the police myself and watch him get put away 5 to 10 years. I won’t have to put up with him, my nephew, my sister, mom, dad, other sister, family and friends and everyone else on Earth won’t have to put up with him and I don’t really think they actually like him enough to really care if he is in jail. It’s not going to be matter of “I wonder if he’s okay?” it’s gonna be “Do I really care if he’s okay?”. Some of you out there in the internet may be judging me through the computer screen, phone screen whatever right now but I don’t give a shit and I just know I want my brother gone and out of my life. I’m even gonna get a restraining order on him when I get old enough because my dad won’t let me get one because “He’s your brother.”. **** my brother, he can go off and figure out things and get his shit back together and then and only then will I consider letting him back into my life. I mean he hasn’t had a job in I don’t know how long, and most of the time between babysitting and basically taking care of his son and doing school work and maintaining good grades and cleaning the house and doing chores I have more responsibility then he does!

My turn.

Is it weird that I am looking forward to living by myself? I want to prove to myself I can be independent. I don’t want to clean up after anyone.. I was to be responsible for myself, and myself alone. I can find who I am. I can find what I want. Marriage was holding me back. Everyone else seems sad but I feel so light and free. We didn’t even make it a year… I just don’t love him. I don’t think I will ever love anyone. I really just want to be by myself for now. Go on a spiritual journey, have casual sex with pretty guys, travel the world…just me. I’m not here to be everyone’s puppet. I am here to live MY life because no one else is in my brain but me. **** everyone else.

why am i feeling like this? (any advice)

me and my best friend have been best friends for a really long time. we’ve been through so much and we accept each other for who we are and all the mistakes we have made. recently she has made some friends over instagram and they’re like really close and i sometimes cant help feeling left out and jealous and worried that if she ever mets these people in real life that me and her might drift. i understand that she is allowed to have to own friends as am i but the difference is she can make friends easily, she’s likeable, and funny, sweet and kind where as i am shy, annoying and can come of as a bitch sometimes. my best friend came out to me a while ago and i have no problem with it but i can’t stop thinking that if i this jealous of her making new friends who will i feel when she finds a girlfriend i mean i know that I’m straight but I’m afraid of losing her because she is my other half and i know that if she and i are so close then a person wouldn’t get between us but my jealousy almost ruined our friendship a few years ago, i just really don’t know what to do or how to stop feeling this way. I’m afraid to talk to her about it incase I’m over reacting or incase she just decided thats I’m to annoying and that her other friends are less dramatic than i am or if she just needs a break from our friendship I’m afraid it will never be the same again. i can’t loose another friend, I’ve lost to many!! i really don’t no what to do – is there something wrong with me??

It started out as a journal entry… but I feel like I need help… Any advice?

Ok, just a little info here… I’m 17 years old and I have been dealing with this for a while. When I was younger, I thought it was normal, but I’ve come to realize thats its not. I live with my brother and… my dad. I’m what most people call “cute” but I don’t see it… people say I’m “sexy” But I think I’m kinda chubby. Anyways, This confession began as a journal entry and… yeah. so here you go:
March 2nd, 2015
Dear Journal,
Yes I’ve decided to create a journal on my computer…. I need to find a way to express some feelings. Not have them all bottled up.
I kind of hate my dad… He makes me feel like I’m fat and ugly. Especially fat. He wants me to be like all the girls he sees in magazines and on television.
He wants me to be really super skinny. What he doesn’t understand is that I’m curvy, that almost impossible for me to be a size 2. To be as skinny as those models.
I hate the fat that he constantly calls me fat. Like, can u stop?! I also hate the fact that I have no social life, I can’t come in contact with boys when he’s around.
I can’t even make eye contact with a guy or my dad would get on to me. It’s getting to the point of exaggeration. I’m 17. I need to learn how to build healthy relationships and how to socialize with others outside of the classroom. My dad wants me to be by his side 24/7 either that or at school. And I think my dad is sexually abusing me… yeah, You read right, I think my dad is sexually abusing me. I looked it up and found this:

Sexual abuse refers to any action that pressures or coerces someone to do something sexually they don’t want to do. It can also refer to behavior that impacts a person’s
ability to control their sexual activity or the circumstances in which sexual activity occurs, including oral sex, rape or restricting access to birth control and condoms.

It is important to know that just because the victim “didn’t say no,” doesn’t mean that they meant “yes.” When someone does not resist an unwanted sexual advance, it
doesn’t mean that they consented. Sometimes physically resisting can put a victim at a bigger risk for further physical or sexual abuse.

Some think that if the victim didn’t resist, that it doesn’t count as abuse. That’s not true. It’s still is. This myth is hurtful because it makes it more difficult for
the victim to speak out and more likely that they will blame themselves. Whether they were intoxicated or felt pressured, intimidated or obligated to act a certain way,
it’s never the victim’s fault.

Some examples of sexual assault and abuse are:

*Unwanted kissing or touching.
Unwanted rough or violent sexual activity.
Rape or attempted rape.
Refusing to use condoms or restricting someone’s access to birth control.
Keeping someone from protecting themselves from sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
Sexual contact with someone who is very drunk, drugged, unconscious or otherwise unable to give a clear and informed “yes” or “no.”
Threatening someone into unwanted sexual activity.
Repeatedly pressuring someone to have sex or perform sexual acts.
Repeatedly using sexual insults toward someone.

*this is the thing(s) he does to me.

I don’t like it when he kisses me. He kisses me on the lips and I feel like fathers should give JUST a peck on the cheek when wanting to
show affection. If he wants to hug me, he doesn’t have to feel all over my boobs. He likes to touch my boobs too. He likes to make me cuddle with him too.
He has gone to my room when he is drunk and has touched on me… I have started cutting because of this. I have gone through depression. I just want to leave! But he
has threatened to call the police and make them take me to McCoy’s! So idk what to do! I have gotten in contact with my mom and was wanting to see if I can move in with
her. But I really like boxing at the gym I’m at now… and idk if my mom is financially stable to take care of my brother and I… I would have to get a job…and idk how my dad would react. And I don’t want him to hate me, I just want to leave… what should I do???

Future Husband

I fantasize and day dream (and over think) incredibly a lot . I fantasize about my future husband a lot, us on our honeymoon, us having sex, his smooth dark skin embracing me, and him just accepting me as I am . I am a virgin and I want to save myself for marriage as the last thing I give up in becoming one with my husband, and as a gift for loving me and being here till death do us part . I know I’ll love him so much, but I just get scared no one will want to marry me, ever .

I don’t care if I’m seen as childish for this, I just have all this love that I can’t just give out to anyone that comes along . So future husband out there, I love you so much.

A Hopelessly Complicated Situation

My best friend recently came out as pansexual. This was shortly after I fell in love with her. I’m a 17 year old guy and a senior in high school, so is she, minis the guy part of course. We’ve known each other for eight years and have become really good friends this year. I was afraid to tell her how I felt because I was worried it would ruin our friendship and I couldn’t stand that. She had a girlfriend for a while and that was hard to deal with but I found out from one of our mutual friends that she has feelings for me. A little while after her girlfriend dumped her I was going to tell her how I felt but then she started dating this other guy. I hate seeing her with him and I want to tell her how I feel but I’m just scared. Even though she has feelings for me I can’t tell her because I can’t accept that she would like me. I’m overweight and really awkward. But something just feels right between us. I really think we could work but I’m too afraid it would fail and at the moment so is she. Basically we both really like each other but were both too afraid to mess up this friendship that neither of us will do anything about it.

I want off the planet

That’s all. I’m 58 and my body is failing me ***** those who might come back with some smarmy retort like, ‘your body isn’t failing you. It’s you who are failing your body’) NOBODY is looking to fall in love with a fat, postmenopausal, broke, broken, woman.

Anyhoo, I really cannot find a damn thing that’s relevant to an old, dried up, childless, straight, overweight, spinster that piques my interest. I KNOW I’M FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF. IT IS WHAT I DO BEST. I have nothing to pull me out of that state. And I’m not looking for a savior.

I just want to quietly leave the planet once my pets, legal papers, and bequeathments have been settled. NO drama, no notice. Just, SURPRISE!

honestly, there’s really no reason to stick around.

Dear friend

Dear best friend, you have not noticed it yet, but I am bisexual. I could never tell you this, because when I asked you (as a joke) if our friendship would be any different if I was, you told me you’d think I was weird and physically stepped away from me. This truly hurt me, because I could see you were dead serious. You are a great friend, but right now, I am glad it is not you I am in love with, because I know it would only hurt me more. If you could never take me for the person I really am, are you even my friend at all?

I am an adulterer

I have been married for 28 yrs and 2 yrs ago started an affair with a younger lady. The basis of our relationship is that she knows I am married and understands that I am not going to leave my wife. We spoke about this very early in the piece and we both agreed that what we have is special and we should make the best of what we have until it ends.
The relationship could end at any time as this lady is looking for a partner and tells me that we will go back to being just friends when she does. The trouble is I love this lady, still not enough to leave my family but I do love her – and she loves me.
We have this extraordinary relationship where we are both leading our normal lives but once a week we get together and behave as a couple.
My issue is twofold in that I have a huge amount of guilt to my family but I need this relationship ( I am very lonley and work away from home) I also get extremely jealous of any date she goes on want this lady all for myself.

So I find myself on a knife edge all the time and I am just waiting for her to find her soulmate and leave me.

We talked once about stopping what we are doing and just going back to our lives but the thought of doing this upset us both terribly.