he’s dead and he didn’t have to be

I was dating this guy for five months we were hooked on heroin well we got into a fight and I left well to get him back I offered to buy him heroin like as a peace offering. We did it and we messed around I hen got into the shower. When I came out he was on bed I thought he I was sleeping so I left and the next day he was found dead. Now I fee so guilty I feel like I’m definately going to hell

To my coworkers

Yes I am a black female. Yes I do have hair on my head.
Just because I decided that I would like to put some braid extensions in for a different look does not change who I am. No I did not all of a sudden get “more black” or somehow gained the persona of being “rasta”. I am still the same girl as before nothing besides my hair apparence has changed.
No you may not touch my hair and no this isn’t rope in my head and I am even offended that you would even call it that. And yes, I can still feels those little patts you give me as I sit down. I am not a robot or a vegetable that is unable to feel when people are touching me.
Please, do not try to rationalize your reaction and say it would be the same for any other girl that got their new hair do. We both know that is a lie and you are just sayin that to make yourself feel better. Also, please do no get offended when I tell you that the comments you are making are racist. No I do not mean overt racist where you say you hate black people. I mean more sublet racism that makes an minority feel out of place and unwelcomed. It’s one this to notice my hair style and compliment it. It is another to say things that make an individual feel self conscious about their hair. And for you to then associate them with any former or current employee that has their hair in braids. And no the beauty supply jokes that you are making and asking how much my new hair cost are not funny jokes an they are not apperticated.
Yes I am a black female that does have some braid extensions in her hair. But I am more than what my hairstyle defines me as. I wish I could say the same about you.

I thinking about, and look up dead bodies.

Let me just start off with I have a learning disorder,
mixed receptive expressive language disorder.

One of the symptoms are I have trouble expressing myself.
The other thing is I know why I’m angry. I’ve been abused for a long time by my mother’s friend that use to watch me. I’ve been neglected as a child, by my own parents and teachers, even my own peers.

The thing is I was a very angry child at a really young age, but nobody could tell..since I couldn’t express it at all.
Till this day I can’t express anger, physically.

When you have anger building up all your life without anyway to get it out. It’s very painful. When I get angry now, it’s so much that I get dizzy.

I started liking gory stuff, I never use to. First it was just movies, I started to realize that it calms me when I see stuff like that. But then it wasn’t enough. I wanted to see the real thing. So I started looking up pictures of real dead bodies. Then it became this daily thing for me, I even started thinking about me killing people.

and after I calm down, I start feeling guilty, and ashamed. I have doctors, I do talk about it. But I don’t think they take it serious because I can’t express it. But that’s it, I want to get it out, before it kills me. I’m in so much pain when I’m angry. that I have to avoided everybody just so something doesn’t trigger it.

I need help, I need fucking help, and I feel like nobody is…

Can’t get over my guilt

When I was about 12-13 I had to watch my step sister,who was about 4-5. I made her do something really awful. Now as an adult I can’t get over the guilt. I apologized to her, but I didn’t get into specifics about it. I now have daughters of my own and I couldn’t imagine having my daughters go through what my step sister was put through. I totally didn’t even think about it for a couple of years after (like it was a repressed memory) but now that I remember I can’t get over the guilt. I feel horrible about it, suicidal at times. It was almost 20 yrs ago and I feel that if I bring it up to apologize for it now that I’d lose my wife and kids along with my sister.my sisters is having a baby today & I’m so proud of her, but I feel like I don’t deserve to be a part of the joy that she’s experiencing. I’ve prayed about it. But I’m just at a total loss. I hate myself for what I’ve done to her.

Dont know why I did it

I lost my virginity to a prostitute.

I hate my stepson

I seriously hate my 18 year old stepson and if I never had to see him again I would be happy. He is the laziest most disgusting person I have ever met. I secretly wish he would die.

Love me.

I wish that you would just love me.

I’m in love with you. So in love that it hurts every particle, every molecule, every atom of my being. But, I am so afraid of telling you because I know that you don’t. When you look at me, you don’t see a beautiful young woman who you could love. I am just your best friend of many years. It has been years yet you still don’t see me. You see the other stunning girl next to me. You picked her and she broke you leaving me with the broken pieces left behind. But you can’t even allow me close enough to glue them back together for you. You never allow me close enough.

Even if you do see me, we can’t be together. My religion doesn’t allow it. If I had the guts to tell you how I feel, the choice would be between you and my family. And if I choose you, I’m afraid that you wouldn’t want to stay with me. You never saw me that way before and you probably never will. So why do I still have hope that one day everything would be alright. And that we can find a way. Life is not a fairytale there are no happy endings here.

While I’m here pining over you, another guy tries to tell me that he loves me. But he doesn’t truly loves me. He loves the idea of me, the nice girl who helped him through his own heartbreak. He still loves the other girl, I know he does. He is blind to the truth that deep down, he does not love me. He still strongly loves her even if she was horrible to him. Life isn’t fair. I wish the nice guy could get the girl. But it wouldn’t be fair even if he did truly love me because I still love my best friend. I keep trying to tell myself that I don’t but I still smile every time I see his name on my caller id. My heart still skips a beat when I make him laugh. And I am happy whenever I get to see him.

I still want him to be in my life even if that means that he doesn’t love me the way that I love him.

Misunderstood feelings on being a mother.

I’m 19 years old. I got pregnant at 17 and had my son at 18. I love him more than anything. But, I knew at a young age that I didn’t want children. My son is not a mistake, but I didn’t plan him. I don’t regret him, but I do sometimes regret not giving him up for adoption.

I love him more than anything, and I know I have responsibilities to fulfill. I’m still living with my parents, but I’m looking for a job and I’m about to go to school for real estate. I’m doing everything I can to make sure my son has a great life.

But, I can’t help but to feel depressed about being a mother at a young age or even being a mother at all. I know “practice safe sex”, or “wait until marriage”, but I’m not really religious and the condom broke.

I didn’t want children. I honestly don’t like them. And I know for sure that I don’t want anymore kids, but I’m scared that I’ll end up getting pregnant again. If I do, I know I might go crazy.

I feel so alone and depressed. I love my son more than anything but I never wanted this. I don’t know who to talk to.

I am a horrible wife

My husband is amazing he works to support us (me and our daughter), then he comes home and takes care of her and if he is not doing that he is working on renovating the house. He is pretty much always working. He is home every night, he is a perfect husband. He did not even want to buy this house because he hates renovating and I wanted it. He does all the work and does not complain.

I am a stay at home mom, but really I am just lazy. I feel so lazy, I never cook for him or do anything for him besides have sex with him. And worse I am often rude to him and say things to hurt him, but he never says anything bad back. Why is he so perfect and understanding and kind and perfect. I hate feeling so horrible about myself cause he is such a nice guy. How do people like this even exist?

the stupid desisions i have chosen

i lost my verginity at the age of 14 thinking it was the “guy for me”turns out that all he wanted was sex and now hes not talking to me at all and not even looking at me anymore he acts like nothing happened, now hes hanging out with other girls and all that stuff. The thing is i was waiting for that special one and i thought he was it, turns out not because now im 15 and he still hasnt said anything to me because he got what he wanted now hes done with me.

I feel so guilty, and nasty.

My second cousin has tried to have sex with me for years, and finally I allowed it. I hated every second, I regretted it right afterwards because we almost got caught. I ended up actually caring about this loser and slept with him multiple times since then. I feel so nasty and wish I could tell someone but I can’t. I wish he’d just leave my life, I regret everything.

Depressed

I’m horribly depressed and I’m afraid to tell my family. I don’t sleep. I don’t do anything, even at work.

I just want to run away.