My deepest darkest secret… Well, my secret is that I hate life and myself so much. No matter how much I smile and laugh, I am broken and sad. To anybody that reads this. This is the last thing I am doing. This is my suicide note. I am truly sorry for being a piece of shit that was a burden on everyone’s life. Continue reading Hate


I gave everything I had to my three children for 26 years. I believed that in giving them the love and support I never got from my parents it would help me heal from a crappy childhood. I gave them wonderful childhoods full of discovery, travel, music, culture, science, sports, family, and lots of other things I longed for and never got. So far, only … Continue reading Hindsight


I’m not sure why I’m doing this, but I thought it might help. I feel guilty rather easily, but I’m not looking for pity or anything like that. Another student on my course trusted me with a note to slip under my housemate’s door. She clearly really trusted me to do this and I could see that she was physically anxious about it. I took … Continue reading Trustworthy?

I’m not sure I love my husband anymore and wish he would just pass away

I feel horrible even writing that title. We’ve been married for 26 years and together for 30. 8 years ago he got throat cancer and went thru radiation. The cancer was eliminated but the radiation caused radial necrosis to his jaw bone. The docs tried to do a replacement using his femur but it failed so they did a muscle flap which sorta kinda worked. … Continue reading I’m not sure I love my husband anymore and wish he would just pass away


I was told several times by several doctors that I would be unable to create life after being raped several times and having surgery on my ovaries. I was devastated. But, I got over it, I mean children made me uncomfortable and I didn’t really want to be around them anyway. After years of accepting my flawed body and loving myself despite it all, I … Continue reading Resentment