My double life

I’m a married man. I’m in love with a woman I met online. We’re in a relationship.she thinks I’m coming to her country next year to marry her. I know to tell her,I’m married would break her heart. Yet,I know I can’t marry her,while I’m still married. Do I tell her now,I’m a married man,let her find another? I don’t wanna lose her,yet I feel guilty keeping her in a relationship with me. I enjoy chatting/skyping with her so much. I wanna remain friends with her. What do I do? This whole thing is affecting my life,my sleep,my work. What do I do?

Looking for meaning

I have tried and tried and tried to look for the meaning of 13 years living in this shit hole, then 4 years of looking for a job and then when you get the job, then what? These thirteen years just scar the bitter truths of our world, with which we spend the rest of our lives knowing that there is evil in this world which we can not escape from. What’s the point of these achievements like schooling and a job when the evil will always force you to sacrifice some part of your happiness? Why care about them when they can’t even provide the satisfaction they had promised me when I began this journey.
It all might sound a little vague but, life just doesn’t feel worth living.

i killed a woman

im 16 years old and i dont have any friends, so im constantly trying to seem like im a normal person. then, friday last week, my parents had people over, and to not come across as a loser to my parents and their friends, i told them i was going out. in reality, i was just walking around town, alone. i went by the primary school, and i found a baseball, and walked with it, threw it up and at stuff, generally trying to amuse myself and make the whole thing less depressing. i went in to the woods, and since i dont really ever experience any thrills or adrenaline rushes in my life, i thought id throw it at a car. actually try to have some fun, make the time go faster. so i waited in the woods, just by the road. a car came, and i threw the ball, right in the windscreen. the car seemed to lose control, tires started screeching, and the car crashed into the mountain side on the opposite side of the road where i was standing. i panicked. i stood completely still for about two minutes, just looking at it. i completely froze up. then i just started running. i just ran. i didnt run home or anything, i just ran until i pertty much cramped up. i then walked to a bench on the other side of town of the accident, a remote bench and just sat there for about an hour before i went home. not that i could sleep that night.

the day after i was afraid to go on the internet. i did eventually, and i saw pictures of the accident and my stomach just absolutely ******* turned like it never has before. i read the article about the crash, and it said it was only the driver in the car, a woman, and she died at the scene. no one knows about it. they’ve released her name, though “luckily” i had no idea who she was, she was from another town. i killed her. just because im a lonely ******* lowlife loser with no friends, a woman had to die. i cant get the image of the car out of my head. what do i do? **** me.

I killed a turttle

Last weekend when i was away on vacation i decided to go for a run on a country road. One lane each direction. Cars were going fast and the roads were not straight. i was midway through my run, deep into the moment when i spotted a little turttle trying to cross the road. He was just about at the double yellow line in the middle. I was running past him and thought that i should stop to help him but was selfishly worried about my pace being distracted and my concentration being thrown off. I talked myslef out of stopping by saying to myself that the turttle would be fine and that the roads were not busy and he’d make it across with no trouble and be fine. As i went past him i nodded and kept moving along. After about twenty minutes i turned around t come back the same way i had come. i was looking forward to seeing the spot i had past the turttle being all clear. As i got closer my heart started to bounce. My worst fears were being realized. There i saw my little turttle bloodied with a cracked shell and on his last breath. I couldnt look. I was too upset and just ran faster. all i had to do was stop for one minute and pick him up but i didnt and he’s no more now. not my best day as a human i know.

Addiction

I was clean for four years but the craving never really leaves you. It just hides deep inside waiting for you to have a moment of weakness. A lot has been going on lately so I had a little just for the taste. I already want more the craving is back just as strong as ever. Worse even. It’s been starved for four years and it’s so hungry. I’m so disappointed with myself. I don’t want to go back to the addicted life. Cleaning up was the hardest thing ever I couldn’t do it a second time. But that gnawing feeling inside……..it needs to feed.

Ponytail

My husband’s grandfather (who had always had long hair, which he kept pulled into a ponytail) passed away earlier this year. In his memory, my husband decided to let his hair grow. We’ve been together for ten years, and I love him madly, but… I am not physically attracted to him as I was before. The love and chemistry are definitely there, and everything else looks good. Then I get to the hair and it induces a slight repulsion. I feel like such a shitty person. I know he’s doing it to feel a connection to the man he lost, and I have a huge amount of respect for that. I just want to WANT him again.

I am sexually attracted to my grow stepdaughter

Her mother and I have been married for 30 years but I have always thought that she was a beautiful young woman. Now that she’s 40 and has a family of her own, I’m even more attracted to her. We see each other almost every day because of working at the same place. She always dresses so nice and smells so amazing. I just want to take her and have my way with her sexually. Sometimes I even masterbate thinking of her. DON’T GET ME WRONG, I WOULD NEVER ACT ON THIS. Just wanted to let it ou

Money is hard to come by.

Everyone I know thinks my family and I are rich, but in reality, we have more money problems than anyone I know. I’ve gone through weeks where my parents would have to borrow money from relatives just to keep things running.

Odd love

There’s this person who’s really nice, caring, and smart. They put up with me even when I’m in a terrible mood, and stick around with me through the toughest of situations. They’ve got a great sense of humour, yet they still laugh at my terrible puns and jokes. They may not be the most beautiful, but the inner beauty they have radiates out. I consider them my best friend, but my admiration for her has extended beyond that.The problem isn’t that we’re both female (I’m pan, she’s bi), but that she’s in love with another girl, who’s probably a lot better than me.

thought i was important..

Since you moved out for your job you know how much I like getting to see you. You invited me to go with you to an event. I was excited my step daughter actually wants to do something with me. I asked and you said it was just the two of us going yay quality time. I looked forward to it all week not because of the event itself I could care less about that but the fact that you thought to ask me to go that was nice. Tonight the day before we get to go you informed me your bringing two friends home and then I get the joy of taking all 3 of you. But oh it’s still going to be just us 2 they will find their own ride back after the event. Or you will drive them back up the 2 hours at midnight and come back for the week end with your family. Any way I thought it was going to be something sort of special I just didn’t realise you only needed a driver. In assuming once we are there you will carry on with your friends while I sit through something in not even interested in. Its real nice too because I can’t even talk to your mom about it she just yells at me and gets jealous every time my feelings are hurt she immediately makes it about her and how I must not love her enough she gets jealous of you and mad at me for it. In not going to be able to handle that if she keeps it up. I hate that you hurt my feelings that you don’t care that you hurt my feelings and that when I need to talk to some one my own girlfriend just gets mad at me. I’m not allowed to have feelings I guess. If I have feelings I must not love her enough what some shit. So of all the problems going through my mind I have to just suck it up and deal with it alone. And she wonders why I don’t act happy

my boss is a horrible horrible man

The company I work for is the largest disappointment in my life. I started working there when in was still in high school my dad basically started the business for the owner. It is such a great trade to be in it is a great skill and I take great pride in my work but I hate the company I do the work for. When I started there I was so proud of helping build a business and of doing a job that took the skill and talent that it does. But it didn’t take long before I started realizing the bad things that go on. My boss has illegally moved money around to hide it from the irs. They lie to every single person that they talk to. Every customer is told we have product on the shelf even if we can’t get it built and out the door for months. They are told anything to make the sale and then ignored and evenntreated like assholes when they call up wondering where the stuff is that they ordered. They refuse to pay bills not because they don’t have money but because they like to control people. One supplier was owed 100 dollars and even though the company had 250000 dollars in the bank they refused to pay that Bill for 6 months. They hire completely unqualified employees and pay them minimum wage because they like to tell us a monkey can do our job. But then they can’t understAnd why these people can’t be trained and why equipment gets ruined and people get hurt and nothing gets done. Every time one person works out they leave because they find a higher paying job somewhere else. Most people start out at 14 or 15 an hour in this trade but we hire on at 8. Right now there are 4 people trying to do 15 people’s jobs. They just don’t care. They refuse to reward good work but people who drive company vehicles while drunk don’t get fired. One employee was showing his penis to all the female employees and chasing them around with it all he got was a warning and the women were encouraged to shut up about it. Then it happened dozens of times before he finally caught a female employee in a place off camera and cornered her. He didn’t harm her but she finally reported it and again the boss tried to sweep it under the rug. If it had not been for my dad and I being in his office when she told him he wouldn’t have called the sheriff and even afterwards they tried to get her to drop it because they trained him so much and would hate to lose the experience. She then blackmailed my boss for a year her and her daughter kept their job got paid full time and benefits and never showed up. One employee drive drunk and crashed 3 company vehicles before they let him go and then they hired him back. They paid an employee to drive him around and they bought all his groceries and smokes. An other employee stolenthousands of dollars worth of tools and he got paid more than the rest they never really fired him he just eventually went to jail for other things. Other employees are bailed out of jail and company lawyers are used to fight dui convictions and other crimes. Then their groceries and bills are paid for them. They let people with no license drive commercial vehicles and dangerous vehicles. Their vehicles are not street worthy lights don’t work it’s all junk that is constantly being repaired and then destroyed again. But if a decent employee asks for a day off or a raise or an advance they are told no. They are treated like they are worthless and moochers. The worthless ones meanwhile just went to Texas for a vacation with their families and The company paid for their trip. While there they were all arested and I’m sure the company bailed them out. We are constantly being sued for my boss cheating some business partner or supplier out of hundreds of thousands of dollars. My boss watches porn in his office all day and then the viruses get on the network and crash everything then he blames me or other employees they have all been blamed. His wife finally admitted it was him but he still denys it and she still goes along with it. He is church going man and he was a youth councillor. Sounds like he should be right? They lie to employees like it’s a contest if you ask for your check an hour early they tell you it’s illegal but then if one of the worthless fucks asks for it a day early they give it to them. Every one gets different treatment. We use toxic chemicals that are supposed to be shipped to a proper facility but my boss just had a couple guys take it out to the back of the property and dump it on the ground. We are near a river and have several farming neighbors who have complained about horses dying and their ground water being toxic but we have no epa here and my boss buys them off. He tries to pay bribes to people overseas for job contracts that he has no intention of following through with. Them when it blows up he just walks away and makes us deal with it. For years he didn’t even know what we made we constantly had to tell customers he sold them things we don’t make. He has no idea how any of the equipment works or how any of the work gets done but he insists a monkey can do our job. You try to explain it to him and you can literally watch his eyes cross. If he says to do something that is obviously stupid and you try to suggest a better method he throws a temper tantrum like a damn 5 year old throwing shit around the room and screaming obcenities and then acts like it never happened. I used to be so proud of my job and I am so good at it but now I’m ashamed. We live and work in a small town and every local business has banned him from having charge accounts at one time or an other. The people that work for the tax shelter company have cost millions and in 12 years it has never earned a profit but the company in work for pays huge sums to it to keep it afloat and they write the checks as if it was a business expense for our company and then write it all off on taxes. They pay all their personal expenses and bills with company credit cards. The company paid for their daughters wedding and their other kids have all sorts of things bought by the company. It bought a 16000 dollar door for their house. But right now we aren’t allowed overtime because they are short on cash even as my boss spent tens of thousands of dollars on scrap metal trash that he thinks he will turn into usable equipment. This happens all the time he buys shit that was meant for the scrap yard and has no use spends tens of thousands on it then spends thousands more to fix it until it barely works then when it breaks down he spends thousands more fixing it again instead of buying it new to begin with. The tax shelter company constantly blows the huge diesel engine in their major equipment usually because oil gushes out of it they won’t fix it and they won’t watch the level. The other times it was because the brakes didn’t work on it for years and they over rev the motor trying to slow down. There have been countless accidents I don’t know how no one has been killed yet. They have spilled toxic chemicals by the tanker full out on blm land and just shoveled dirt over it. They have thrown so much in my lap and just act like I should do it all on my own time or work for free. I only stay because they pay me just enough that no other employee in the area in my trade can offer me more. But I am underpaid for what I do and what is expected of me. We were promised twice the amount of vacation they give us but they just say oh well. They act like we are lucky to work specifically for them but if my dad or I walked out that place would shut down in a matter of weeks. Too bad no one can call the authorities on them after you quit working there. I looked they won’t read any complaints unless you are a current employee.

Head over Heels

First off, I would just like to say I am only 13. I know my problems are dumb and foolish and, have no significance to anyone and my life could be much worse but I want to get things off my chest. When I was younger I knew I wasn’t like the other kids. I knew I was different. When I got a little bit older I noticed that when kids were outcasts, people HATED them. I got a taste of the bullying when I was in the 3rd grade. I remember boys would pick and pull at my skin, pull my hair, take my things. Kids were going to be kids but, when I entered middle school my throat was stuffed full of the bullshit. I was pushed around, my head shoved into lockers. I was blackmailed, people tried to get me to kill myself. I was framed with carrying razors at school. I had my face bashed into a mirror. I was voted the school’s biggest whore. Since I was taken out of school I have started self harming. I’ve become anti-social and aggressive. I hide my pills instead of taking them. I throw up after each meal. I am dating this very sweet guy but, I know he still loves his former crush. She recently broke up with her boyfriend and I am worried about them hooking up. Memories about me being also raped and murder come back more often. I am tired and want to die. I am so empty and lonely. I am the ugly whore. Everyone thinks I have stopped cutting, I still do. Damn so bad. I wouldn’t mind if one day I cut to deep and die. **** me. **** my life. I want to feel again.